


Second Choices

by mischiefinside



Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: A Bit Dark At The Start, Also this is like an AU Mix of the MCU and the Agent of Asgard comics, Awkward Romance, But who knows what will happen to that hate, F/F, F/M, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hate to Love, Let's ignore some Civil War and Infinity War, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Multi, No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sam Wilson/your sister, Slight Loki/Sigyn but not really, Slight Loki/your sister, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Verity is bea, You hate him and want to kill his ass, bisexual/pansexual reader, chose your pick both can apply
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 18:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 44,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefinside/pseuds/mischiefinside
Summary: You were used to being the black sheep. You were used to being everyone's second choice. But you were okay with it. There are worse things.But what you could not accept was that a certain norse god broke your precious little sister's heart. And oh boy will he pay for it.A tale of anger, revenge, a freezer thrown into a pond and an embarassing heroic end to a slap that felt oh so satisfying. Vent your feelings and uncover some new ones that you thought you'd hate the most.(Daily updates so far. Might go back to three times a week if things go bad)





	1. Prelude to Hatred

I never enjoyed the thought of being someone's second choice. But as fate would have it, I was the second choice of many. I may have been the first born, but even within my family it was no secret, that they would prefer someone else over me.  
It never really bothered me. I knew I wasn't the best. At anything. Especially since I was the established black sheep of the family anyway. My younger sister though was an angel on earth. And I mean it when I say that. She is a good person, no matter to whom and when. No matter how many times my childish jealousy hurt her, she always was the one to stand beside me and not make fun of who I was. She was the one angel and light in my life I would always treasure and protect. Since she did so much to protect myself from my own demons within.  
So when I saw her falling in love and being loved in return I was more than happy for her fate. Finally she found someone who could protect her from her side. My hiding in her shadow would not be needed anymore. Instead I would become the quiet shadow that'll watch her happiness and her light with joy. I was looking forward to it, really. No matter how unusual or special her choice was. Actually, I wasn't even surprised she caught the attention of a god. After all, she was an angel on earth.

“(y/n), can you please hand me the plates?”, my sister asked smiling and I nod. I was smiling as well, something I mostly showed only around people I really trusted or cared about.

I handed her the plates and leaned against the counter. My eyes were attracted by the sparkling emerald embedded on a thin band on her hand. The ring was gorgeous, just like her. It fit well on her thin fingers. 

“Will you do me the honors of singing on my wedding?”, her voice asked me quietly. It made me chuckle.

“We both know your singing is better than mine, sweetie.”

“That's not true and you know it...!”

I laughed and grinned. “Fine. I'll sing if you sing a duet with me.”

Her eyes widened and she looked away, clearly embarrassed. “You know I can't sing...”

“Ah, and I thought I was a liar”, I replied and shook my head. How could she not see how amazing she was? She was honestly so humble and even a little insecure even though she was so _perfect_. Whenever I would call her pretty, she'd call me gorgeous, not believing that she was in fact the more beautiful one between the two of us. She was truly kind and she deserved the world.

“Is dinner almost done? Your parents already opened the champagne and I don't think the bottle will last much longer”, a voice spoke from the door frame to the dining room.

I looked at my sister's groom and smiled a little. “It's almost ready. We'll be out in a minute.”

He nod and his emerald eyes looked at my sister. “Don't take too long. I'll wait with your parents outside then.”

We celebrated their engagement all night. My parents were proud. As expected, my younger sister would be the first to marry. Everyone was happy for her. For her and her chosen one.

* * *

I remember the love and honesty in those eyes as if it were yesterday. I remember how careful and tender his actions towards my sister were. I remember how she would blush, how she would gain a little more confidence around him and how she would bloom like the most beautiful flower on earth. I remember it all. She was his first choice. Or so I thought.

* * *

I smiled at my sister's back as she would slowly walk into the chapel. Her white wedding dress hugged her figure and made her look like the angel she was. Her long hair was partly pinned up into a beautiful up do, some lose curls falling down and framing her face. She was glowing with happiness. We prepared months for this day and finally it was here.

The wedding march played in full volume and I peaked curiously forward. The groom was obviously nervous and his tall blond brother stood proud next to him as his best man. He nodded when he noticed my look and I smiled back. Thor might be a bit much for me to handle at times but he was a good person. I didn't hate him. 

The wedding proceeded smoothly. That was, until the fated question was asked. If anyone opposed this marriage. 

It was the wedding day of my little sister. Her perfect once in a lifetime day.

Ruined by the opening of the chapel doors. 

I saw his emerald eyes widen, I saw my sister's confused frown. I saw the beautiful foreign woman walk up to Loki, giving him a slap and glaring at my sister. I saw my sister wince and back away a little. I saw the pain in her eyes. I saw how he was still not saying anything, just staring confused and shocked at the woman that suddenly appeared at the venue.

“You're alive...?”

I heard his whisper, the dreadful realization in it and I heard his unwillingness to believe it. I saw her smirk and I heard her question.

“Did you miss me, beloved husband?”

I could've heard a pin drop in this silence. Everyone tried to process her words. In the end it was the pained voice of my sister that spoke up first.

“You're... you're already married..?”

“No!”, he blurred out. Too fast. It was a lie. He looked too desperate. The woman looked too confident.

Thor placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him and shook his head with a sad expression.

“He is. But to his defense I have to say we thought Sigyn dead since she disappeared many hundred years ago.”

I almost could hear my sister's heart shatter. The man she had trusted so much, the man who proposed to her and wanted to make her his wife was, in fact, already married. And now his _actual_ wife appeared.

I wrapped my arms around my sister protectively and even thought she was supposed to be a little taller than me she felt so small and weak in my arms. Her shoulders were twitching with her sobs, her carefully prepared Make-Up slowly ruined by her tears. It was a disaster. 

I always thought that my sister would be anyone's first choice. But it seems this time she ended up being the second choice.

* * *

In the end, their romance ended with a big disaster. Chaos and anger erupted the moment that big revelation happened. Who knows who was to blame. Maybe Thor was right back then and Loki wasn't at fault. Loki and Thor both disappeared that day with that woman Sigyn. Supposedly to clean up the mess and make everything right again. I still remembered Loki's desperate pleading promise to my sister that his feelings for her were genuine and that he will fix the mess he created. That he will come back and do anything so she would forgive him. I saw that he meant it, I saw that he truly cared and was sorry. But all that mattered to me was that he broke my precious sister's heart. And he will pay for it. 

I will kill him. Even if it is the last thing I will do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is more or less only the introduction. The main pairing will be you with Loki, no worries.  
> I'd love some feedback. English is my third language so I would feel grateful for pointing out mistakes so I could improve.  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. The First Steps of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years passed since that day and you are preparing yourself for the day you'll see him again.

It's been two years ever since that incident. Two short yet also long years. It was long enough for my sister to pawn the rings, to sell the dress and to move with my parents' new house. It wasn't long enough thought for me to forget my grudge.

“Welcome at welovefurniture.com! My name's (l/n), how can I help you today?”, I spoke with a cheerful voice into the phone.

“Oh, hello”, the voice of an elderly woman replied. “Well, it seems I spoke with one of your colleagues earlier. I just wanted to say that I will keep the doormat after all. I still think that the quality is not as good as the one I previously purchased thought. So please if you'd be so kind to tell your colleague that, I'd really appreciate that.”

“Oh my, I am so sorry you received a product that was not up to standard. Of course I will note your case down and inform my superior as soon as possible. I am really sorry about the inconvenience and any rudeness my colleague showed to you”, I lied smoothly with a kind yet apologetic voice.

“No, no. it's fine. That's all I wanted to say. Have a nice day.”

“Have a nice day, ma'am!”, I answered cheerfully and the woman hung up on me. 

A sigh escaped my lips. Customer support wasn't really my favorite thing to do but it was part of my job. And the job paid well, so who were I to complain? 

I noticed my boss walking out of the break room. What a convenient timing. I signed her to please come over and she was quickly by my side.

“What is it?”, she asked curiously. 

“Well, an elderly woman just called here-”, I said with a frown and Mrs Tristan's eyes widened a bit.

“About a doormat?”, she asked quickly, interrupting me. She seemed worried and I nod.

“Yes.”

“Oh no, was she very rude to you? I already talked to her earlier. She claimed our product was a fraud and she demanded her money back”, Mrs Tristan explained.

“Nah, it was fine”, I replied to her casually with a little smile to calm her down. “She said she will keep the doormat after all and just wants me to notify you that she still believes the quality is bad. She was actually pretty nice.”

Mrs Tristan stared at me and just shook her head.

“I just... how do you do this? This crazy woman kept shouting and cursing at me, even hanging up on me in anger. Why is every customer so nice to you?”, she chuckled. “Never mind then. I am glad that issue's been resolved at last.”

I only smiled politely and got back to work. Mrs Tristan was nice and a great superior. But I just didn't like getting to close to people anymore. Especially since I prefer to draw a clear line between work and private life. 

It wasn't the first time supposedly rude and difficult customers turned nice and understanding when they had me on the other end of the line. It happened already so many times. Too many times. Mrs Tristan claimed it was my kind of magic. That I enchant the people with my voice alone.

* * *

I remembered the day my sister admitted to me quietly that she had spoken to Loki about how bad she felt for me. That I haven't found anything I could shine with since either she did it too or I was just not skilled enough at it. I didn't blame her for it. She was just worried. It still made me feel embarrassed for a while thought. I wasn't exactly sure how to face Loki that first time when he decided to teach me, his future sister-in-law.

He explained that day that it was the same for him, that he always had felt like he was merely a shadow behind Thor's existence. That expression touched something within me. A shadow. I always considered myself to be one. But for me my existence as a shadow was much more pleasant than the one Loki described that day. I didn't feel pressured by my sister. I enjoyed watching and protecting her. She was always the slightly weaker but more skilled one. 

In the end I did discover something for myself that no one else in my family dared to learn about. And with his advice and teaching, I got better and better at it. Slowly day by day magic became a part of my life I learned to treasure.

* * *

But I wasn't using any magic to enchant customers or the people around me. Why should I? Magic for me now was full of those bittersweet memories when that man was still a good person. Or acting like one. Before he was exposed. I swore to not use magic again unless necessary. No matter how much I had learned to love it. 

Of course that didn't stop my parents from calling me a witch. Admittedly, I used to take pride in that insult. It made me feel like something more than the shadow I used to be. Okay, maybe being only a shadow did bother me a little. But I will certainly not give up that kind of existence anytime soon. Not until I was able to make sure that my sister was with someone who could take over protecting her in my stead. 

I looked quietly at the clock. My shift as almost over. Time to return into the same old apartment and... well, maybe not today. I was feeling a bit gloomy and the returning memories of that ass hat ruined my mood for sure. I sneaked my phone out of my bag and looked around to see if Mrs Tristan was paying any attention to me. Or any of my other coworkers. I didn't trust any of them. Who knows who would turn into a snitch the moment they'd spot an opportunity?

_Hey, Nat. Are you free today?_

I patiently waited for my phone to light up. It was silenced, just a precaution. So the light would be the only indication of a reply.

_Yeah, want me to come over?_

I smiled a little. Seems like I was at least a little lucky after all.

_Yes, please. I'll be at home in an hour. See you then!_

_See you._

I meant it when I said I planned to kill him the next time I saw him. And to prepare for that I spend the last two years learning from one of the best (former) assassins. What could lift my mood better than practicing to kill the guy who caused it~?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I posted another chapter since my body seems to believe that sleep is for the weak...   
> This is a sloooooow burn, beware. But we'll get there. I promise. 
> 
> Not proofred yet. I apologize for any mistakes in advance.


	3. Training to Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha knows it best. At least when it comes to how to end someone's life. So why not take some tutoring lessons from her?

Her curves, her smooth skin and her perfect figure always left me a little envious. Who wouldn’t be? But unlike me her full day job consisted of being always ready for any eventuality. With other words she was always fit and working out on a regular basis. No wonder she had that fine body. And I… well, my full day job consisted of sitting at a computer all day. So of course it was no wonder my figure wasn’t as perfect as hers.

At least within those last two years I gained some strength and muscles due to her ‘self defense lessons’. At least that is how we called it officially. I mean… it wasn’t like I couldn’t technically use the knowledge she was sharing with me for self defense purposes. Knowing the weaknesses of a human body and how to exploit them to make your opponent incapable of moving could after all prove very useful if I ever were to be attacked. Naturally, I wasn’t really sharing the information that I was planning to be the attacker with the outside world. 

Nat knew. Well, she first refused my request to be taught the skills of an assassin when I first asked her. It wasn’t difficult at all to convince her thought. I only had to tell her of what Loki did to my sister and of what I planned of doing to him once he showed up in front of me ever again. She was very understanding of my motivations and it didn’t take long until we started training.

Surely I wasn’t even sure if most of those attacks would even be effective against the norse god but I was still convinced that a kick to those princely jewels would hurt him just as much as any human man. Of course that was only one of the less painful things I was planning to do to him.

Once I caught him.

And that was the issue.

“Remember to always keep a steady footing or your enemy can easily break your pace and make you fall”, Nat explained to me and exposed another opening in my stance, making me trip and fall easily.

I fell with a huff onto the mat, the air pushed out of my lungs when my chest hit the ground. It was painful but it was a price I was willing to pay if it meant I could take revenge for my sister’s heartbreak.

The Russian assassin helped me back on my feet and we both got quickly into a fighting stance, ready for another round of sparring. Naturally after two years of training I wasn’t even half as good as Nat who had a lifetime full of experience. But I definitely could hold my ground against any other untrained individual. I didn’t want to think if I would be able to win against Loki. I had to win against him. It wasn’t something I could chose anymore.

Nat and I stood still, quietly staring at each other and waiting for the other to move. The first one to move would reveal an opening, a weakness one could exploit. The skill I learned first when Nat started training me was patience. And oh boy was her training hellish. 

One of the easier lessons included telling me the time for an appointment at a doctor’s for a health check up she organized for the sake of my training so she knew my body’s limits. Only that the actual appointment was two hours after the time she originally told me. She forbid me from grabbing any of the magazines, forbid me from using my phone and told me if I wanted to learn from her, I should endure those two hours of waiting calmly and observe the people around me.

I managed. Barely. I was certainly a more patient person now. 

Nat smiled approvingly at my calmness and my diligence in observing her, refusing to make the first move. 

“You’re getting better and better at this”, she praised me and swung one of her fists towards me. 

I ducked only to be hit in my gut by her knee. I gasped and quickly put some distance between the two of us. Throughout the entire spar I was on the defensive. She was simply too fierce. And way too flexible. How was she able to kick her leg up so high? How was she able to bend to such an angle and still throw a punch at me? I caught myself more and more often in wonder. I needed to think more outside of the box. I kept fighting her with the mindset of her only being able to do the moves I can do, ignoring the fact that she was so much more well trained.

It didn’t take long until I was once again on the ground. 

“That’s enough for today I believe”, she said and helped me up again. She looked as if she barely finished an easy warm up while I was gasping for air and aching all over from all the hits I took. My neck was sweaty and soaked the hair that I tried to put up as well as I could manage before the work out.

“Thanks, Nat”, I mumbled and grabbed my bottle, my dry throat urging me on to satisfy my thirst.

“No problem. Anything to teach that bastard a lesson”, she replied smiling and handed me my towel while she already started putting on a thin jacket. It was warm enough during the workout but it was slowly getting cooler, fall facing it’s end and the chill of winter taking control of the outside world. 

I wiped off my sweat and put on my jacket, too. I couldn’t afford catching a cold just as much as the heroine. Surely it was due to other reasons than hers but for me my bills and the fact that I couldn’t afford too many sick days at work was equally important as for her being always in peak condition.

“Did Thor hear anything about Loki?”, I asked quietly, probing for news. My former future brother-in-law was the last connection I had to Loki. And I refused to let go of that lead. Even though it proved to be fruitless so far.

“There did seem to be some kind of news. But what it is about, he refused to tell.”

I sighed. “It’s fine. Thanks anyway, Nat.”

“I am sorry, if I didn’t tell Clint about what happened-”, she started to apologize. She kept saying sorry again and again for that incident. I already lost count.

“It’s fine. If anything it’s Clint’s fault for spilling the beans to Thor”, I interrupted her and gave her a smile. It didn’t matter anymore. If Thor decided to shield his brother, then so be it. I knew he only wanted to protect his brother from an angry Russian assassin and an even more angry me. I mean it was only understandable. After all I would do the same for my sister if not more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, this was not proofred so there might me mistakes again. I doubt I will ever fix any mistakes in any chapter so far unless someone points them out to me.


	4. When Fate gives you a Freezer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Certainly you know what to do when life gives you lemons. But what about a fridge? Or better, a freezer? Do you accept the gift graciously and make sure to beat the living shit out of it?  
> Oh yes, you do.
> 
> (Frick Frack I wrote like almost 5k words out of boredom within 24 hours. Pls donate a life. I seem to need it.)

It was the day of first snow. The small and still weak snowflakes floated softly down onto earth and melted as soon as they hit the ground. I took a deep breath and the fresh air filled my lungs on my way back home from work. I was feeling peaceful. Not much could bring me out of that state of calmness. Or so I thought. There were always little things fate just loved to throw into your calm little pond of life to cause some ripples. And this time fate decided to throw a fucking fridge into pond. If you are not aware, a fridge does not belong into a pond ever. Just don’t. Leave the poor pond alone.

In my case it was too late. That damned moment that doorbell rank only a few minutes after I arrived back home, not enough time to take off my shoes and exchange them for my warm and fluffy soft slippers. The moment I opened the door that fridge came already flying with a force that would create ripples that big, that there would probably be barely any water left in the poor pond. The moment I opened the door and saw the person standing in front of my small apartment the fridge hit my pond of life hard and crashed hard on the ground in those shallow waters.

No, let’s replace the fridge with a freezer. Because I felt like cold ice the moment I recognized him. Like committing ice cold murder. 

I think it is not necessary to tell who exactly showed up at my door. My reaction and feelings should speak for themselves. If Nat were to hear that the moment he opened his mouth in a greeting, his eyes full of apologies and willingness to prove himself, I kicked him hard where most mortal men would say hurts the most, she would know without doubt that it could be only one person. Well, two but I doubt that that other one would ever appear in front of me again since I already scared that one away sufficiently. 

Loki gasped for air and a pained groan left his lips before he could even say hello. His knees gave in a little and he almost sunk down onto the floor. Almost. But oh man was it satisfying to see the pain in his face. Unfortunately not satisfying enough for me to stop. Or should we consider that fortunate?

I didn’t have any of the weapons Nat gave me and trained me in so I was limited to using my body to beat my feelings of resentment and hatred into him. Well, at least that was the plan. I have to admit that believing that I could beat a god with merely my fists was a tad bit wishful but I was consumed by rage so who could blame me, really? 

Loki quickly realized the situation he was in. It was a little bit impressive. But maybe Thor did warn him that I was indeed a little bit _very_ angry at him after the stunt he pulled. Or maybe he was feeling a little tired of living? Why else would he deliver himself to my doorstep first things first? I would’ve heard from my sister if she would’ve gotten an unexpected visit from her ex. She wasn’t one to hide such a thing.

“Time to die, asshat!”, I roared and jumped at him, ready to unleash all the skill I’ve learned those past to years for this moment alone.

“(y-y/n)! Wait! Let’s talk f-”, he said and ducked away from a kick I launched towards his body. “-first!”

“Make it short, piece of filth!”, I hissed and threw a punch at his nose. It connected but it seemed to hurt my knuckles more than his face. “They will be your last words!”

Loki kept backing away, staying defensive and not taking advantage of any openings I showed him. And I was sure that in my emotional state I surely was fighting with less control than during the training with Nat. It annoyed me that he obviously refused to fight back and didn’t defend himself other than evading any damage I tried to do to him. Each time my fists or feet would miss him I only grew more furious.

“(y/n)! Please let me explain!”, he begged and slowly my attacks forced him down the stairs in the hallway outside my apartment. He still kept evading. “I am here to find out where your sister is!”

I laughed and it almost sounded like a maniac in my fury. My punches grew more and more sloppy and it wouldn’t take long until I would result to silly slapping his chest if I grew any more emotionally unstable. It was an embarrassing display, I am afraid but at this moment my brain wasn’t working properly. My emotions got the best of me and all that suppressed hatred of all those years came back with full force. 

“My sister is at home!”, I spat at him. “Happy! Without you!”

I saw him wince a bit and his expression growing a bit more sad, more pained and more sorrowful. I smirked as a truly vengeful idea grew in my head and I chuckled darkly as I enjoyed any drop of pain in his expression.

“She is long over and you and is together with a man who isn’t married and doesn’t lie to her!”

That did the deed for me. I was clearly able to see his heart shatter a little more. The fact that my sister moved on already, that she didn’t wait for him, that she didn’t care anymore for any explanation he could give her. It seemed he didn’t expect her to just leave him behind, to abandon the one who hurt her greatly on the one day that was supposed to be her fairy tale perfect moment that would come only once in her life. 

“Did you really think she would wait for you? After all you did to her?”, I asked him, piercing him further where I knew it would hurt him. “Did you really believe you deserved a chance with that angel after you hurt her so badly?”

Loki’s spirit was truly broken now. Well, at least a little. Enough for me to finally land a proper slap in his face. Never did my palm burn more with how much force I used but it was worth it. The satisfying feeling of seeing his face tilt to the side after being hit by my hand, his eyes full of pain and his expression empty.

“I swear, Loki. As long as I live I will never allow you to ever get close to her ever again!”, I said with a triumphant smile and wanted to take a step forward to torture him some more and to vent all of my anger to my satisfaction.

But fate just decided to throw some more trash into the pond of my life that certainly did not belong there. As if it wasn’t already cluttered as it was. 

In the end, I missed the last step and fell. Humiliating and embarrassing. For once within the past ten or so minutes of being furious my feeling of anger calmed down a little again. Instead I felt a new kind of dread and winced when I felt my ankle twist painfully from the fall. Loki was as useless as ever. Still stunned by my hateful words he was unable to react in time and so I fell face first into my doom. What an heroic end to my revenge.


	5. Eye for Eye, Heart for Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly the last thing you wanted to was to talk to him like a civilized person.  
> But a twisted ankle more or less refused to play along with your plans. 
> 
> Or: Where you finally get a little bit of the revenge you wanted.

As glorious as I would've hoped this to end, history decided on a different ending. Surely, it wasn't my _end_ or anything overly dramatic but for me it felt like a big failure. I was so close to pay him back what my sister suffered. I noticed his emotional weak spot and I had him in my grasp. Only to trip and fall in the most embarrassing way.

Loki called out my name, stunned by the unexpected change of plot. It was indeed unexpected to say the least. And very unwelcome. But eventually Loki came back to his senses, much sooner than I would've liked him to and he rushed to help me back up. That idiot even cared enough to check me for any injuries, noticing my twisted ankle. I truly wished I could just turn back time and retry that. Maybe be more careful on the stairs. Really, who ends their vengeful revenge with twisting their ankle? 

“Are you okay?”, he asked. I hated the concern in his voice. It was sickening me. I didn't want his care or attention or anything. I just wanted him to suffer. 

“Don't touch me”, I hissed and pushed his hands away, trying to be independent and strong. Unfortunately my foot didn't comply and I ended up sinking back onto the ground with a painful groan the moment I tried to put some weight on it. 

Loki frowned and all his pain seemed to be forgotten in the face of a damsel in distress. I absolutely despised that thought. But I was helpless and if I didn't want to drag myself up the stairs on my stomach, I'd have to accept his helping hand. The stubborn brat inside of me cried out in protest and threw a tantrum. In the end thought a god still proved to be stronger than a small mortal so my struggles against him ended up fruitless. I already knew he was stubborn himself and once he set his mind to something, he'd complete it. Most of the times he'd still run away with his tail between his legs if he'd end up in trouble. Idiot.

Loki slowly helped me stumble up the stairs to my apartment. The door was still wide open. I didn't exactly bother with closing it after I decided to attack Loki. Not only because my keys were inside and not on me, but also because at that time in fact the door was one of my least concerns. My face during the travel back up to my apartment was probably that of a pouting and angry child that didn't get what it wanted but how was I supposed to endure that shame? The one I swore to kill was looking after me and helping me to take care of my injury. It was just plain contradictory and shameful. 

He let me sit down on a chair and then proceeded to close the entrance door behind us. I watched his figure walk through my apartment, looking for the first aid kit and grabbing a cool pack out of the freezer. He still was somehow familiar with my apartment from the times my sister and him would visit together but some little things changed overtime. The old mismatched furniture I got for cheap during my apprenticeship days was replaced by newer ones that at least all fit together one way or another. Many of those were still second hand but all in good condition and pleasing to my eye. And who wouldn't mind saving a little bit of money?

I observed him as he carefully tried to remove my shoe with as little pain as possible and I recognized the old tenderness in him. The careful kindness he had shown both to my sister and me back when things were still okay. It felt oddly familiar yet so very foreign. The situation changed completely, even if the people were still the same. 

My embarrassment from my less than elegant fall calmed me down gradually and I was able to drink in every of his movements. I saw his genuine concern on his face and his eyes focusing on the task at hand while he wrapped my foot up carefully. His cold fingertips brushed the skin at my ankle and each time was like dipping my toes into a cold pool to test the waters.

And as I was watching him, realizing that he still indeed carried the same feelings as two years ago, I came to the realization that I might hate him a little less now. At least I knew he was truly genuine back then. He actually did care. I would lie if I were to say that I actually expected that. But what even was I to expect from a man that hid the fact that he was actually already married? It wasn't even my heart he broke back then but seeing my sister suffer brought me pain just as much.

Maybe it was the fact that she indeed was happier now. She had moved on, I wasn't lying when I threw that at Loki's head. My sister found her joy again and had now someone else to love and care for. She was acting a little more cautious now thought. Once bitten, twice shy. In the end she was stronger than I could ever claim I was and she had recovered almost entirely from the disaster back then. She wasn't afraid of opening up so someone new. She wasn't afraid of giving someone a chance to capture her heart and she certainly wasn't afraid of falling in love again. Forgiving and moving on seemed to come naturally to her and now she was happier than before.

My sister wasn't in pain anymore. Yet I clung to that grudge stubbornly and dedicated money and my free time to achieve my revenge. Only for it to be in vain. Maybe I should've moved on as well. But I wasn't like my sister. I couldn't forget so easily. I would always feel resentful over what Loki did. Of what he hid.

“There, this should be better”, Loki mumbled and looked up to me carefully, observing my expression and noticing the cold look in my eyes. He frowned.

“Please leave”, I said quietly and turned my face away, not willing to look at him. I knew I acted like a child, that my behavior was reckless and senseless. That didn't mean I could help it.

He stood up but didn't move any further than the couch across the chair I was sitting on during his treatment. 

“I know you hate me for what happened two years ago and you have all right to. I should've made sure and take care of that before trying to marry your sister”, he admitted. “But I never intended to lie to any of you. Especially not your sister. I think we both know she deserves better.”

I snorted. Tell me something I didn't know already. My refusal to answer or to react any more to what he said made him sigh and he chose to keep talking as long as I was unable to shove him out of my door. Fate must have been on his side that day. 

“Is it true? Did she really... forget about me?”

His voice sounded fragile, almost scared to hear the truth. My eyes finally met his and I didn't try to hide anything from him but also refused to make it any more easy on him.

“She moved on long ago. She didn't forget but she did forgive. How she was capable of forgiving someone like you is beyond me but I think you know better than me that she more kind than anyone on this world deserves. She is gone and long not yours anymore, Loki. And she never will be again.”

Loki took a deep breath. It was a little bit shaky and I noticed how he tried to keep him emotions in check. He truly didn't expect that. He came back, thinking he still had a chance only to be hit in the face with the fact that he was way too late. There was no redemption for him and nothing to salvage or save. The love he came to seek was not his anymore. And that for good.

“Is she... happy?”

“Happier than I've ever seen her, even with you”, I replied honestly. Maybe I should've made my voice sound a little less sharp but I couldn't really help it. After all I was still angry at him. “Why did you come to my place if you obviously wanted to see my sister?”

His head hung low and his hair fell loosely to the front, hiding some of his features from me. His figure almost looked broken and lonely. And almost I felt pity for him. Almost.

“I was at our old address, but there I found out that she had moved. So did your parents. And the last address I still did have was yours”, he explained to me and I nod. 

“Perhaps it was better this way.”

A dark chuckle escaped his lips that slowly but gradually turned into a muffled sob. I knew him well enough after the time we used to spend together as a future family that he wasn't one to show his weakness in front of other people. And yet here he was, bend forward on my couch and trying to keep himself together as the cold hard truth rained down on him and he realized that all he still had hoped for was lost. 

And finally I saw in him what I saw back then in my sister. His heart broke and shattered into tiny pieces.

But somehow I didn't really feel like this was the revenge I wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters a day. But my fingers still won't stop typing. Well, I guess my readers are lucky then. 
> 
> Pawlease reward my hard work with some kudos and comments. I am kind of feeling needy right now. q_q


	6. Small Seeds of Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting used to his presence was too easy. It was too familiar. Too simple to forget that the heartbroken man took refugee at your apartment. 
> 
> And you didn't pity him. You hated him still. You weren't worried. But he certainly was getting dangerously close to being greeted with a frying pan in his face.

It was the most uncomfortable and awkward night of my life so far. I tried to ignore him as well as I could. Considering I used to plan to kill and beat him up on sight I thought my actions to be kinder than what he deserved. 

Then why couldn’t I help but feel pity for him? After all he finally only received what he had done to others two years ago. I shouldn’t sympathize with him. I should enjoy his suffering and let him drown in sorrow and pain. I mean I wasn’t exactly helping him but unlike my plans I didn’t make him suffer any more than what he was going through already at that moment. My motivation was unclear even to me. Or let’s call it my lack of motivation. I was supposed to be first one to throw salt into his wounds. And yet here I was, leaving him alone and ignoring his sobbing figure.

I was hopping on one leg over to my kitchen, preparing some tea and dinner for two. I wasn’t really in the mood for anything overly elaborate or fancy so I ended up making some sandwiches and left it at that. After completing the dinner preparations I felt brave enough to put some weight onto my injured foot again and I actually managed. It hurt with each step I took but at least I was able to move around a little more easily and Loki obviously did a good job taking care of it. 

I looked towards his sunken figure and sighed. Truly pitiful. He was still silently sobbing, trying to stifle the sounds as much as possible. His twitching shoulders betrayed him though and seeing him sitting quietly there, still drowning in the painful realization that he did indeed fuck up for good, nearly aroused friendly feelings in my hate consumed heart. 

I wish I could stop living a life full of _almost_ and _nearly_. If only I could actually achieve all those things my stubborn mind comes up with and wants to turn into reality, I would’ve been in a much better place.

With another heavy sigh I placed a cup of tea and a sandwich in front of his figure and decided to leave him behind in the living room to get him the fluffiest blanket and softest pillow I owned. Maybe somewhere subconsciously I believed that for now he deserved a little bit of care and a break. Maybe I was a little bit touched by the fact that even though he was gone for two years, his feelings for my sister seemed still as strong as ever. Maybe I was getting a bit soft.

Not for long if I could help it. I still hated him. 

Okay, maybe I hated him a teeny tiny bit less now. 

I left the blanket and pillow next to him on the couch without commenting and decided to try and pay no attention to his sorrowful figure. It would only give birth to more pity and understanding in my mind. And I couldn’t afford that. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. I turned off the lights in the living room and instead placed one of my scented candles in a vase onto the side table near where he was sitting. I made sure the candle wouldn’t cause a fire even if he were to ignore it all night and the soothing scent spread in the living room quickly, creating a slightly warmer atmosphere on this early winter night. I didn’t look back anymore when I left the room to escape into my bedroom. And it was certainly not my intention to make my sound as soft as it was when I whispered a quiet good night into his direction.

Sleep didn’t come easily to me that night. My mind was restless and it was too difficult to forget the heartbroken man sitting in my living room. I didn’t want to think about him anymore, forcing myself to try and count sheep, count the cars that drove past the apartment building. Anything to try and get some rest. It was weird how uncomfortable a perfectly fine bed can turn when the seed of worry starts to sprout in your soul.

* * *

He was still there the next morning. He didn’t touch the sandwich but at least he finished the tea. Was it even still warm when he finally broke out of his daze and self pity? Honestly, why did I even care? He was an idiot and a horrible person. He deserved any pain coming at him. I certainly didn’t want to start wondering how he handled all the pain and injustice against him before we met compared to this heartbreak. I didn’t want to wonder if he would be okay. But I guess the fact that I did know him one way or another, and pretty well at that, still infected me with that horrible virus you’d call worry.

I absolutely hated it. I hated that I worried about him even though I hated him so much.

I tried to ignore his figure on my couch. He didn’t sleep, if the dark bags under his eyes with their reddish tint were proof enough. I didn’t take pride in seeing a norse god’s eyes swollen for the first time in my life. Even though I should. At least giving up my beloved fluffy blanket and one of my pillows wasn’t wasted. He had the blanket wrapped around his shoulder and his arms were hugging the pillow tightly to his body. His gaze seemed empty. At least he stopped crying. 

I wish I could enjoy the sight more than I did. He looked half dead, not any better than a zombie and whenever I felt satisfaction and a little pleasure from the fact that he finally got his retribution, a small pinching in my gut would appear. I tried my best to ignore the complicated feelings in my stomach, I really did.

I don’t know what nonsense I had thought when I decided to just let him stay overnight, to let him stay even though I was leaving to work and to let him take shelter at one of the last to him familiar places. Was I hoping that the place where he shared at least some memories with my sister would hurt him some more? I tried to convince myself that it was so. That this weird and unlikely scenario was the reason why I let him stay and didn’t chase him out in his fragile state.

When I came back home from work he looked a little bit more… alive. At least he looked a little less like a zombie now. We still didn’t exchange any words ever since last night and I quietly prepared food for the two of us again. I was his gaze getting a little livelier and that he started to get back in touch with his surroundings. His eyes would linger on my ankle from time to time as if wondering if me moving around so much was really okay. 

This time I prepared some proper food for dinner. It was simple, my cooking were skills not the best. It was enough to keep myself alive but I didn’t consider myself a chef. I felt like eating something warm and homemade from time to time had it’s charm and honestly, whenever I craved a good homemade meal again, I was actually a little frustrated at the fact that my cooking skills weren’t up to par. 

I was focusing on the dish I was preparing and almost completely forgot about the presence in my living room. It was frightening how easily I got used to his existence again. It felt so familiar. Like those days when he would come over, sometimes alone and sometimes with my sister. The afternoons we spend in my living room practicing and learning about magic. I almost missed those days. But I knew they were long past and would never come again.

I didn’t notice when he entered the room, nor did I hear his steps. So it was no surprise that I shrieked in a most disgraceful way and almost suffered a heart attack when a pale hand suddenly handed me the two plates I prepared earlier. 

He was lucky I was too scared and shocked for a moment to throw the frying pan into his face.


	7. A Melting Corpse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is slowly gaining some life again. We do not question your questionable feelings. Closing one's eye is sometimes more convenient.
> 
> Or: How he ended up staying.

„Loki!“, I hissed and tried to calm myself down again. My heart rate jumped at the scare and it certainly didn’t feel healthy. “Jesus freaking Christ.”

He looked at me. His former lifeless expression showing a hint of confusion. He wasn’t in a state of mind yet where he was able to think too deeply about his actions. I saw he didn’t understand yet, that his pain was still too fresh for him to be fully back to his old self.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!”, I explained and looked at him. At least the little sprout of pity I started to develop burned down with a new found anger. It was so refreshing and a welcome sensation to me.

“Sorry”, he mumbled and looked down, placing the plates down since I still haven’t received them. I huffed and got back to preparing our dinner. He stayed quiet and only watched me. His hands twitched from time to time, his urge to help but it was always a little too slow, his reactions greatly suffering from the blow on his mind. He was still healing and you knew he wouldn’t be back to his old self too soon. It seemed he took serious damage this time.

It didn’t take long until dinner was served and we sat down at my tiny kitchen table that was a little too small for comfort. I would usually eat on my own. But now he was crashing at my place and the narrow table surface just barely had enough space for two plates and the bowl of salad between us. The silence between us was comfortable thought. I ate my meal quietly and was happy he at least had the decency to not complain about my mediocre cooking skills. 

“Thanks for letting me stay”, he said quietly at some point. I almost had trouble hearing him. His voice sounded like a ghost of his former confident way of speech. It bothered me to hear that the man I tried to hate as much as I used to actually was capable of emotions.

“No big deal”, I replied, knowing it was a weak lie.

“It is. You don’t owe me anything. I am the one who came because I owed your sister and you.”

I looked at him, surprised he was speaking so much at once after almost 24 hours of him acting like a mute who was incapable of acting like a proper living being. It was impressive that he was able to gather himself and at least get some of his functionality back.

“You’re almost right. You don’t owe us anything. We don’t want anything you could possibly offer”, I finally spoke with a frown. Was he trying to get back into our lives by claiming he had to pay us back for the injustice he committed? You absolutely refused.

“I… I won’t try to get back into her life. I promise”, Loki said, sensing my suspicion and how I raised my guard against him again. “I won’t even ask about her. I just want to let you know I am truly sorry.”

I sighed. 

“I know. It’s not like you’ve been hiding your intentions. I just don’t trust you anymore ever since what you’ve done.”

He lowered his gaze and his expression was full of guilt. I groaned inside. The last thing I wanted was for him to drown in his self pity and guilt again. It was exhausting to take care of an emotionally broken person and god knows I had my own problems to take care of.

“Look, what’s done is done. We can’t turn back time and I don’t even want to. All we can do is to move forward. My sister did and so should we”, I interrupted his brooding.

“That’s.. true, I suppose”, he replied and his gaze fixed itself onto my face. He was studying my expression and I kept my poker face. I didn’t want him to see how much or little his presence upset me.

When he stayed quiet I decided to continue and finish my meal. I did notice that he looked increasingly uncomfortable and I was patiently waiting for him to tell me what was weighting down on his mind now. With how he seemed unwilling to say it out loud yet couldn't stop thinking of it judging by the expression on his face, I assumed he would speak soon enough.

“(y/n)...”, he called out for me when I already long got up and proceeded to wash my plate in the sink. 

“Yeah?”

He approached me carefully from behind, this time making sure his steps made a faint sound. He was carrying his own empty plate and the bowl with the rests of uneaten salad. It seemed he wasn't really a fan of my salad but I couldn't really blame him. I only make those when I want to appear to care about what I consume more than I actually care. 

“I know it is pretentious of me to assume that I would even have any kind of... _right_ of asking such a thing of you and I am sure you'd be less than pleased to hear my request if I were to judge by the way you, well, _welcomed_ me when I arrived here”, he started rambling. I hated when he did that. Talking in circles and dancing around the topic, unwilling to say it because his pride and maybe personality itself went against asking for whatever he was going to ask in a straightforward way. 

“Spit it out, idiot”, I interrupted him, growing increasingly impatient and angry at how he was handling his request. If he wanted to ask me for a favor he better give me a very solid and good reason for it. He was right when he implied he was the last person who was worthy of gaining any favor from me.

“Fine, please don't be more upset than needed. I just”, he finally caved in. “I didn't exactly plan my arrival here. To say the least I was too eager to plan out anything the moment I was finally free to go and rid myself of my shackles-”

“Grats on the divorce I guess then”, I threw in between his words with the most sarcastic tone I could muster up, grabbing the salad bowl from him and proceeding to finish the last remains of it. I didn't feel like putting it into the fridge. 

“Well, thank you I guess. But the main issue is that I possibly maybe failed to properly think through as to where I will staying?”

That last sentence definitely sounded like a question. He looked carefully at me, his eyes scanning my face for a reaction and for the lack of coming up with any better thing myself I ended up literally face palming. I knew where this was going. And Loki once again managed to ask me the impossible without actually asking. Silver Tongue just told his side of the story and simply by doing so it was obvious what he desired. 

He needed a place to stay at and I wasn't sure if I felt like laughing or crying at the fact that the raven haired god had been too _eager_ to return to my sister's side to even take care of such a simple and plain thing.

“Can't you, like, just go back home?”, I asked him, trying to not give in to his request.

His gaze dropped onto the floor. I was sure he noticed my unwillingness. And I am even more sure he expected it. Why else would he feel so conflicted over asking me? I suppose he wouldn't have asked me if he really had a different choice.

“I am afraid it is impossible for now. I can ask Thor to help me arrange for a different lodging as soon as him and the other Midgardians he calls his team return from their current mission.”

“What about the Avengers? Can't you just stay with them?”

“Like I just tried to mention, they are away on a mission. And my brother is with them. I will have to wait at least another week until I can get back in touch with them.”

I frowned. A week. Very long and very awkward five to seven days. 

“Please, (y/n). You know I wouldn't ask if I had any other choice.” His voice sounded even a little bit pleading now. Look, another of his emotions are slowly coming back. Would I be able to make him beg me? “It is just a week. I promise to not appear in your life ever again unless you desire so once my brother returns. I'll leave you alone.”

I shook my head. “Don't you dare run away. I still have take proper care of you for what you did.”

He grimaced. It was obvious he was not amused by my revengeful nature but I refused to put on an act only because for once he was the damsel in distress.

“Was the slap and those hateful words not enough? Your attacks might have been sloppy but fierce. Were you really trying to kill me?”

“ _Am_ trying, Loki. And to answer your question: No. It was far from enough. I still hate you.”

His eyes looked up from the floor again and back into my eyes. His emerald gaze locked on my face. His expression was still less emotional than it used to be but in his eyes I saw the complicated emotions and the pain fighting each other, trying to comprehend how the person that once called him brother turned into someone who was thirsting for his life.

“If it cleans me off my sin, then so be it.”

I snorted and almost broke out laughing if it weren't for the forkful of salad in my mouth. I tried to chew and gulp it down as quickly as possible and chuckled darkly.

“It doesn't work that way, Loki.” I didn't want him to surrender to me, to let himself be beaten up without fighting back. That was below me. I wanted him to feel the hate I felt and I wanted him to be the monster I thought him to be after that failed wedding two years ago.

“Fine, you can stay. But I won't be easy on you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have a headache but whatever. I decided to post this chapter anyway. 
> 
> Please do tell me your opinion. If you do I will consider rewarding you with some cute pictures of _my_ most precious treasure.  
>  (Hint: It's a cat.)


	8. Meeting an Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new coworker, a new friend, an understanding soul ans a possible new ally. Do I need to say more?
> 
> Oh, also you're not really in the mood for work. Or people. 
> 
> (If the character Verity Willis is unfamiliar to you, insincerely apologize. She will be a part of this and I recommend reading the Loki: Agent of Asgard Comics.)

The morning after was... refreshingly calm. I wasn't exactly a morning person so guess it was for the best this way.

When I entered the living room he was already awake. It might be due to the possibility that I hit snooze for about a dozen times before actually finally getting up and succumbing to my responsibilities as an adult. And my alarm clock wasn't exactly one of the more quiet types. The more obnoxious, the higher the chance I won't oversleep. Who could blame me for being drawn to the comforting warmth of my bed though? I barely slept the night before and had to suffer through two very draining days.

As I dragged my still half asleep body through the living room to the kitchen I heard him welcoming, wishing me a good morning.

“Morning”, I grumbled and zombie me didn't pay him any further attention. I was too tired to deal with this shit. And I mean both him and talking to him early in the morning. And just generally people, if I were to be honest. It was way too early for this type of thing.

On autopilot I finally reached the kitchen and turned on my coffee pad machine so the water could heat up already while I grabbed a coffee pad and a cup. With a trained routine I inserted the pad and put my cup under the machine, hitting the button with one cup on it the moment my mind registered that the machine was ready. A yawn escaped my lips and I slowly woke up a little bit more as the scent of freshly brewed cheap coffee filled the kitchen.

From one of the cupboards I grabbed the bread and some copycat Nutella. Without really thinking about my actions I threw them onto the table and then grabbed the almost empty milk bag from the fridge to pour some in my coffee. Well, the rest of the contents because there wasn't really any more inside anyway. I left the now empty milk bag on the counter, got hold of a butter knife and a plate to carry them together with my coffee over to the table to have a simple breakfast. It wasn't very healthy but I needed coffee and something chocolaty to raise my spirits enough to deal with the outside world.

“I don't really wanna do the work today, I really don't wanna do the work today”, I sang quietly as I put some of the chocolate paste onto a piece of bread and bit into it. Don't judge me. I was too sleepy to realize that I was singing in front of Loki, sporting a washed out pajama and probably the worst bedhead he'd ever witness in his life.

And I certainly ignored his quiet chuckle from the door.

“You're certainly less angry when barely awake.”

* * *

Work was... work. Nothing special, nothing great, nothing too bad. I spend almost fifteen minutes listening to a woman demanding we notify her _asap_ the moment we got some kind of toy back in stock again since she and her daughters are collecting them. It would save her the trouble of checking in into the shop every day. Collectors be collectors.

I tried to pacify her and the other customers calling in at our place as well as I could. Well, like I mentioned before, customers tended to be very friendly towards me. I never once had a difficult customer. So my job was mostly pretty easy.

Somewhere around afternoon Mrs Tristan called out to me and asked me to lead the new girl around the place. Why I had to do that was beyond me. The newbie won't really stay at a desk here anyway. She was filling in the position of checking and approving customer reviews on our products. It was her choice to work from home but Mrs Tristan decided it would be appropriate to at least show her once around the place so she could at least somehow imagine the company she was working for from now on. 

“Hi”, I replied her and kept it short noticing the discomfort and annoyance in her eyes. Her small fake smile wasn't enough to fool me. She disliked having to do this. Then there's two of us, dear. You're not alone. “I'm (y/n) (l/n) but you can use my first name.”

She nodded at me, noticing that I didn't display any fake welcoming smile or expression that would make me look as if I absolutely enjoyed leading a newbie around. Her smile grew a little more honest and her eyes carried a tad bit less annoyance. 

“Verity Willis. Call me Verity”, she replied.

“Shall we?”, I asked her. “Let's get over with this more quickly since we both don't really seem to be in the mood for this.”

The corners of her lips curled up into an amused smile and she nod, obediently following me to the elevator so we could start our tour at the bottom floor. Thankfully it wasn't close to break time so no one was in the elevator and I wasn't forced to fake any more nice smiles or do small talk with co-workers. 

“Do you feel like it's bothersome to show someone around?”, Verity asked while I tried to block out the annoying elevator music.

“No, that's not it. I just dislike people in general. And I am kind of stressed currently”, I replied honestly. I don't know why, but the newbie gave me a certain vibe that told me she wasn't so difficult or overly fake like most of my other coworkers. I actually started considering it a pity she chose to work from home. It probably would've been fun to have her around in the office. It would be like a fresh breath of air between all that small talk and showing off in the office.

“That bad?”, Verity asked me, the eyes behind her glasses probing my reaction.

I snorted and exited the elevator as soon as the door opened again.

“As bad as a norse god crashing at your place can be”, I grumbled dejected.

One of her eyebrows went up and she seemed intrigued. “Which one? One way or another I got known to some myself. We weren't really in touch lately but I think I can understand how troublesome they can be.”

She didn't seem to be lying and it also didn't seem by her expression that she was talking about someone with Thor's temperament. Were there more Asgardians roaming on earth? Well, considering that Thor's friends already once visited earth themselves as well, I wouldn't be too surprised. Maybe our planet was like a weird tourist attraction to them.

“Loki”, I told her with a sigh and she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Wait, _Loki_ is crashing at your place?”

I turned to look at her and frowned. Why did she look so shocked yet... angry?

“Yes?”

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was definetly angry.

“I have a request. Please do let me come over tonight and teach that idiot a lesson for suddenly disappearing on his best friend without any explanation.”

I blinked, stunned. Wait, what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the late update today. I had to calm myself down a little first before I was able to focus on writing. On the one day I tried my absolute best at work I ended up getting scolded and very possibly made my boss very angry for overstepping my boundaries or so. I mean I was told to memorize and learn how to complete the process of taking care of customer's orders and yesterday the fill-in, while my boss was on a holiday trip, told me to do that process today on my own. I got it shown throughly yesterday again but apparently my boss thinks that I am not trusted enough or skilled enough or whatever to handle that. I mean I would've understand if I messed up. But I actually dealt with it according to the instructions I got yesterday.
> 
> To say the least my self esteem took quite a hit and I feel quite discouraged at the fact my boss announced that he will "talk to me in private" tomorrow morning. I am certainly not looking forward to it.
> 
> Seeing the kudos I got and reading the comments really did cheer me up greately so thank you for that guys. It really does mean a lot to me.


	9. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years of honeymoon? Oh boy was she wrong. More like two years of messing up and you honing your killing skills. But surely Verity wouldn't like to hear that. Thankfully she would take the truth over a useless lie anytime.
> 
> (Over 10k words ever since I started this Project o.o Already?!)

Who would've thought that the random newbie I'd meet at work today would actually be a close friend or acquaintance of Loki? She claimed she was his best friend but naturally I'd rather take her words with a grain of salt. I mean I don't doubt that, no matter how much of an asshole he was, there would be some crazy fan girls somewhere lurking and thirsting for a chance to meet him in person. I disliked his past actions but I wasn't ignorant enough to not notice that he was very handsome in his own way. 

For now let's ignore any positive feelings I have towards his person and focus on the situation on hand.

“You know him?”, I asked Verity still confused and she nod, patient enough to explain to me.

“Yes, I last saw him shortly before his coming up wedding with a girl. He wanted to introduce her to me on the wedding but since my mom had an accident and I had to take her to the hospital I ended up being too late and once I arrived at the venue late, the place was already abandoned”, she told me.

_Oh_ , I thought. _So she's the one Loki always wanted to introduce to us._

It made sense now. 

“I see. Nice to finally meet you then, Verity. I didn't exactly expect to run into you here of all places but I guess you're probably curious about what happened that day”, I replied, believing her fully now and making an apologetic face. In the whole mess of that disastrous day everyone left the chapel pretty quickly and we forgot completely about the friend Loki invited and who would arrive late. Now that she mentioned it, it came back to me and I felt a little guilty.

“Yeah. You know about it?” She pulled me to a corner, putting some distance between ourselves and other people actually doing their work while we were chatting. “Well, I guess of course you do, since he seems to be at your place right now. I get that he was eager to start his honeymoon and would probably not stay in touch during it but seriously, _two years_?”

I had to tell her. If she were to meet him like this now, she'd remind him of what he lost and he would probably feel guilty for leaving his close friend behind in addition to the heartbreak he already suffered.

“Well, the thing is...”, I started, not exactly sure how to tell her. “The wedding crashed. The bride was my little sister.”

Verity looked at me, doubting my words according to her expression but she quickly seemed to believe me. I wasn't sure what could change her attitude or mind so quickly but I was happy she had an open mind.

“What happened? Is he okay?”, she asked, clearly concerned now. Well, her anger surely didn't last long.

I huffed and the frustration showed on my face. “He's fine. Better than he deserves to be. He messed up badly, that is what happened. Let's just say that finding out he was already married and his actual wife walking in into the wedding surely didn't spread much of a festive and celebratory mood.”

Verity's eyes widened at that and she was stunned. “He fucking _what_...?!”

She seem to think about it for a short while and shook her head.

“No, look. I know you're not lying but I am sure there is some kind of misunderstanding or that woman was lying. He was genuine about your sister. As genuine he can be. He really loved her and he never once spoke about being already wed. Loki expected the wedding to go smoothly!”

I looked around, wary about any nosy co-workers and sighed. When I looked her into the face I didn't bother hiding all the pain I felt from watching my sister be hurt.

“It wasn't a misunderstanding. He is already married. Well, was since he seemingly finally got a divorce. He just made the mistake of simply assuming his ex was already dead instead of checking the facts and making sure he wasn't bound to anyone anymore. And it all came back to slap him in his face on the one day my sister should've been happy.”

Verity stayed quiet and seemed to be in deep thought for a while. Long enough I started considering leaving her to her thoughts and go back to my desk.

“I am sorry”, she finally spoke quietly and I saw she meant it but also still had trouble processing all of it. “He's... an idiot. Really a huge idiot.”

I smiled without much happiness to my expression.

“I know.”

“Can I still... talk to him? I need to make sure he's truly okay”, Verity requested. “I know he's an idiot but he is not necessarily a bad person.”

I contemplated my choices for a short minute and finally nod. 

“Fine. I am off in thirty minutes. If you wait for me in front of the building I'll bring you to my place.”

“Thank you. I owe you one.”

* * *

It was priceless to see Loki's face once once he noticed me entering the apartment together with Verity. His eyes were widened in surprise and his face lit up with happiness only to darken with guilt and the realization he kind of just abandoned his best friend out of the blue.

“Hi Loki”, Verity spoke pointedly and looked at him seriously, arms once again crossed in front of her.

“Hello Verity”, he returned her greeting quietly. I enjoyed hearing the embarrassment and shame in his voice. I smirked and left the two of them alone to talk while I went to the kitchen to prepare drinks for everyone.

“Is tea fine for you, Verity?”, I called out, seemingly oblivious to the slightly awkward and tense atmosphere in the living room.

“I'd prefer a coffee if it's fine”, she replied, her voice still serious but a little more kind. 

“No problem!”, I told her and grabbed a coffee pad. “Is black fine? I ran out of milk this morning.”

“Black is perfect, thank you.”

I put a coffee pad into the machine and then proceeded to chose some random tea bags from my collection. It wasn't really a big collection. Just a few teas I like the best. If Loki liked them was not something I cared about. He was staying at my place so he unfortunately would have to do with what I could offer to him. 

I heard Verity call Loki an idiot and asking him about what I've told her earlier. Once the tea water was hot, I poured it into two cups and looked if I had a tablet of anything of the sort in my cupboards. Well, a cutting board would have to do. 

Once I came back into the living room with the hot beverages the situation turned into one of a woman scolding someone who appeared like a small boy who was caught with the hand in the cookie jar in the most motherly and demanding voice possibly. It was a fun evening already. Sometimes making new friends wasn't so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd here is your second chapter today. This one was easier to type down once I got back into the flow. 
> 
> I have a headache due to... well, feels. How I wish I could be as dead inside as I claim. Or at least a little more chill, a little less affected my feelings in general. I have a drag queen friend. They keep telling me to not listen to what other people say and I want to follow their advice but it is so difficult.
> 
> I think that writing this for you guys is actually keeping me little closer to sanity than I would be without.


	10. A Lie Unfolding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your hatered a lie? Your resentment not true? Your bloodlust all fake? What are we to discover? What are we to witness and see?

Verity ended up staying quite a while that day. It wasn't because she refused to leave but because I simply enjoyed her company just as much as Loki apparently did. It was obvious that he had missed his friend and after being scolded a little the two of them quickly went back to their friendship.

“So, how did you two meet?”, I asked curiously while we were all sitting in the living room and eating some plain pasta. 

“Speed dating”, Verity replied and I frowned, surprised but also doubtful of Loki's motivation behind going to a speed dating event.

“You're going to make her misunderstand!”, Loki sighed and Verity's presence really did wonders on him. Was actually looked alive now again. “I was there for a mission.”

I nod as if believing him. Who knows if he wouldn't lie straight into my face. 

“Well, a mission you failed on purpose, Loki”, Verity butt in and smiled at me. “He was actually disguising himself and used an illusion to fool the others into thinking he was just some middle aged guy.”

That peaked my interest. 

“Then how did you end up meeting if he wasn't even there in his usual appearance?”

Loki looked at Verity and she just nod, lifting her hand in an inviting gesture.

“See, Verity here has a special ability. She can see through any lie, any illusion and anything that is not _true_ or _real_ ”, he explained to me and I was amazed. There were actually people who could see through lies? 

“A human lie detector”, Verity added. “It's bothersome though. People these days are so fake and full of shit.”

“I am envious”, I told her and sighed. “I would love to know a lot of times if people are lying to me. Especially asshat over there” I nod my head into Loki's direction.

But seriously though, a human lie detector being the best friend of the God of Lies. How ironic and at the same time perfect. He was forced to be honest and probably ended up showing weaknesses and other things he was hiding from others to Verity. 

“It's nothing to be envious about, trust me”, she spoke with a quiet voice. “It can get really lonely when you are surrounded by liars.”

* * *

The day after her first visit I had a vacation day. I slept in plenty and when I ate my breakfast during lunch time, I had the sudden desire to just go outside for a walk and enjoy the cool soothing and fresh air on my face. So I did. I certainly wore less than I probably should've but feeling the cold trickle into my skin and my body growing more awake by the fresh wind blowing through my thin coat. 

Once I returned Loki was watching me curiously, trying to figure out why I would desire to walk around in the cold early winter weather. Shouldn't normal people hide away under blankets and drink hot beverages? 

“Enjoyed your walk?”, he asked me.

“Very much so. The weather is amazing. The sky is a little cloudy but it is fresh and not raining. 

Loki shook his head, not understanding why I would act like that.

“You're going to make yourself sick if you keep walking around like this in winter.”

I chuckled and annoyance rose within me. “So what? Is Mister Idiot worried about my health or what?”

“So what if I am?”

His words silenced me quite efficiently. I couldn't continue teasing him without making it horribly awkward. Dread rose within me when I noticed the look in his eyes when he said that line. He meant it. He was worried. I saw his care for me in his eyes.

_No no no no no! Don't care about me! Hate me!_ , a desperate voice within me cried out. I didn't exactly understand my own feelings. Why would it make a difference if he cared for me as a friend or hated me like an enemy? My actions shouldn't be determined by his actions, right?

Confused and feeling weird and frustrated and angry and happy all at the same time. It was a mess. I was a mess. My head was a mess. I couldn't figure out anymore what was truly what I wanted and felt like. And it tore me apart.

When I thought of a way to verify my hatred for Loki, I thought of my new friend and decided to just ask her.

_Hey, Verity_ , I typed into one of my messenger apps on my phone. _I need to ask you something. Are you free?_

* * *

“So I only need to say it to you?”, I questioned.

Verity nod and looked into my eyes. “I will be able to tell if you are lying. Even if you are lying to yourself. I do have to warn you thought. If you truly believe something to be the truth, it will become the truth for you so if you talk about one of the truths that only apply to you, I might not be able to see through it even if it were a complete lie since your faith and believe in your own truth will falsify the result.”

I listened to her explanation quietly and and nod, assuring her that I did understand what she was trying to tell me. Was I ready to find out the truth? Not at all. I was scared and nervous and I wouldn't have thought I would actually go through with it. It seemed like a very ridiculous idea that time.

“Okay, let me start then”, I said and looked at her seriously, making myself remember all the hateful things Loki caused and how he hurt my sister and how he was an idiot. And how he was just a nuisance and annoying me.

“I hate Loki”, I spoke with a firm voice, my anger and frustration surfacing again.

“Lie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am extremely sleepy but I promised to see a few friends tonight so this will be the only chapter I will post for today and instead go out to meet my friends.
> 
> I also did kind of a face reveal with my icon.


	11. More Lies and Few Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lie after another and the truth evades you it seems. What if you are lying to yourself that well that you already lost sight of what actually is long ago?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need your help guys. I can't decide on whom of the avengers to ship with reader's sister? I first thought of Bucky but then a good friend begged me to include Bucky/Steve elements and I caved in. So I need a new person. I did write "a new guy" a few chapters back for the the sister's new partner but honestly I don't care what the actual gender of the person is.  
> Please help me to decide in the comments or so. I'll probably go with the most popular idea for the sister's new partner.

I frowned.

"A lie?", I asked, making sure I didn't hear wrong. 

Verity shrugged. "I can only tell you what my feeling tells me. And I am usually not wrong. You don't actually believe you hate him."

"But I am angry! He hurt my sister and I almost went mad from anger when it happened", I replied confused and upset.

"Lie and truth", Verity spoke, one eyebrow raised. "You lie to yourself a lot, don't you?"

"No!", I exclaimed. I wanted to get more clearance, sooth my mind by doing this. I should've known this was a stupid idea. It ended up confusing me even more than I was before. All the complicated and mixed up feelings inside of me were bothering me, eating me up from the inside. I was losing my calm and the little peace I built up those past two years.

"Another lie."

I stopped talking altogether. I was looking at Verity and tried to comprehend what was happening. Loki and her both claimed she could see through lies and illusions and I believed them when they said so. But was she saying the truth?

"Are you messing with me?", I asked her, still unsure how to react.

"I hate being lied to most of all so I avoid lying myself. No matter if well intended, for fun or to escape the truth. You don't actually hate him. And you definitely were angry once, but not anymore, (y/n)", Verity explained to me. I suppose she saw my confusion and took pity of me, explaining things easy enough that even my stunned mind would comprehend the meaning.

"I... I see." Did I though? I wasn't so sure if I would be able to fully understand the implied meaning of those words. I refused to see it. I was better off lying to myself.

"A little lie but I guess this not your biggest problem right now", she said with a small grin. "You actually don't hate him. You _care_ about Loki."

She knew how much I wanted to hate him, how much I denied myself forgiving him. She didn't know the details but it wasn't difficult to see that. It was silly, ridiculous and useless and yet I mustn't forgive him. I swore to my sister that I will take revenge for her, promised to hate him with a passion her kind heart wouldn't dare to feel. I vowed to never forgive him, to never forget the pain he brought her. If I were to care about him, to forgive and forget, I would betray the promise I made to my sister. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I couldn't betray my sister. I had to be the one person who would never abandon her. Because she never abandoned me. I owe her so much.

"I mustn't", I whispered, still trying to deny all the worries and positive feelings I had and have for Loki. I denied that I was relieved to see life slowly returning into him, I denied that I was a little worried and felt pity for him that night he spend heartbroken alone in my cold living room. I denied that the idiot used to be so much fun to hang out with, that I used to approve of him as a person and used to look forward to be his sister in law, to have him as a close friend and family member. To have another person in my life that I knew didn't judge me for who I was and wouldn't abandon me. All the good things he did before, his unique ideas and his sarcastic jokes that made me laugh so much in the past, the ones that still make it impossible for me so hold back a chuckle no matter how much I try keeping a straight face.

"That's odd... It is true but why? Why would you not be allowed to care about anyone you want to care about?", I was questioned.

I grimaced, trying to hold back all those complicated and contradicting emotions. "I made a vow. I owe her at least this much. I failed to protect her and prevent it. So I have to avenge her."

"You mean your sister? Didn't she move on already?"

I nod. "She forgave and forgot already long ago. But I mustn't. Just because she is so kind and forgiving, doesn't mean I can. People used to abuse her kindness, trampled all over her. I don't know how she did it, but she kept her smile, her nice words and her kind heart. Her soul is so innocent and beautiful."

"She sounds like a good person. Maybe she wouldn't want you to do all of this to yourself though", Verity suggested. "Why not talk to her about the vow? If she is exactly as you described she probably doesn't even care if you don't fulfill the promise."

"I know... But I care."

* * *

_Hey sis. You free on Sunday?_

_Hey, yeah sure. What's wrong?_

_There is something I need to talk to you about... I'm okay though. Thanks. See you on Sunday._

_Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem that way._

* * *

_(y/n)?_

* * *

_(y/n) please answer me._

_I am fine. I promise._

_You were always a good liar. See you on Sunday then. Please be safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time i type a chapter on the ao3 site itself rather than typing it down on a text program before copy-and-paste'ing it.
> 
> The good friend I went to see last night showed up dead drunk. I was too exhausted to deal with a drunk person so I made sure he would get back home safely and left only to pass out the moment my head hit my pillow. My way from and to home yesterday lead over a big old cemetery and it seemed to amaze my friend. 
> 
> Apparently I am tougher than I look.


	12. Unexpected Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected visits are never pleasant for an introvert. But what if the one person visists you'd like to have in your apartment the least right now?

I tried to act as normal as I could after Verity told me that I've been lying to myself. Excuse me, I was certainly _not_?!

...Okay. Maybe I was.

_But_ let's face it. I just couldn't ignore what happened and what I promised my sister.

It was only an hour or so after I came back home the next day when my doorbell rang once again. I learned better than to just open it at random by now and I had Loki now in my apartment, so I was feeling like I had to act more responsible in front of him. It was pretense and horribly uncomfortable but I felt like I had to smear it into his face that I might be a better person than him. Who was I kidding? I was a horrible person. I mean... I planned murder. 

So since I was a respectable and serious adult in front of Mr Mischief, Man in Moon (or was it something with Kid? King? Nah, he certainly doesn't look like a King all depressed and heartbroken), I actually peaked out the spy hole to check who was outside. My face paled in panic and I jumped at Loki in a hurry, trying to pull him off the couch and drag him to hide in my bedroom. 

“Loki!”, I whisper-shouted urgently. “Hide!”

He simply frowned at me and didn't move an inch. Why were gods so freaking heavy?! Now was not the time to not cooperate!

“Why should I listen to you and hide? Is your boyfriend at your door or what? You are aware that trying to hide me will only look more susp-”

“My sister's at the door!”, I interrupted hissing and his eyes widened. He paled considerably as well and pain flashed through his gaze. 

At least he realized the gravity of the situation, grabbed his book and rushed to the bedroom, hiding more than willingly now.

“Don't tell her I am on Midgard!”, he simply said before the apartment went silent as if there was indeed no one else other than me there.

I tried to calm my racing heart and took a deep breath. Fine. I could do this. 

_Just act normal_ , I told myself.

I opened the door, trying to look more calm than I felt.

“Hey there, sweetie!”, I greeted her and hugged her tightly. “What are you doing here?”

My precious little sister frowned at me and scanned me worried. “Are you okay? I got worried after your text last night. I had to check up on you.”

My gaze grew a little softer and I smiled a little. “Yeah, I am fine. Wasn't today supposed to be date night? I don't want to keep you from seeing-”

“(y/n)”, my sister spoke seriously, interrupting me. “You always were a good liar. I know you are not fine. What is it? I refuse to leave until you speak to me about it. You never ask to talk about anything. And when you do it means something has been happening to you for a while and you can't endure it anymore.”

She let herself in, sitting on the couch where Loki was sitting just a few moments ago and I sighed. She was right after all. It was my awful pattern and bad habit to only ask to talk about anything about anything to anyone until I would be unable to handle it by myself anymore. It wasn't this bad this time, that was why I had no problems to wait another two days before meeting her. But it obviously still worried her.

“I know... I am sorry. I didn't want to worry you”, I admitted sheepishly and went over to her, sitting down next to the beauty.

“Come on, you know you can tell me anything”, she spoke more softly now and kept looking at my expression, showing that she cared and would listen to me, paying attention only to my well-being right now. It was so incredibly sweet and she always made me feel safe. I wish I could return at least only half of the warm she showed me throughout my life. 

I gazed at the closed bedroom door and she followed me, confused and trying to understand why the bedroom door seemed interesting to me at this moment. With a sigh I surrendered.

“Fine. I'll talk. But let's go somewhere else, I feel like I wasn't outside for way to long.”

“Yeah, sure”, my sister replied, sensible enough to tell that something about my bedroom was bothering me right now and making it impossible for me to openly talk. 

We both got up, I grabbed my things and exited the apartment together with her, walking down the stairs slowly. My sister suddenly grinned and nudged me into the side. 

“Are you hiding a guy in your bedroom or what?”, she laughed and shook her head, not noticing how I froze for a split second at how she so easily hit bull's eye. 

“I actually am”, I replied and smiled apologetic. “But he is also why I wanted to talk to you.”

My sister's face grew serious immediately again and she tried to read my expression as I held the front door of the building open for her so she could exit.

“Did he hurt you?”

I chuckled darkly.

“Less than he hurt you, sweetie.”

She frowned, her gorgeous eyes full of confusion and worry. Her warm and caring temperament feeling offended that anyone would hurt me but the wonder at who the person might be was too big for her to try and convince me to leave whoever was hurting me.

“Do I know him...?”, she asked carefully and stopped, causing me to turn around towards her.

I nod. I didn't know how to tell her any other way than just tell her the truth.

_Don't tell her I am on Midgard_ , Loki's words echoed in my mind. As if I would ever listen to him.

“Sweetie... Loki's back.”

Her eyes widened and her expression froze. She quickly caught herself though and sighed, rubbing her forehead to fight the coming headache. 

“Let's go. I need a drink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Another one coming today though once I got into more comfortable clothing and I utelized my new blanket the way it should be used. It is growing colder but it is not cold enough yet for the heater.
> 
> I am grateful for @9amuro's suggestion since they were the only one to reply in time. I was planning to implement the newly chosen character already in this chapter but the actual talk between reader and reader's sister will only happen next chapter so it was delayed.   
> Well, fact is, I am not taking any suggestions anymore and will go with @9amuro's idea. 
> 
> So shoutout to @9amuro and their great writing! Trust me, you should check it out even if it might seem confusing at first, it was written very artistically and I enjoy it very much.


	13. A Mojito and Pussy Destroyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Mojito and a Pussy Destroyer, sitting in a pub...

I didn't blame her for wanting a drink after that revelation. Currently we were sitting in a small cozy pub nearby her place. It was our regular go-to place if we both wanted to spend some time while drinking some drinks. And their cocktails were actually really good. Not all of them were overly sweet. But nearly each and every one had the most ridiculous name. While my sister was sipping on a classic Mojito while I was sipping on a _Pussy Destroyer_. It was my favorite, regardless of it's name.

“So he is back?”, my sister hummed and her amber eyes almost glowed golden in the warm light. She didn't seem to be too fazed by it. 

I nod. “He's currently crashing at my place until Thor arranges something else for him.”

“Still unable to do anything properly or legally without outside help, huh?”

I chuckled and replied: “At least on _Midgard_ , yes.”

She smiled and shook her head, taking another sip from her drink.

“I have to admit, I didn't expect him to come back anymore”, she said. I tried to observe her expression, not sure if I should be happy or worried over the fact she somehow seemed perfectly fine. 

“I hoped he would.”

With a smirk she looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Did you already try to kill him?”

“Of course... with difficulties”, I admitted ashamed. “I failed.”

“I didn't expect you to”, she replied, poking her tongue out at me playfully and I sighed.

“Are you really okay?”, I asked.

She tilted her head a little and chuckled. “Yeah, why shouldn't I? I did say I'd need a drink but it had a different reason. I have my own troubles as well.”

So she didn't want to go out for a drink because of me telling Loki was back? Well, it wouldn't be unlikely for her to abandon herself in the face of helping someone she cared about. 

“Honestly, you know me so I am not going to lie to you. I've been worried about something for a few days now so when I heard it was only Loki, I was actually relieved. I was worried you got yourself with another psychopath or you were in serious trouble.”

“ _Only_ Loki?”, I chuckled. “I am glad you are not bothered by it. Or should I be concerned?”

“Look, (y/n). He may be my ex but you used to get along so well in the past. After I got over him I realized him and I were actually never truly meant for each other. When I met Sam I realized I didn't want to be the one who would always have to help. I wanted to be helped from time to time as well. He helped me greatly with my fears and honestly he is so sweet to me, I feel more comfortable with him than I did with Loki. I felt bad when you started hating him only because it didn't work out between him and me.”

I frowned. “Only because it didn't work out between the two of you? You are aware, that this is a big understatement, sis, right? You would've been married now if not for that incident.”

“And divorced as quickly as we got together. So I am glad I actually saved that money. I got over him long ago and way too quickly to claim it was actually true love. I am being real here. I don't want to keep yourself from getting that friendship between Loki and yourself back only because he is my ex. I know somewhere within you, you still care about him. The connection between you and him was more true than mine with him was.”

I listened to her silently, not saying anything just gazing into her kind and understanding eyes as she spoke to me. I knew she was telling me the truth. I wasn't surprised she saw through me since she knew me better than I knew myself. She always knew when I was lying, when I wasn't or what I was thinking. Back in our childhood days when her height just reached mine before growing even taller than me, we were often mistaken for twins since she could so easily see through me. 

“But...”, I started. “...I promised you... I can't just abandon that grudge...”

“Forgive him and forget what happened, hun”, my sister answered and grasped my hand. “Forget he ever was together with me. Forget and forgive yourself too. Allow yourself to be his friend. I know you secretly want it.”

I didn't reply. I simply squeezed her hand in mine quietly and looked at her gratefully. I didn't deserve her. She was too kind. I wish I could be at least a little more like her. A little less stubborn, a little more kind.

“So...What are you worried about?”, I questioned. I didn't reject or refuse her words. She knew it meant I accepted them. But since I didn't openly admit anything about them or answered straight, she knew I still needed time. It made her merely roll her eyes.

“Sam asked me if I'd like to move in with him”, she replied. “But I am not sure. You know I am living with Mum and Dad still because we agreed on taking it slow. And now I am simply overthinking. The usual. What if he will get sick of me after having to spend almost 24/7 with me? What about the others? Will they even approve of _us_?”

I laughed. It was so like my sister to worry about being disliked when anyone she meets was instantly smitten by her angelic charm.

“They will love you, sweetie”, I told her. “And I doubt he would grow sick of you anytime soon. You're amazing, no one could hate you.”

“Of course they could! I am not perfect!”

“Sweetie, stop. Even your imperfections are extremely adorable. And I doubt Sam would suggest it to you if he weren't 100% sure. You should just stop overthinking and move in with him, trust me.”

“But...”

“No! Shush! Anyone else would _kill_ to move in with one of the guys working with the Avengers and ending up living in the same place as them. And there you get the chance and you refuse it because you feel you are not good enough. Trust me, little sister, if you could charm a god, then you will certainly charm a few super-humans into accepting you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter for today. I am actually surprised that writing goes that smoothly for me right now. I know my style is certainly not amazing but I guess everyone starts somewhere, right? And we are at over 15k words now. I hope you enjoyed the ride so far.


	14. Whiskey In The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family reunion and a whiskey as cheap and horrible as it can be might be the best thing for bonding.

My sister left the pub together with me. I escorted her back to her place. It wasn't far but it still felt like an eternity. Wasn't this normal when you were heading to a place you were unwilling to go to? It wasn't the return to my own apartment that filled me with dread but the return to what my sister currently called her home. 

Our parent's new house. 

My relationship with them used to be much better, then again a bit worse only to get better again and then plummeted down the drain again. It was an up and down and honestly I was tired of it. Why couldn't I just be left alone if they couldn't decide on hating or loving me? Even though within those last two years they certainly seemed to finally decide on one of those feelings.

“Do you want to come inside for a bit?”, my sister asked me quietly. I think she knew my answer already.

“Not really. You know mother and I don't really see eye to eye anymore. And father listens to anything mother decides on.”

“I am sure they miss you by now. They don't insult you in front of me any more. Maybe they regret their actions? Come on sister, give them a chance. For me, please. Just stay for a coffee or cup of tea.”

I already knew how it would end in the end and yet I couldn't deny my sweet innocent and naive little sister anything. She always tried to see the good in anyone. It was her best and worst quality. It made me do things I knew would hurt and destroy me. But I couldn't reject her.

“Fine”, I agreed in the end and she led me inside the small yet cozy and homey house. The pictures in the hallway near the entrance showed warm and loving family pictures. All of them were in color and full of life. Each showed the smiling and happy faces of my mother, father and my sister. None of them showed me. Only further back in the corner you could spot a single photograph that seemed out of place. The emotionless face of a little young face very similar to mine now, a little girl posing on a suitcase with a teddy bear in a little princess dress, her gaze too empty to be called joyful and her posture too forced to be called natural. It was a black and white picture my mother made me pose for at a professional shoot. It was the only picture of me my mother deemed acceptable enough. It was the memory of a time when I was still obedient, doing exactly as my mother said. A time long past and gone and the only things left ever since was that single photo hanging now in a shadowy corner in the hallway.

“I'm back mom! I brought a guest!”, my sister shouted with a smile, eager and hopeful for probably something she expected to turn into a touching family reunion. 

“Welcome back, darling! Who did you bring?”, I heard my mother from the living room and she came to the hallway, intending to welcome my sister and her guest. When my mother's eyes spotted me, she froze and her friendly and polite smile faded instantly.

“What are _you_ doing here?”, she hissed. “Darling, you should know that this is a blessed household under the protection of _god_ and not an evil witch's lair! Why did you let her enter?”

I chuckled darkly. I expected as much. Nothing changed. My parents didn't change within those last two years at all. My mother was still full of superstitions, faithful to her religion and denying the fact still, that her precious favored daughter used to date a god who wasn't exactly included in my mother's religion.

“Mom!”, my sister gasped, shocked and honestly surprised. “She's my sister! _Your_ daughter!”

My sister instantly turned to me, apologetic and regretful. “Sis! I really didn't expect mom to say such a thing! I am so sorry! If I'd known...!”

I smiled gently at her and didn't try to pay my mother any attention. “Shhh, it's fine. I knew it would happen, sweetie. It's fine, really. I was prepared. I know you only meant it well.”

My sister grew distressed and worried for me. “Sis, I-”

“It's fine, really. I trust you and always will.”

I gave her a little hug under the glares of my mother and when I let her go I looked towards the woman that gave birth to me. There were times she would love me just as much as my sister. But those times were long gone. And the damage was irreparable. 

“I will take my leave now. Have a good night”, I said politely and smirked. “Miss, please do not forget to spray salt over your doorstep to keep out evil spirits. Who knows what I've left behind?”

I heard my mother curse at me, call me a devil's spawn, evil witch and whatever else when I exited the house and made my way back home. An apartment with Loki in it would always feel more like a home to me than this cursed place my parents build up and denied me entry to due to what happened two years ago.

I always claimed in front of my sister that it truly didn't bother me but I knew best that I was simply lying to her. Who could ever get used to such treatment from the parents you once grew to love? It was like being stabbed in the back. Painful betrayal. So when I passed a gas station on my way back to my apartment, I entered resolutely and decided that one more drink tonight wouldn't hurt. And if one more drink was a full bottle of strong, cheap, disgusting whiskey, then so be it.

* * *

“You smell of alcohol”, Loki welcomed me with a scrunched up nose when I entered the apartment.

I somehow wasn't completely wasted yet but certainly on a good way to be so soon. The whiskey bottle had still around a third of it's contents in there, the way back home too short for me to finish it all. 

“Shut up, asshole”, I grumbled with a slightly slurred speech, throwing off my shoes and coat. I flung my keys onto the small table next to the entrance and swayed over to the couch with unsteady steps. 

Loki scanned my figure and frowned, his face darkening. “You're drunk.”

I snorted and shook my head. “No shit, Sherlock.”

I made my way over to him and sat next to Loki on the little space there was still left on the couch.

“Not as drunk as I would like to be yet though”, I added.

He put his book aside and studied me.

“What happened? Weren't you meeting with your sister?”

“Oh yeah that I was. And she brought my to our parent's home after that. I was pretty decent and sober enough until then, trust me”, I said with a dark laugh and took a big gulp from the whiskey bottle. I gulped down the burning liquid and started coughing, the liquor too strong for my untrained throat.

Loki was quick to get a hold of the bottle and tore it out of my hands, putting it somewhere, where I couldn't drink more than I could handle.

“What happened? (y/n), talk to me”, he demanded, forcing by grabbing my chin to look into his eyes. His emerald were burning themselves into mine, trying to force the truth out of them.

I sighed.

“It's just... my family sucks”, I admitted and tried to look away from him but his grip on me didn't loosen. 

“Why? Your family was fine until I left.”

“Things changed, Loki. People change all the time. Let's just say my parents didn't take the way my sister's wedding was canceled too well. The object of their hatred vanished so they couldn't vent it anywhere. And since you were so kind to teach me magic, they saw your skills and your person in me and what is easier than reflecting their hatred on the person that reminded them of the person they actually hated?”

I felt his body stiffen during my monologue filled with bitter feelings, pain and resentment. He finally let go of my chin, letting me go and I stood up, reaching for the bottle again. He was still too stunned, trying to comprehend my words to stop me. So I drank some more of the cheap whiskey to drown the feelings of betrayal and pain before he could get in my way again.

“Is that why you are not using magic anymore?”

I tried to ignore how guilty his voice sounded, how worried he looked or how he felt pity for me. I tried to ignore how his heart started aching for my situation. I didn't want his pity. I didn't need it. It wouldn't help me either way.

“According to my parents I am now a proud evil witch, a spawn of Satan and a monster. I used to take pride in my new abilities but somehow that happiness faded a bit. Would you blame me?”, I answered, my voice full of the bitterness I felt.

Loki shook his head quietly and sighed.

“Not at all, dear. I am sorry. I wasn't aware my actions caused you so much pain...”

“It's fiiiiiine”, I slurred, the rising level of alcohol in my system gradually making me more and more lightheaded so I started stretching the first vocal of the second word. I was barely aware how I started sway more and more while standing. 

“Care to share your drink, pet? I think I might need one too.”

I smirked and handed him the whiskey. 

“Cheers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update for today. I will certainly post more.
> 
> I once again want to thank for the comments and kudos. They really encourage me to keep this fanfic going. My boss actually asked me at work if it was true what he heard from coworkers. He asked if I was writing again. AAAAAAAaaaaand I said yes. But obviously I was _NOT_ going to show him this even though it is the only thing I am writing as it is for now.


	15. Angels And Maybe A New Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agreeing on the fact that your sister is an angel seems like a good thing. And who knows? Maybe you'll be able to forgive Loki one day.

“This drink is awful”, Loki commented after taking a sip and cringing in disgust.

I laughed and the alcohol in my blood loosened my spirit while we were both lounging on the couch. 

“What did you expect? I bought it because it was cheap, not because it would taste good.”

Loki shuddered after he tried another sip of the whiskey and then decided that it was no good.

“No, I still don't understand how one could stomach such a revolting beverage”, he said and with a wave of his hand a small glow of greenish light my treasured bottle of whiskey disappeared.

“Nooooooo! Loki! My alcohol!”, I cried and jumped him as if reaching out to save the bottle that once was in his hands. “How dare you! Give it back!”

He pushed me off him gently and put me back down on my seat with a huff.

“Relax, I simply disposed of the atrocity. You're better off drinking something that at least tastes good enough to not induce vomiting”, he explained and with another wave of his hand he suddenly held a glass bottle with intricate design and gold foil details in his hand. The amber liquid in it looked inviting and somehow warm.

“ _This_ is something that I preferred drinking back on Asgard. But beware, it is probably much stronger than anything on Midgard”, he explained and I eyed the bottle with sparkling eyes.

“Give me! Please!”, I begged, more than willing to drown my previous bitter feeling and my entire mind in liquor. 

Loki rolled his eyes at my drunken antics. “Not until I am at least s drunk as you are. It's never fun to be the sober one in the company of a drunk person.”

I smirked at him and nodded, willing to be patient if it meant I would get the usually oh so composed norse god _drunk_.

* * *

I think it was already the third bottle of Loki's heavenly liquor when I noticed the first signs of drunkenness on his face. It was fascinating to watch how he was actually willing to get intoxicated and that even a god would have the desire to drown his feelings in alcohol from time to time. Granted, with how amazing the Asgardian beverage tasted, getting drunk suddenly felt less pitiful and more like a pleasure to me. 

“I am a fool...”, Loki mumbled, his face downcast and a few loose strands of his hair falling into his face. His voice sounded pained and sorrowful. “I am such a fool.”

I sneaked a sip from his drink, relishing in it's wonderful taste and looked at him curiously, my intoxication making me more friendly towards him.

“How so? I thought you believed yourself to be fairly intelligent.”

He raised his gaze and looked at me, replying: “I am a fool though. It was too wishful of me to think that your sister would take me back. I should've known an angel like her wouldn't stay free for too long. She is too desirable.”

I snorted and shook my head. Again all about my sister. “Yeah, she's perfect. I can't hold a candle to her.”

Loki tilted his head, seemingly confused and intoxicated him somehow reminded me a little bit of my cute sister. His current state seemed almost as innocent and good natured as her. 

“Why would you say so? She is amazing but so are you”, he spoke, for once no sly glint or smirk in his expression. It felt weird. As if he was being _honest_.

I burst out laughing and threw my head back, the laughter overtaking me. Why did it seem so funny to me? I didn't know but I somehow felt actual joy and amusement from his words. My drunken mind was probably messing with me. I couldn't stop laughing even until my stomach hurt and Loki looked at me, seemingly offended.

“Hey! Don't you dare not believe me you stubborn mortal”, he protested and grabbed my shoulders, shaking them to make me stop laughing. “You! Are! Amazing!”

It was just too out of character for him. I couldn't take drunk Loki serious. It was just too hilarious. Each and every word from him only made me laugh more. He finally let me go, slightly pouting and took a big gulp of his bottle. 

“Idiot”, he cursed me. 

When I finally calmed down again I shook my head with a grin. “The idiot is calling me an idiot. Funny.”

“You're a stubborn idiot and I won't take it back!”

“Not asking you to. But I hope you are aware that it is a bit hard to believe the words of a well-known liar.”

“I am not lying”, he denied.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”, I started singing loudly and smirked at him.

He frowned, growing a little more displeased.

“Is there really no way to redeem myself?”, he asked.

With a sigh I pitied that drunk Loki was obvious one that was only a little less serious than sober Loki. Just a little bit more cute.

“I don't know Loki. You and I were both used to living in our sibling's shadow. But for me it wasn't as unbearable as it was for you. I quickly realized that hiding in my sister's shadow allowed me to always be around her unseen and could secretly protect her from any harm coming her way. I always was the weirdo standing behind my sister and glaring murderously at any malicious person trying to approach my sister”, I explained to him, growing now a little more sullen myself.

He didn't reply so I continued.

“Look, my sister was the only one who contentiously treated me with love and care. When my mother forbid me from buying any more books since I was supposedly reading too much, my sister would make sure I would always receive a book as a gift from her or other people outside my parent's influence. She was the one to always defend me and protect me in her own way. Without her I wouldn't have been able to hold on through all the mess within my family, Loki.”

“She really is an angel”, he whispered quietly.

“That she is. So I will always hate anyone who hurts her.”

Loki grew silent, his expression seemingly understanding and not blaming me for my choice. He knew he would probably act the same if he were in my position. A soft and warm smile somehow sneaked on my face, my heart grateful he wasn't angry at me for feeling this way.

“I promise I will try to forgive you. Just please give me time”, I spoke quietly in the end, my smile still on my face as I leaned my head onto his shoulder and relaxed my body as the alcohol finally clouded my mind fully and my eyes grew heavy. Sweet slumber captured me and the last thing I was aware of was Loki wrapping his arms around me and his voice whispering a thank you against the crown of my hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand second update for today! As you can see, finally the plot is progressing some more and is getting a tad bit more sweet. I am aware that drunk Loki is probably OOC af but I honestly had no idea how else to write him in a drunken state and the idea that he might turn into a bit more childish version of himself when drunk seemed amusing to me.
> 
> I absolutely love any attention you're giving this fic and I want to thank you guys once again. I didn't think it would be any good actually.


	16. At His Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Loki finally gets a bit closer to you than what you would want him to as you try to escape his touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 19999 words with this chapter. Lol.

The morning after I decided to get dead drunk I awoke with less of a headache than I expected. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I also ended up remembering nearly the whole evening. Some details eluded me but I mostly remembered what Loki and I were talking about and I couldn't help but groan. At least I ended up not saying anything too embarrassing.

“Rise and shine, (y/n)!”, Loki's voice tore me even further out of my sleepy haze.

“Shut up”, I replied and turned around, burying my head further under the blanket.

He tore away my blanket and I protested, trying to get the blanket back from him.

“Hey!”, I cried, offended.

He simply smirked at my glare and nodded towards the kitchen with his head.

“Come on, get up. I prepared breakfast. It'll get cold.”

I got up slowly and still a little sleepy. I frowned a little.

“You made breakfast? What's the occasion?”, I asked.

“Just a little token of appreciation. After all, you are letting me stay at your place for free for now”, he claimed.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at the small breakfast table. It was overfilled with pancakes and some dishes you'd consider the perfect hangover breakfast food.

“Thanks then”, I mumbled and sat down, my stomach overriding my stubborn personality. I mean who would refuse warm and freshly made pancakes? They smelled very tempting and delicious.

“No, I have to thank you”, Loki threw back and sat down across of me with a smile. He seemed oddly cheerful. I didn't really mind that much but I was unsure what could've caused the change in him. Maybe he was still a little intoxicated?

I eyed him, suspicious of his odd behavior but the mouth watering scent of the breakfast in front of me pushed the suspicion into the back of my mind pretty quickly as I was starving. Honestly I would be lying if I claimed that I would ever be able to prepare a breakfast as delicious as this one was. If I wasn't aware before that Loki could actually cook pretty darn well, I certainly was aware of it now.

* * *

It was Saturday and I wasn't really planning on going anywhere. And Loki seemed perfectly content with being stuck in a small apartment as well. Doesn't he have any other hobbies than reading books?

I sneaked a peak at the raven haired male sitting on his seemingly now favorite spot on my couch, drowning himself in the world of words and paper. I smirked a little and moved my hand. The movement still felt so familiar yet a little bit less natural than it used to before. I lost my practice. 

Honestly, I didn't know what gave me the glorious idea of suddenly going back to the things I vowed to not use anymore. And I certainly had no clue why I thought it would be fun to make Loki's book fly out of his hands and into mine by using the magic he taught me a few years back. But seeing his stunned face as the book slipped out of his grasp and flew in a straight line over to me was satisfying. 

He reacted fast though. His hand reached out, moving the same way mine did just a few minutes ago. While my hand moved carefully to get the movement and chant right, his was quick as a whip from practice and his magic wrapped itself around the book with a faint emerald glow, fighting my magic as for a few seconds the book floated between the two of us in a stand still, our powers playing a tug of war over the control. He smirked at me and his eyes glowed with a sly glint as he watched me starting to struggle against his power. I pursed my lips and frowned, trying to focus as much magic I could muster up to keep the control of the book. I was determined to let it float to me, not willing to give him the satisfaction of getting his book back.

To be fair, I actually had no chance. I wasn't even close to the point of the student surpassing their master. I learned magic only for half a year until Loki vanished out of my life again and didn't practice it ever since. Granted, that is a lie but who wouldn't save their phone at the last minute before falling into a puddle? Magic did have it's perks. 

To sum it up: Loki was a master, an expert and had decades of experience. Me on the other hand, I was an amateur, a rookie and barely had 6 months of training. It was obvious who had the bigger capabilities and won our little silly fight over control.

I was ready to give up, my magic almost fully drained by this simple spell. That was until Loki chuckled darkly and removed his hold on the book. I stopped myself a short second after he did and the book fluttered into my direction but the sudden loss of magic on it made it hit the ground and slide a bit further towards me instead of floating gracefully.

The next thing I knew was Loki's hand whipping quickly in the same motion again we both used before only that this time his magic didn't wrap itself around the book but instead around my body and the tingly feeling of his magic on me trapped me, refusing me any chance of retaliation while I was dragged over to him, his expression smug and mischievous. 

“So you want to play, pet?”, he spoke with a low voice and even though it sounded inviting it made me shudder. 

“Let me go, idiot!”, I protested and struggled against the bonds of his magic. I watched him stand up and as he leaned into my trapped figure now in front of him, I was oddly aware of how nice he smelled. 

“What if I have better ideas for you, love?”, he purred and he caressed my cheek with his fingers, the tingling feeling of his magic on me amplified by his touch. I felt my face heating up and I certainly didn't like the probing and promising look he gave me. It felt as if he was promising me something I wouldn't forget anytime soon.

“Loki! Don't you dare!”, I hissed at him and tried to give him my most threatening glare.

“Too late, pet”, he replied with a smirk and raised his hands, reaching out for my body. 

I couldn't move. I was at his mercy. 

“Loki, please”, I whimpered, resorting to begging. “Please don't.”

Of course it didn't save me from his hands snaking their way over my waist while I was incapable of escaping anyhow. And so I was slowly but surely tortured by his palms on my sides until I was a breathless mess and too weak to hold myself up if it weren't for his magic still making sure I was standing up straight in front of him.

I fucking hate it when someone tickles me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not ask me how I came up with this one. It just flowed out of my hands. Maybe I am messing with you. Maybe it's fun. 
> 
> I was doing accounting the whole day at work today. Let me have some fun.


	17. I've Got The Magic In Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shows you again what you almost started forgetting again, exploring your abilities and strengthening them.

"Not like this", he whispered and grabbed my hand, bending my index finger some more while leading my movements. "See? This way it is more comfortable."

I frowned and nod, trying to memorize the movement. Loki was standing next to me, oddly close and one arm snug against my own as he showed me the correct way to cast the spell. Focusing on the lesson was more difficult than expected. Maybe the anger and hate in me caused my body to tense up a little around him. It wasn't really uncomfortable, I was just more aware of how close he was than I probably would usually be.

"And then, close them all one by one while turning your hand inside towards yourself. This way the movement and pull on the magic will be stronger since each finger sends a 'come here' message through your magic towards the object instead of just your hand once. It amplifies the control and speed."

I would be lying if I were to deny that I enjoyed seeing Loki in his element, being passionate and serious about his magic while actually being a good teacher. But let's face it, when did I not lie when it came to anything concerning Loki? 

"If you want to increase the speed, just pull your hand once it is closed into a fist in a quick pull towards yourself as if tugging on a string. After all the magic does work like a string pulling the item towards you in this moment", he explained patiently. "Got it?"

I nod and tried my best to follow his instructions.

Loki stepped away from me, giving me a little more space to perform and watched me seriously. When I practiced the hand movement on a pillow and with each repitition my magic grew stronger and a little bit more steady, Loki's lips curled up in a small smile. It almost looked as if he were _proud_. Silly thought. As if. This was one of the most basic spells. He definetly saw better students.

Loki continued the tedious training until my magic was full drained and I felt weak. My head hurt a little and I started to feel dizzy. 

"You did well, pet", Loki said, his expression now undeniable full of pride and happiness. Why would he even care about my progress in magic?

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel offended when he told me my magic was sloppy and I was lacking control a few hours back. I mean it was rude of him to just throw that into my face after torturing me with tickles. But at the same time I was very much aware that it was the truth.

"Thanks", I mumbled, still unwilling to act any more friendly than needed with him. He would be gone and disappear out of my life anyway in a few days...

My legs felt weak and I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Using this much magic at once after a long break drained me immensly. My body couldn't handle it and no matter how much I tried not to, I could only give in to my weakness and wobbled over to my bedroom, ready to drop into my bed and sleep the exhaustion away.

Loki started to frown, the pride in his face disappearing and instead giving in to worry. 

"Are you okay? It seems we overdid it today", he said softly, shaking his head and reaching out to me to help me stand.

"I'll be fine", I grumbled and moved further towards the bedroom. My knees were shaking and the world started to spin around me. I blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the headache and willing to reach my bed without any outside help. But of course Loki just had to be Loki, always butting in when I would've been perfectly fine on my own.

He reached me with a few quick steps and picked me up with one swift motion. It made me even more dizzy than I was, the sudden shift making my head throb. 

"Let me go, Loki", I resisted weakly, my voice sounding sleepy and the exhaustion showing on my face. I tried go push him away from me but his unrelenting arms kept me in a tight and secure hold. I was too tired to resist much so I had to accept the bridal carry sooner or later. My stubborn mind refused vehemently. But my body didn't play along.

"You can't even stand on your own anymore. I am sorry. I pushed you too far and drained your magic entirely", he admitted and proceeded to my bedroom, placing me carefully on the bed. I didn't even notice when my hands started grabbing onto his shirt but he had to gently force my hands to open so I would let go of him again, too tired to comprehend much other than the fact that I was finally able to get some rest.

"Whatever, idiot", I mumbled and rolled to my side to get more comfortable. "Now shoo, shoo. I'm sleepy."

* * *

Loki didn't even have enough time to leave the room until the female on the bed drifted into a land of deep slumber and sweet dreams. He smiled a little and chuckled, quiet enough it wouldn't wake the sleepyhead.

Carefully he sat down on the edge of the bed and gently tried to brush a few locks that fell into her relaxed face away. Her eyelids fluttered a little at his cool touch and he froze, only continuing when he was sure she was deeply asleep. His expression grew even softer and his hands couldn't help but hover over her hair, not sure if it was okay to stroke her hair. In the end he caved in to his desires and his thin fingers brushed through her face, soothing and comforting. 

"I'm sorry I hurt you, (y/n)", he whispered and finally got up after a while, leaving the girl alone to rest. "You and your sister both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accounting today again. At least I am being amused by some people's hilarious email adresses. Yes, accounting can see them. I see them all. The more ridiculous the better. Please use weird emails when signing up in online shops or paypal. Thanks.


	18. Positive Aura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you can be a ray of sunshine by planning murder and giving threats.

The weekend passed quietly. Loki took it upon himself to tutor me in magic again. If only that prideful idiot wouldn't keep looking down on my abilities, I'd actually feel grateful. If I have to listen to another of his rants about how my magic and his seidr were very similar in nature yet so different since his is obviously better and oh so more capable... bla bla bla. Idiot.

On Monday I had to return to work again. It was okay. No big deal. I was used to forcing myself to be a functioning member of society. It did help that apparently Loki started cooking at home regularly, so I we weren't forced to eat my medicore cooking anymore. I was actually worried how my tastebuds would get used to my own food again after being spoiled by Loki's secret talent. Never would I've thought that he actually learned and mastered cooking to a level that his dishes tasted better than anything I was able to afford with my pay. I actually trusted him enough with my shopping money today so I could return to some delicious dinner after work. Loki even made me a lunch box to take to work. I didn't look inside yet but I knew I could expect something good.

"Hey, (y/n)", Mrs Tristan greeted me. "How was your weekend?"

"Quiet", I replied politely and asked her in return how hers was. 

"Oh it was amazing. I went to the rink with my family and the kids had lots of fun. We actually could organize a day at the ice rink with everyone here on a weekend soon. Doesn't it sound like fun?", she said cheerfully and I nod.

"It sure does, Mrs Tristan. I'll be looking forward to it then!"

I knew when Mrs Tristan talked about a collective day outside of work for our deparment and a new idea she had, it was merely her informing us that we will soon be notified of a date and time. Once she put something into her head, she would pull through with it. Especially if she could make the _'team_ spend some more time together. She was always excited about these kind of things. It was bothersome for me since I always attempted to draw a clear line between private and work and being forced to spend my free time with coworkers wasn't really my favourite thing to do.

At least it wasn't something like going to the spa, sauna or swimming pool. I was much more comfortable with places that didn't require me to show more skin than I was comfortable showing at work with. I don't think I'd enjoy having to see my coworkers in any state of undress. And I didn't want to bare myself in front of them.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

"Will Miss Willis have to come along as well?", I asked.

"Of course! After all she is part of the team as well, even if she works from home!", Mrs Tristan replied with a smile and I felt a little bit of schadenfreude fill me. At least I wouldn't have to suffer on my own.

* * *

It was a bit later that day when one of my coworkers at the phone gave me _that_ look. 

A difficult customer. 

I sighed and accepted my fate and nodded towards her. 

"Good day! You reached welovefurniture.com. My name is (y/l/n), how can I help you today?", I spoke cheerfully after the girl connected the customer to my phone and I picked it up.

"H-Hello", the other side answered, obviously taken aback by my cheerful welcome and stuttered a bit. "I have a problem with my order."

I put on my fake worried voice and tried to sound shocked and ashamed at the same time. "Oh no! I will do my utmost best to fix the problem, Sir! I am so sorry you made this experience."

"I-it's fine", he answered and his voice seemed vaguely familiar to me but I couldn't really place a finger on where I've heard it before. Maybe a regular? "It's just that we will have someone moving in soon and we need the furniture asap but the delivery didn't arrive yet."

"I see. That indeed is a problem. Could I trouble you to give me your name and oder id so I can track the order and maybe see what I can do about it, Sir?", I replied politely, seemingly invested in his problem.

"My name?" Somehow he seemed amused. "Anthony Edward Stark. I placed my order last friday and chose express shipping. It should've arrived this morning."

My breath hitched and realization hit me. Of course I've heard this voice before. I tried to not let my short moment of surprise be too noticable and went to look up his order. Even if I had Iron Man on the other end of the phone, he was just another customer to me.

"Let me see", I replied. "According to the data available to me the delivery should be arriving any moment."

"Man of Iron! The men with the furniture are here!", I heard Thor's booming voice faintly shout in the background on the other side of the phone and a small amused smile curled up the edges of my lips. 

I heard Tony clean his throat a little embarassed. 

"It seems you weren't lying with the _any moment_ ", he said. "They just arrived."

"That's great! I am glad it all worked out in the end, Sir!", I answered with my professional voice until I decided to do something I certainly woudn't dare to with any other customer.

" _Man of Iron_ , say hi to Sam from (y/n) and you better take good care of my little sister or I will make sure that the damage Loki did back then to New York will be nothing compared to the damage I will do to _you_ if any harm were to befall her. Have a good day", I spoke, my voice growing increasingly threatening with each word and finally hung up the phone.

The coworker who pushed Stark to me, probably unknowing she had been talking to Iron Man himself came over to me after a few more minutes once she saw me putting the phone back down.

"So...? Is he still very mad?", she asked worried. Bad reviews would always affect our shop and Mrs Tristan was always rather sour if we'd get another one. So usually we try our best to prevent them.

"Everything's fine. He claimed his order was late but as we were speaking it arrived so it should be resolved", I explained to her and I saw her calm down noticably. 

"Thank you so much, (y/n)! I knew you could soothe anyone with your positive aura!", she thanked me cheerfully and the left to go back to her spot. "I owe you a bar of chocolate!"

I didn't reject the offer of chocolate but chuckled a little when I heard her words. Me and positive aura? For frick frack's sake... I planned the murder on a god and just threatened Iron Man. Yeah sure, I was a ray of of sunshine, how was I _not_ aware of it before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original plan was for it to be a random customer but why not bring in a little fun twist?


	19. Faded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faded, as a warm dinner leaves you cold.

Lunch was amazing. It had to be mentioned that I've never had a better lunch box to work. Countless coworkers gathered around me when the mouth watering smell of the cold dishes spread in the break room after I removed the lid on the box. I savoured the meal and enjoyed every bit of it.

Needless to say, I was looking forward to dinner even more now. How much better would a warm meal taste if he already could make such delicious lunchboxes?

"Loki! I'm home!", I shouted cheerfully once I entered the apartment and didn't see him in the living room, assuming he was in the kitchen. The smell coming from there was heavenly.

"What did you make?", I asked curiously and already hungry as I entered the kitchen.

I froze. He wasn't there. The small table in the kitchen had a beautiful meal placed on it and everything was already prepared. It was a meal for one. 

"Loki?"

I walked towards my bedroom and the bathroom. Maybe he just went there for a minute? I called out to him several times but only silence greeted me, the apartment feeling more and more cold by the minute.

Unfortunately my home wasn't big enough to spend more than a few minutes of searching. I couldn't find him. Even the tooth brush I gave him was missing. I dragged myself over to the kitchen, the homemade meal still waiting untouched on the tiny table I somehow already got used to sharing. I noticed a white piece of paper placed beneath the plate. What I first throught to be a napkin turned out to be the last thing Loki left for me in this place.

_Milady (y/n), while you were at work my noisy brother decided to pick me up. Somehow he seemed confused by the concept of you having to work, that oaf. I think he is too used go only see Midgardians be heroes._  
_Anyway, I don't wish to intrude on you any longer than needed so I left with him. I prepared dinner as promised and my spell should keep it warm enough until you arrive back home._  
_Thank you for everything._  
_Loki_

I stared at the letter much longer than it needed for me to read through it's contents. The words _'he left'_ echoed in my mind over and over again. It was ridiculous, really. He stayed only for a little less than a week here. It wasn't as if he was an actual part of my life. He simply crashed at my place and I knew he would leave within a few days. This was the condition why I originally dared to agree to let him stay after all.

I tried to blame the disappointment of him leaving so suddenly and quietly on the fact I still didn't get my revenge yet. I haven't avenged my sister yet. He can't leave yet. How was I supposed to find him again if he wasn't under my watch?

Honestly, I should've known Loki would disappear any moment again. After all he did tell me he would leave once his brother returns and this morning I was probably aware of Thor's return even before Loki himself was. I didn't know why I somehow got used to him being around. I wasn't even sure if I had refused to think of the fact that he would leave again or I simply was that forgetful. 

In the end I sat down and looked at Loki's last peace offering. Dinner looked and smelled amazing. But somehow I couldn't enjoy it as much as I did lunch. I knew that it tasted amazing but the joy of eating the delicious meal didn't reach me. My ecstatic tastebuds were unable to convince my stunned and frozen mind, that a smile or even the tiniest bit of joy would be appropriate right now. 

"So the furniture wasn't for my sister after all, huh?", I mumbled to myself and chuckled. 

I froze. Realization hit me and I rushed to check my phone, rereading the message my sister send me late friday evening. 

_I talked to Sam. I'm moving into the Tower Monday afternoon. He said Mr Stark is taking care of any new furniture or things I might need. Do you think it would be rude to ask for a giant teddy bear? I always wanted one. *-*)/_

No, I haven't been wrong. The furniture was for my sister after all. But if my sister moved in with Sam today and Thor picked up Loki today to take him to the tower to find him a new place to stay at... Dread filled me and I rushed to dial my sister's number, worried and hoping I was wrong.

"Hey sweetie, it's me. How are you?", I greeted my sister, trying to sound less worried than I was. "Did everything work out fine?"

"Hey there. Yeah, everything worked just find. Tony wants me to tell you that he likes you already", she replied with a chuckle. "And Natasha gave you a thumbs up when she heard of what you told him."

I laughed sheepishly and was relieved she seemed fine. 

"You know me. I could never miss out on a chance to threaten someone if it means to remind them to treat you well."

"Yeah I know. I love you too but please try not to kill too many, okay? I feel a little preasured now!", she joked. "I will have to try my best to be happy if that means it keeps earth's heroes alive."

I chuckled a little and was about to answer her when she softly interrupted me.

"You lost your roommate, didn't you?"

My breath hitched and I tensed. So she was aware after all. Maybe they've even met, suddenly having to face the fact that they once again would live together for who knows how long. 

But things changed so much. 

"Is he okay?", I whispered, worried how he would take the fact he would basically have to witness the woman he loved dearly live and interact together with someone else. "If I'd known Thor would come over today while I was at work I would've warned him..."

My sister sighed and chuckled: "For the first time in your life it seems you are worried about someone else more than me, sis. I told you, you'd be great friends. I am so happy for you. You always were overly defensive towards other people."

I sighed and stayed silent, unwilling to admit that I indeed had started to worry about the idiot. I wasn't worried my sister would feel uncomfortable or hurt by his presence. I knew she would be fine. I was worried about Loki and his still fragile heart. It had slowly started to heal again. But this was a time where he shouldn't be made to suffer more than needed. Or it might take away any chance of healing in the future, leaving an ugly scar he'd have to suffer from forever.

"Would you mind if he moves back in with you? Thor doesn't want him to be by himself and alone with his thoughts right now. I know your place isn't the biggest but maybe I can ask Tony and Sam if they could arrange something", my sister spoke after a long silence. "He needs you right now more than he would care to admit, (y/n)."

I looked down onto the floor, not sure how to deal with my own emotions. I was happy I would get to see the idiot so soon again but I was even more worried about Loki and if he was okay. I didn't wish for him to be sad.

"Give me the adress and I will be there as soon as possible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter last night partly and finished it this morning before leaving to work. Have fun reading. 
> 
> Please if you spot any mistakes feel free to point them out. 
> 
> I did spot my Aesir/Seidr mistake a few chapters back but I was still embarassed I my mind seemingly was somewhere else when I wrote that part and many probably already read the mistake.


	20. Man of Iron Throwing Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Customer support entering the building. Miss Siscon being welcomed and I fear you won't be able to get rid of your new nicknames anytime soon.

I grabbed my things and put on my coat, rushing to exit my apartment and reach the adress my sister send me via text as quickly as possible. Naturally anyone knew where the Stark tower was but the actual adress of the well hidden private entrance was a whole different story. 

The 'public' entrance of the tower seemingly had a lobby and had an elevator but as a few people sadly had to realize, the elevator was just a dupe and only reached the public underground car park level and one of the floors that had nothing more than a big hall for parties and a smaller one for things like press conferences.

Many tried to sneak into the tower in an attempt to get a look of the superhero's private lives but except from the things Tony Stark showcased to the public, fans and antifans alike were unable to get their hands on anything. 

I hailed a cab and gave the driver the adress. I wasn't happy I'd spend more money than on public transportation but time was of the essence. The fact that I failed to even touch dinner before rushing outside in a worry escaped my mind entirely.

The drive wasn't short but not long enough to spend more than an hour in the unfamiliar car. Mostly the horrible trafffic and busy streets were to blame. The driver's navigation system lead them to a building near the Avenger's Tower, close enough but not quite right next to it. The driver didn't enter the underground car park, probably afraid of any unnecessary parking fees that he would have to pay for. So I handed him a few bills, just a small appropriate amount more than what I owed him and exited the cab, leaving to the seemingly normal car park. 

Just after the lane makes a turn there was indeed a barrier. It looked normal enough, just like any you'd see in a car park around this area. If only it were for the sign next to it, depicting horrendously high prices for so much as entering or driving through. I rolled my eyes. Not too bad of a scare tactic. People were too greedy to spend a few hundred dollars on simply spending ten minutes in a car park. 

The walk was rather long. After all, anyone arriving here seemingly was supposed to enter by car and not by foot. There wasn't even a proper sidewalk. I walked for ten minutes until I finally reached a double door that looked like the doors to an overly fancy elevator. I pressed the button next to it and the camera above the door swung to focus on me. 

"Welcome. Please identify yourself", a female mechanical voice spoke. 

"(y/n) (y/l/n)", I said calmly. I expected as much. Well, maybe something more like SHIELD Agents glaring me down and doing a full background check before letting me enter and less an AI but I wasn't one to complain. "I am here to pick up Loki."

"Of course. Welcome to the Avenger's Tower. My name is Friday. Should you require anything I'd be happy to be of service", the AI replied after confirming my identity and the door to the elevator opened. "Please enter, Miss (y/l/n). Your sister is waiting for you on the common floor. We should arrive there shortly."

I mumbled a quick thanks and stepped inside, waiting the elevator to move since there were no explanations on the buttons, making it impossible for me to know which exactly the common floor was. The AI seemed to know the way better anyway. The ride was smooth and quick. When the elevator reached overground, the side with the glass was certainly offering me an impressive sight. Anything below the tenth floor was blocked to keep anyone from the streets to peak inside but above those levels slowly the view rose above the rooftops of the surrounding buildings. 

The elevator stopped soon, a quiet ding indicating that I reached my destination. When I exited the elevator I was immediately pulled into a crushing hug.

"Lady (y/n)! Your sister announced your arrival! It is a pleasure to see you well!", Thor spoke loudly as he lifted me up a little in an uncomfortable hug. 

"Thor! Let go of her! You're crushing the poor girl!", I heard Nat protest and saved me from an early death due to suffocation. 

"I apologize! It wasn't in my intention to hurt her!"

"It's fine, Thor. I should get used to it", I soothed his worries with a smile before my own worries decided to take over my expression. "How is he?"

Thor's expression soured and he looked down onto the floor, guilt showing in his demeanor. After all it was him who brought Loki here without thinking of the consequences. 

"He's in one of the guest rooms for now", I heard my sister say and I immediately walked over to her, pulling her into a warm hug. 

"Hey, sweetie. Sorry it took me so long to arrive", I said quietly. "Thanks for taking care of him for now."

My sister grinned and poked my belly. 

"I knew you still cared for him!", she replied victorious after letting go of me and pulling away from my hug, reaching out for Sam who kept himself more or less to the background, not intruding but also not distancing himself. 

"Hey, Sam", I greeted him and smiled. 

"Hey, thanks for coming to pick him up. I never thought Loki could get any more scary compared to how he acted a few years back."

"Well, how could we have known that we iust let his ex move in here right before bringing him here? From a man's point of view I for once can understand how Rock of Ages feels", a faintly familiar voice interrupted and a seemingly confident millionaire entered my view. 

I gave Tony Stark a polite nod of acknowledgement. He kept sipping on a drink, probably alcoholic by the look of it. I wasn't too friendly, nor too defensive. After all the only people I actually met in person before were my sister, Thor, Natasha and Sam. In that order. 

"So, customer support. I guess you take cases of sissy norse gods as well, not only furniture? Loved your little goodbye, by the way. Very creative. Do you treat all of your customers this warmly?", he kept going.

A sarcastic yet amused smile lit up my futures and I raised a brow. "Only especially difficult cases. I hope my sister has been well?"

He chuckled and took another sip of his drink.

"Of course, Miss Siscon. Don't worry, she is in good hands", he said and turned around, only to suddenly swing back and throwing something at me. Instantly the people around me tensed in shock and surprise.

I reacted instinctively, not really thinking of my actions as I stopped the bottle opener in front of my by using one of the spells Loki taught me, making it float right in front of my face within a protective barrier. I gave him an unimpressed look before waving my hand as if I was shooing the item away, making it float back gently towards him.

"It seems you lost something", I said coldely and the few Avengers that were present plus my sister relaxed visibly, relieved I was unharmed.

"Tony! You could've hurt her!", Nat hissed in my defense and I have her a reassuring look, trying to calm her since I was fine after all.

"You said you taught her so I just wanted to test her", Tony Stark replied and fished the bottle opener he flung at me out of the air and I let go of my magic surrounding it. "I expected some assassin move to be honest, not this..."

"My brother took it upon himself to teach her twoyears ago since Lady (y/n) seems to have a gift for his arts!", Thor explained proudly. "One day she will be a powerful sorceress!"

"Great, like we need more of those", I heard Tony grumble and I chuckled. 

But even this 'enjoyable' chat was unable to make me forget the purpose for my visit. So I faced Thor and asked where I could find his brother.

"Come along, I shall lead you to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my writing is improving? Or is it only me? 
> 
> I am desperate for comments and love and attention. Also I feel bad for anyone who subscribed to me or the story. You're getting spammed by my updates. I guess two chapters a day is my quota so far. I am almost impressed by myself.


	21. Mopey Snakey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is more bonding between Siscon and a snake than just them starting with the same letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint and vents origin (from the comics):  
> Climbing into vents was Clint's childhood coping and hiding method to escape the unhealthy conditions of his home. He was small enough to climb inside there as a child and figured out that an enraged person rarely looks upwards or in a vent for a child.
> 
> Later it was popularized in fanfictions as a funny trope.
> 
> For this fanfic I would like to keep the original meaning and purpose of Clint hiding in a vent to honor his mental scars instead of making fun of his childhood coping methods. 
> 
> We all have our scars and they will fade only slowly. But they will fade eventually if we let them.

Thor lead me to a different floor that consisted out of a hallway stretching itself over the entire floor, doors on each side in a regular pattern. Some of them had small personalized token or signs hanging outside, warning intruders or reminding to knock or you might be greeted with a punch to the face. One even warned to not check the vents since it was a taboo zone apparently.

Thor stopped in front of an unadorned plain door, the frame looking plain and the silence from within the room almost seemed to imply that no one was inside. Fortunately the God of Thunder knew better and didn't waste time knocking, instead just made his way inside.

The room now seemed even more empty. Thor frowned immediately and seemed worried. I wasn't surprised that Loki wasn't visible to the eye just like that. I didn't expect him to lounge anywhere in the room, reading relaxed one if the books that caught his interest. 

"I will stay here and wait for him in case he returns", I lied to Thor, hoping he won't see through my deception. "Can you see if he is somewhere else? I'd rather not walk around this tower since I would only get lost."

"Of course, Lady (y/n). It sounds like a sound idea. I will bring him back here immediately once I find my brother. If he returns before I find him, just call for me", he replied, oblivious to my lie and left quickly, in a rush to find his brother.

_Why did you lie to him?_ , Loki's familiar voice entered my mind and I smiled a little. I closed the door and made my way over to the bed, climbing inside and under the cover.

"I doubt you'd want him to know of this habit of yours, mopey snakey", I replied and felt the smooth movements under the blanket moving up to me. 

It stayed quiet for a while, only the soft rustling of the blanket disrupting the silence as the black and green snake slowly made it's way outside the blanket, rubbing it's cool body against my cheek when it settled on the pillow.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, gently stroking the smooth scales of the snake. I never judged him for taking this form when he felt utterly horrible. He explained me years ago that hiding beneath a blanket and curling up yourself, not wanting to be seen, was (no matter how ridiculous and childish it sounded) indeed easier when he was in the shape of a snake. Thor found him once in this most vulnerable state, making Loki snap and stab him in a weird defensive reaction. 

_I... I don't know_ , Loki replied and curled up into a small pile, almost looking like he turned into a knot. _I wasn't expecting to see her here._

I sighed. "I believe you. I should've warned you. And Thor's even a bigger idiot than you. No sense or awareness for feelings."

_What did you expect from that oaf?_

"At least an IQ higher than the room temperature", I said with a smirk. The telepathic voice in my head finally sounding a little more alive with the small chuckle.

We both went silent again soon until the tiny snake seemed to look at me and I heard Loki giving me a shy yet grateful thanks.

* * *

"Siscon if you need anything, just give me a call. Or if you decide to join us after all. Wiggly fingers would love to have another of her kind around", Tony told me and I shook my head.

"No, thanks. I have enough problems as it is. I don't need the pressure of having to do good or save the world. Too troublesome", I replied with a polite smile and Tony shrugged, not blaming me for my decision to reject their invitation. Even if it meant I'd give up on living with my sister. Loki needed me more right now. And my sister had Sam to look after her.

"Alright. Happy's going to drive you back home. I will arrange a bigger apartment for you two by the weekend. Be ready to move in on Saturday. We'll help you of course", Tony explained while walking Loki and me to the car waiting for us. 

"Thanks, Mr Stark", I showed my gratitude and took this offer at least. A bigger apartment wouldn't be too bad of an idea. After all Loki deserved his own bed as well. Sleeping on my couch could only be a solution for so long.

"Tony, please."

"Of course, Tony. (y/n) then please."

"No chance, Siscon", he retorted with a slight smirk.

After a polite handshake our conversation ended and we got into the car while Tony was standing outside the elevator. He gave us a small wave when the car slowly left his sight and I focused on Loki again. 

His gaze was empty, the illusion over his face hiding his complicated expression and instead showing a calm and collected face. I knew he wouldn't allow himself to show any weakness until he would know he was somewhere safe and secure. A place where no one would judge him for actually having feelings or would call him weak for showing them.

The drive back home felt only longer now, knowing he was forcefully trying to look stronger than he felt.

"You know, I actually enjoy the feeling of scales. They are so cool and smooth. I don't really understand how anyone could hate it. Maybe I'll get a pet snake one day. A python or so. Something big sounds good" I rambled on, giving him a way to escape the uncomfortable tension inside the car.

"Do you want to touch a snake right now?", Loki asked quietly, probing if he understood my words correctly.

"I wouldn't mind it." I smiled encouraging at him.

With a soft green glow he turned back into a snake and I gently placed him on my lap, seemingly enjoying it as I softly stroked his scales with soothing motions. If the driver were to be asked, he'd only know Loki turned into a snake to please me. And Loki wouldn't have to keep up his illisions anymore. After all snakes always had the same expression. No matter if they were happy or felt like their heart got torn apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put the long Clint vent fact at the top. It took me quite a while to research where the trope came from but I am glad I did since it did reveal some more of Hawkeye's background and past scars. 
> 
> Do not ask me how I came up with the mopey snakey thing. It just popped up in my mind. Embrace it.


	22. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally at home you get a chance at finishing the darn meal that smelled so delicious a few hours ago.

Loki didn't turn back into a human form even after the car stopped in front of the apartment complex. Instead he just slithered up and rested on my shoulders. I knew it was hard to get a hold of oneself again after being able to indulge in the own pain and sadness. Being a snake right now was easier for him and I didn't comment on it or forced him to change back. 

He didn't really have any bags anyway, just the small plastic bag I stuffed into my purse that held his toothbrush he originally got from me. So I didn't have to carry much for him, just himself and my purse. And as if a little snake could crush me under it's weight. He was adorable if anything. But of course I wouldn't tell him that.

I bid Happy goodbye and went into the building, slowly walking upstairs to my apartment. It was on the second floor and since this building wasn't higher than four floors, they didn't bother installing an elevator. Who knows how old this place already was. It may be well maintained but certainly not a new building.

On the staircase between the first and second floor a few kids were hanging out, probably someone living in here with their school friends. I didn't know everyone who was living here so don't blame me for not being able to tell. Being a perfect neighbor wasn't part of my skill set. The kids looked at me, curious and when they spotted the snake they cried out in surprise but I didn't pay them any attention and instead kept going until I was finally able to vanish into my home.

I put Loki down once we were inside and proceeded to take off my coat, hanging it onto one of the wall hooks next to my door. I turned away from him, giving him some semblance of privacy in case he decided to turn back and didn't want me to see his state, giving him enough time to cast more illusions if it helped his pride. My gut feeling didn't disappoint me as the wall next to me reflected some of the green light from his magic and judging by the size, I knew he must be back in his human form.

I didn't expect the hug though. 

Loki wrapped his arms around me from behind when I still pretended I was unable to hang up my coat any faster than snail speed. He buried his nose into my hair, leaning his forehead finally against my shoulder and let it rest there. His hold onto me was tight and it almost felt as if he was clinging onto me for dear life, as if he would be lost without touching me.

I had tensed from the surprised but relaxed quickly. I would've pet his head if my arms weren't awkwardly crushed within his, unable to bend my arms in weird angles to reach his hair. All I could do was lean against him, offering myself and the comfort he needed right now. 

He wasn't crying, my shirt not getting wet near my shoulder but he kept clinging onto me, probably trying to calm the storm of emotions inside his heart. I turned my head a little towards his and leaned gently against him, showing my care and worry for him in the only way I could right now.

Care...? Worry...? 

Fine, I realized I should've stopped lying to myself ages ago. Of course I still cared about the idiot. After all he had been the one to introduce magic to me, the one who helped me find something I could be proud of without putting my worth and ability beneath my sister's. He gave me a new confidence. I wasn't hiding in the shadows of my sister anymore because I was afraid of the light anymore but because I knew the shadow suited me better and I was actually now able to properly protect my sister. 

Loki gave me something even my sister had been unable to provide to me. A new passion and happiness that we had shared between only the two of us. I always had been grateful to him, no matter how much anger he had caused me. And that was why I would always care about him one way or another. I was stubborn and I couldn't accept it fully yet, but I stopped pushing him away.

Especially when he actually needed me for once. 

We ended up standing in this awkward yet comforting hug for a while. His hold on me was a little too tight for me but feeling his strong arms around me gave me a sense of security. Unlike with Thor I wasn't afraid he would suddenly or accidentally crush me. Loki always had himself on a tight leash, controlled and observing. He always tried to distance himself from what was happening around him, unwilling to ever lose control due to emotions or reckless actions. So witnessing him being able to keep that cool anymore was heartbreaking yet relieving. He deserved to vent and mope a little. Locking in the emotions wasn't healthy overtime. 

When he finally let go I swiftly turned around and gave him a hug too, trying to tell him with my actions the words I couldn't bring myself to say out loud.

_It'll be fine. I'm here for you._

Maybe I was afraid of his reaction. I doubt anyone would like the sister of their ex to become their confidante. He had Verity already as well. I was probably just a replacement until he could get in touch with his best friend.

I let go of him much quicker than he did of me, oddly conscious of the fact he had frozen and didn't move at all, neither returning the hug I gave him nor relaxing even though I let him have much more room for movement. I pulled away, afraid and worried. I quickly noticed the shock and surprise on his face as he still wasn't moving, just quietly staring down at me.

Semiconscious I quickly averted my gaze again and rushed to the kitchen, my embarrassed and ashamed mind deciding to remember now of all times that I haven't eaten anything yet, providing me with an excuse to leave and escape him for now. I took the chance willingly and quickly sat down in front of the meal I had found earlier today on the table, taking a bite only to realize it wasn't warm anymore. It was a bit more chewy due to that but I rather continued eating than face him.

"You didn't eat before you left?", I heard Loki's quiet query from the entrance. I felt his questioning gaze on me and I never once before stared into my own plate while eating with so much passion as I did now.

"Couldn't", I finally replied in a mumble when his gaze didn't stop staring at me, demanding an answer and questioning my motives. "Was too worried."

"Worried...?", he whispered as if trying to comprehend how a monster like me could ever feel worry for anyone other than my sister.

"Well, you were suddenly gone", I explained, feeling the odd urge to justify myself. "And I knew that my sister-"

I didn't finish the sentence, not sure if he was okay enough for me to mention her in front of him. So instead I just apologized.

"Sorry, I should've warned you."

He did't reply, only sighed and waved his hand, his magic heating up the meal in front of me instantly, almost causing me to burn my tongue on the now hot dish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaky sneaky mischief at work. I should be a good adult, doing adult things. But I am alone in the room right now so no one can stop me from doing what I want as long as I still get work done, right?


	23. Visitas And Diplomatic Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Tristan promised a trip to the rink and there you get it, inconveniently on an evening in the middle of the week but she wouldn't take a no so you would have to come along one way or another.

"Please, sweetie! The office wants everyone to bring someone and Verity can't be my entourage since she has to bring someone herself!", I begged her over the phone. 

"I can't, I'm sorry. Mom and Dad are visiting this Thursday evening and the tower already can't decide if they want to kill them or be polite to them", she replied and I groaned. 

"Kill them, obviously. I mean if they are seriously dumb enough to piss of a group of powerful superheroes, then they deserve it, let's face it!"

"Sis!", my sister cried out, shocked at my reply and how easily I was okay with the prospect of my parents dying by the hands of the avengers.

"Come on, they are stupid if they dare acting out of line at the tower and you know that", I told her. "What even is the problem that worries you already before it happened?"

"Well, you know Captain America, right? So Steve has this really good friend from childhood days that is more or less living with him like I do with Sam. They claim they are just super best friends but everyone in the tower knows they are gay for each other. We are just waiting for them to be brave enough to come out of the closet. Which could take another few years judging by the orange on top. As if he'd let some homosexuals look like brave heroes. And you know our parents. How... not so accepting and polite they are towards anyone who isn't exactly straight."

I groaned again. "If they dare make any trouble, it is their own damn fault, sweetie. I don't even know why you would defend them", I replied. "They are homophobic, there is no use dancing around the subject. I know you care for them but that is fucking Captain America. If they dare insult him, then their death is well-deserved."

I really couldn't understand how my sister could still be so kind and loving towards judgmental and stuck up people like our parents. And the fact that I would have to find someone else to accompany me to the department's trip to the ice rink on Thursday only because they want to visit my sister on exactly the same day, wasn't really making me happy.

My sister sighed and took me back to the original subject since she wasn't exactly willing to discuss our parents with me. We always had different opinions on them and she wasn't one to start a fight with me over people we couldn't change.

"Is Verity taking Loki?", she asked me and I replied with a quick no.

"She's taking her mom. Apparently they are really close and she sounds very nice judging by what Verity told me about her."

"Then why aren't you making Loki tag along?", my sister wanted to know.

" _Making_ Loki tag along?", I gave back with a chuckle. "Are you suggesting I force Loki to accompany me?"

"I might as well. Good luck, sis."

* * *

"Why am I again here?", Loki grumbled and looked at me as I was tying up the rented skates.

"Because my sister ditched me and if Verity wouldn't have brought her mom, you would've been here anyway", I replied with a smirk and tried to ignore the whispers and stares from my coworkers as Loki stood tall and proud next to me, arms crossed in front of his chest and expression rather displeased. 

"Your coworkers are staring at me like I am their next meal. Especially the females", he hissed, his annoyance showing and I laughed.

"Your fault for being handsome, idiot. I didn't force you to come in your original appearance, I just made you come."

He opened his mouth, wanting to throw something back at me only to close it again.

"Fine. You win that round", he grumbled and shook his head. "My bad for not thinking of that possibility myself."

I was grinning, feeling rather proud of myself that I managed to win over Loki in an argument and let him help me to the ice. I wasn't horrible at skating but I wasn't a professional either. It was enough to slide in the big circle everyone seemed to follow. Loki looked rather comfortable and used to the slippery frozen surface. The skates on his feet weren't rented but rather something he summoned with magic. They didn't look as bulky or old as mine. Why he denied my request for a comfortable pair of skates was beyond me. Maybe it was just him being the usual asshole.

I watched Verity struggling to keep herself on her feet while her mother lend her some support, clearly more skilled than her daughter. Loki quickly made his way over to his best friend when he noticed her almost fall over a few times and helped Verity stand and move more steady.

"(y/n), I didn't know you had such a handsome boyfriend! Why haven't you told anyone?", I heard Mrs Tristan say as she skated up to me from behind.

"I am afraid he isn't my boyfriend, Mrs Tristan", I replied with a smile and she shook her head with a chuckle, clearly not believing my words. "I am being honest, he is just a roommate and he moved in only last week."

"Well, I wouldn't bother resisting as much as an evening with such a man sharing my home, dear. Does he know Verity?", she asked, noticing the familiarity between the two of them.

"Yes. They are best friends, actually", I answered and kept smiling. It would be better if she would start assuming that Verity was actually the one in a relationship with Loki than me. But she didn't seem to think that way, oddly enough.

"I see. No wonder they seem so friendly. I have to admit I understand why you aren't jealous even though they obviously are that close. You'd have to be blind to not see that they both are not viewing each other as romantic interests", Mrs Tristan said, winking at me. "Take good care of your lover, (y/n). I am afraid some of the younger ladies will try their luck with him, even I would if I were a couple of decades younger."

I groaned a little when I was sure she wouldn't hear me anymore.

Loki was _not_ my boyfriend. How difficult was that to accept?! Or was I not speaking English anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to force myself to try and skate in a clumsy matter last night during training to figure out how it would feel so I could write this part more easily. It is not how I usually skate. After all I go to figure skating training 3-4 times a week and am getting less and less clumsy each time. It's been a few years since I fell while skating on two feet.
> 
> Last time I fell was when I was skating forward in a Biellmann figure and the front jags of the skate etched itself into the ice since I put my weight a little too much to the front - making me land face first onto the ice since my arms were busy holding my leg, not giving me enough time to catch my fall.  
> It hurt like a bitch.


	24. Two Loners Moving Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving bases is always an event. Moving homes as well.

"I will never again come along to one of your worker bonding events", Loki hissed when we were walking back home and honestly I couldn't blame him since once he left Verity alone again, he was swarmed by my female coworkers. The hyenas found a new prey. While I enjoyed merging with the background, Loki had everyone's attention.

I laughed a little and shook my head. Poor Loki. His own damn fault for being handsome. This time his silver tongue couldn't help him.

"You'll forget it soon enough and you should be fine for a while. Mrs Tristan usually comes up with things like these every three or four months. Usually right after the change of season", I told him. "Better focus on the shopping list for Stark. He needs it by tomorrow evening if you want the things to be at the new place on Saturday."

"I don't require anything."

I looked at him, observing his calm expression in the light of the street lights. 

"Are you sure? The only physical possession you have right now is a freaking toothbrush, Loki. And since a Millionaire agreed on getting you _anything_ , then why wouldn't you take adventage of it?" 

"I am very sure. I can change my dress with magic and since the place will have the general commodities, I doubt I will be missing much."

I glared at him and shook my head. "I am _not_ continuing to share my shampoo with you!"

Loki frowned. "But it smells good..."

"I am very aware of that. But it is still _mine_. If you need a shampoo, then get it from Stark."

"Shampoo then", Loki mumbled and I sighed, decided to write down on the note to Tony that Loki literally didn't own anything as it is right now.

Giving someone else control over how my new living space will look like was a bit out of my comfort zone but I knew I didn't really have a choice. And I mean I always can redecorate, right? Sell whatever furniture he'll buy and buy something suiting our tastes from the money. Easy.

Saturday approached quickly and I looked at the place I called my home for a few years by now. It felt odd seeing everything in boxes and the walls blank white. When you'd speak there would be a little echo now, making it obvious that the room was cleaned out. I gave a look out of the window, the plain view of the small yard between the multiple apartment complexes visible to me. I watched a few kids play outside in the snow and I sighed. I think I will somehow miss this place.

"That should be the last box, right?", Verity's voice asked me from behind while she probably was looking at the box in my hand. I looked around and frowned. How did everyone manage to move them to the truck so quickly? Sure, I was keeping only my personal things but even so they were quite a few boxes. 

"How...?", I asked, confused and Verity chuckled, taking the box in my hand from me and placing it onto the floor. Quickly the box vanished with a green glow.

_Oh_ , of course. Why didn't I think of it before? Magic sure was convenient. I think with Loki around I might develop a lazy streak. His abilities made everything so much easier. I mean he can cook and the magic, seidr, whatever he wants to call it, took away a lot of housely chores I'd have to do manually.

Trust me, the laundry splitting itself into piles and being teleported inside the washer was still my favourite. I literally only had to put the detergent inside and press the buttons. No more uncomfortable laundry basket full of heavy clothing. Or when Loki's magic hangs them up. It is physically impossible to hang up clothing items with as little wrinkles as he was able to. 

I walked downstairs to the moving truck with Verity and we wondered how the new apartment would look like. I hoped for a simple apartment with simlly enough room for both Loki and me. Verity wasn't exactly sure though. She pointed at the fact, that Stark was known for his extravagance and I should prepare myself mentally for a fancy penthouse or so. I sure hoped it wouldn't a an overly giant place. The bigger the home the more troublesome to keep it clean.

Loki already waited in the car parked and waiting for us behind the truck while I saw my sister and Sam sit in the truck. Good. I trusted Sam with my things more than I'd trust anyone else. Possibly Loki wouldn't be too bad at driving a small truck as well but I have never seen him drive so far, and I couldn't judge therefore.

The drive was calm. The new place supposedly was closer to my workplace and yet also closer to the tower, making it easier for my sister and myself to visit each other. And the Avengers were probably still suspicious of Loki, wanting to keep him close where they could still keep an eye on him.

Thankfully Lady Luck played along and we didn't get stuck in traffic on the way, shortening our estimated travel time consideringly. I was still a little sleepy since we had to get up a bit earlier than usual to finish packing everything. Quite a few things that were mementos of past boyfriends, girlfriends or things I just kept hoarding and stacked away in a shelve because I once liked it, were incinerated by Loki. With anything that used to be a gift from an ex, he didn't ask me about it or anything, he just instantly destroyed it. 

Sorting out my stuff felt nice but I was still mad at him for burning a cute little knitted hat, that had kept me warm in winter for a while now, simply for the fact an exboyfriend bought it for me. I kept it because I actually liked it. Not because I wasn't over him yet. But Loki is considerably stubborn, maybe even more than me.

He did try to apologize and make me forgive him. In the end it kind of worked since he agreed on buying me a new hat for the winter after giving me a kiss on my hair to calm my ruffled feathers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly things are moving along between the Reader and Loki. Of course barely noticable for themselves.
> 
> I apologize for not posting anything in the evening yesterday. (Me is Central European Time). I was simply too exhausted and a starving friend needed to be fed. I made him some food and soon escaped to dreamland myself last night.


	25. Big Brother Is Watching You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've heard it said that people come into our lifes for a reason, bringing something we must learn.  
> - _Glinda, first line from **For Good**_

"Anthony Edward Stark", I growled with my most threatening voice into the phone. "I swear on my sister's life, I will smite you if you don't get anyone or something to remove those darn cameras within a day!"

"How rutheless! Actually gambling your sister's life!", he gasped dramatically on the other end and I heard Nat somewhere nearby, promising to help me kill him if it is what it takes to keep my sister safe. 

"I am dead serious, Stark", I hissed in reply, secretly relishing in the fact, that Nat promised to help me kill him. 

"Her and me both, Man of Iron", Loki, who stood right next to me, said loudly so Tony would be able to hear him propperly. "I shall help the lady with her conquest and trust me, I am much more dangerous if I am actually by sane mind and can utilize my full abilities."

"Is it that bad? What crime did he commit?", we both heard Thor's voice when I put Iron Man on speaker so Loki could listen in more comfortably. It seemed like we were on speaker on the other end either way already as well.

"The crime of sullying a Lady's honor, you oaf. This vile person placed cameras all over the place. And that does indeed include the bathroom!", Loki grumbled, explaining what was his biggest issue with the cameras. I already hated them because I disliked feeling watched and being judged at all times.

He would've gotten some plus points for the AI he installed that impersonated Dory and (maybe she just pretended) forgot everything you told her within minutes. But he messed up big time with all those cameras. Thankfully Loki spot them quite quickly because I would've gone about my day without knowing I'd be watched from every angle.

"Man of Iron... That is quite a misdemeanor...", Thor replied with a worried voice. "Even my brother who was names as much as God of Evil never dared to sully a maiden's honor. I thought you to be a better person."

"Am I to take it as a compliment that you think me better than the tin man right now, Thor?", Loki spoke with a smirk.

"I feel awfully insulted", Tony said and I heard him sigh. " _But_ since even your usually do kindhearted sister even is throwing daggers at me with her looks, I will reconsider and remove them."

Loki huffed, proud of this small triumph and waved his hand. On the other side of the phone I heard some clutter, metallic probably, tumble around and onto the floor I suppose. 

"Be greatful I spared you the effort, Stark. I don't trust you in my home anytime soon again", the trickster spoke and I heard Nat laugh in the background.

"Why couldn't you just done so beforehand, Stone of Ages?", Tony asked with a groan. 

"Simply for the jest and to humiliate you", the raven haired man next to me and hung up for me. I looked at him questioning, wondering what he did.

"I removed all bugs and cameras with magic and teleported them to his feet. He is probably surrounded by his own creations right now. Each of his little friends will now see just _how many_ he had placed. Hopefully he will learn his lesson", he explained.

"Thanks, Loki", I thanked him with a grin. "Maybe you just became a little less of an idiot in my books today."

"My, thank you, milady", Loki replied with an eyeroll. "I shall thrive to meet your expectations then."

I laughed and shoved him playfully away.

"Well, then start by unpacking everything before Verity comes over for dinner. And don't forget to cook! Your fish last time was quite _meeting my expectations_ ", I said while walking into my bedroom to unpack my things and the box with the things Stark bought for Loki and me from the shopping list we gave him before.

"Hey! When did I become someone you could order around!?", Loki protested and I simply laughed.

"Shoo, shoo, now, Loki! Go _meet my expectations_! They are only getting higher the longer you dilly dally!", I replied loudly. Messing with him seemed to be my favourite pastime lately. It also didn't help that I lately discovered the joy of googling old fashioned insults and ways to tell someone off due to how outdated sometimes Loki's way of speeking seemed. I mean I didn't mind it. But it was still funny how he stuck out like a sore thumb whenever anyone around him uses modern day slang.

Honestly, after his little breakdown after the more or less accidental bump in with my sister, he collected himself much quicker than the first time around. He never once mentioned my hug and I reminded myself to never touch him like that again. For now I had to control myself, venting the needy desire of hugging him again through sma touches, shoves or lightly hitting him. I tried to tickle him once. Let's say he has more self control than I do and was quick to turn the tides my misfortune. At least I trained my abs a little. 

While things somehow went back to how they were before, when I still was his future sister-in-law, it was very different as well. We haven't been _that_ close back then. I never had the chance before this to notice how Loki tends to sing in the shower, and shockingly enough with a passion that rivaled an actor in a Broadway Musical. It wasn't horrible either. When he once started singing _Glinda's_ part in 'For Good' from Wicked, I actually joined in once he reached Elphaba's part. Cue to him and me performing an overly dramatic version of the song together, him actually jumping out of the shower just to make it even more dramatic, wearing nothing than a towel to cover himself. 

It was a sight to behold. And certainly an experiance. 

I started noticing more and more somehow adorable and endearing things about him. It made it difficult for me to hold onto the last bit of hate I've felt for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to include the singing in the shower part about Loki. I couldn't resist. For evidence please consult the Agend of Asgard comics. Same goes to Loki's secret cooking skill.


	26. Dinner With Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial, supposedly existing friend zones and sinfully delicious dishes.

I felt blessed to say the least. I savored the meal in front of me and Verity looked just as pleased as I felt. Loki was rambling a little with a proud smirk, explaining what exactly the secret of his twist to the recipe is. I wasn't really listening to him. I just let him talk about what he enjoyed, not showing that I had no clue what he was talking about. Most of the terms he used sounded as if he was hosting a cooking show rather than spending the evening with his friends. The faint glint in his eyes showed how much he liked this secret passion. Sure, his words were clearly somehow showing off but it seemed more like he wanted some kind of confirmation, waiting for someone to call him a good boy, pat his head and praise him. Really, to me he seemed like a puppy who wanted to be praised for his achievements. 

I gave him a smile and let my actions speak for themselves. If he didn't get yet that I was absolutely dependent on his cooking by now, he must've been blind. 

"Seriously, Loki. I have no clue how you actually _do_ this", Verity said when she took another bite with something that almost sounded like a moan. You and me both, Verity. You and me both.

"Were you not listening just now?", Loki asked a little taken aback, one eyebrow raised. 

"No, no. I _did_ listen. Doesn't mean I can repeat your actions though", she explained and I nod.

"You tried to teach me how to make Tortellini Carbonara Loki, and it went horribly wrong, don't you remember? And my actions were all under your supervision so I definitely tried to copy you", I agreed. 

"I am still baffled how you got the sauce to explode. The kitchen was quite certainly a mess", Loki replied and chuckled, amused by the memory of my stunned sauce covered face that day. I was able to cook enough to keep myself alive. Nothing more, nothing less.

"When I tried one of his recipes he gave me, it didn't turn out as well as his either", Verity commented. "Loki you might have discovered a hidden talent."

"Loki, God of Cooking", I laughed. "Maybe if you start a catering service, it could be your tag line."

"I'd rather not", Loki replied and shook his head. "I am content with cooking for those I deem worthy or for pleasure. Midgarian cooking is just full of way more variations than what I was used to on Asgard. So much to learn and taste."

"Oh no, _Midgard_ turned the God of Lies and Mischief into a gourmet!", I groaned exaggerated and earned a glare from the raven haired male. 

"Lucky girl, living with a man who'd willingly cook for you every day merely for the purpose of trying out new recipes", Verity said with a smirk and a small wink into my direction. "You better keep him or some woman might steal him away. A man who can cook is very desirable these days."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you sure? Then why didn't _you_ snatch his heart yet then? I think your position in his heart is higher in his heart than mine."

"Hello, ladies? I am still here", Loki tried to intervene but Verity didn't pay him any attention.

"Because first of all, I do not desire any kind of romance or anything that comes with it and I actually doubt that your position is lower than mine. Especially since he decided to rather as you to live with him than me. So what do you think your position in his heart is? Especially since it seems to be higher than a best friend's", she taunted me and I huffed.

"A super best friend?", I replied. "Or he considers me an enemy. After all you should keep your friends close but your enemy even closer."

"I don't consider you my enemy!", Loki protested, seemingly offended. 

"No no, the looks he gives you at times are less of the platonic kind, girl. Trust me, he can't lie to me", the tattooed female said with a smirk.

"Verity!", Loki gasped and reached out to her, apparently trying to stop her. "Don't!"

"Come on, we all know Loki is nothing more than a friend", I replied, trying to hide the fact something in my stomach fluttered by the thought of possibly being liked by Loki as much as Verity was, or maybe even more. But I tried to keep that thought away. I didn't want to turn into a self important person. I did notice Loki's weird twitch when I said that sentence though and gave him an odd look. Excuse me, can you please try and not give me false hopes?

Hopes? No, let's call them illusions or lies. I am _not_ hoping for anything!

Verity smirked at me and mouthed a ' _Lie_ ' into my direction when Loki instantly looked down after his strange reaction. I frowned and shook my head. Now was not the time to talk about my denial. I wasn't ready to even think that I might possibly be starting to develop a crush on my sister's ex. I mean let's be honest, it already sounded like a horrible mess.

"A shame. Seems like Loki was friend zoned", Verity finally said out loud and gave Loki a wink. "...For now. Good luck, Loki."

"Hey!", I protested and stood up, not being able to handle this weird and embarrassing conversation anymore. I certainly didn't want to think about how I thought I saw a small hopeful glint in his eyes. It would be very self destructive to assume he would see me as anything more than the sister of the ex he is trying to get over. Even if he were to try something, I did not enjoy being used as a jumping board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am at my parent's place. It is my father's birthday and I was asked to visit them for the celebration. I even brought a gift like a nice and proper daughter.
> 
> Thank you so so much for 1k views <3


	27. Let It Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo listen up, here's the story  
> About a little guy that lives in a blue world  
> And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue  
> Like him, inside and outside  
> Blue his house with a blue little window  
> And a blue Corvette  
> And everything is blue for him  
> And himself and everybody around  
> 'Cause he ain't got nobody to listen  
> I'm blue da ba dee da ba daa  
> Da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa  
> Da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba daa

Loki nudged my shoulder with his when I was washing the dishes and he dried them. His hands didn't stop rubbing the plate with the towel but I felt his questioning gaze on me.

"Hey... are you still mad?", he asked quietly. "I am sure Verity was only joking around. And you know I would never try anything unless you consent to it."

I gave a little snort, handing him a couple of forks.

"Yeah as if it won't make me into the girl that sprung onto her sister's ex as soon as he was free to take", I replied sarcastically.

I didn't need to see his face to know he probably would be frowning in distaste, maybe seeing the implied meaning behind the words and grow disgusted by my weird and certainly very wrong crush. When he didn't take the forks I looked at him, wondering what was wrong with him. I mean I knew I was wrong for starting to notice how nice of a guy he is but surely not _that_ shocking that it would freeze the god, right?

When I saw his face I froze myself, wondering if my eyes were deceiving me or Loki was indeed staring at me stunned with something that looked suspiciously like a little tint of pink on his cheeks. When he noticed my gaze he cleared his throat awkwardly and looked at the forks in my hand, grabbing them quickly and drying them up with a newfound passion and interest. Weird. What was wrong with him?

I only shook my head a little and was secretly relieved he didn't seem to feel disgusted by me but maybe he wasn't aware himself that it would be inappropriate and as realization hit him, he was stunned that I thought of it before him? Seemed pretty far catched but I honestly couldn't explain his behaviour.

"Well... I think what's in the past is in the past. I doubt anyone would really care about who dated whom in the past. It will all fade in time and people will forget about the ex in the face of the present."

I chuckled. "Unless you date Taylor Swift. Then you are immortalized as another song and the reputation of being another one of her boyfriends", I replied, not sure what exactly he was trying to tell me. 

He grimaced and shook his head. "Everyone makes one or two mistakes."

I shrugged. "And some even more than that."

It went quiet again. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but I felt weird with Loki standing so close to me. I was _very_ conscious about his body brushing against mine each time he would shift his weight from one foot to another while drying the dishes. But time passed quickly and we didn't have that many things to wash either. So in the end we quickly ended up on the couch, watching a documentary about polar bears since there was no really good movie showing on TV tonight. 

"So cute", I mumbled when a few cubs rolled through the snow. "And this makes me miss proper snow."

"Proper snow?", Loki questioned. 

"Yeah! Like white flaky snow that crunches delightfully under your feet when you step on it. The one that sparkles in the night when light hits the crystals. Not the black and grey mud on the sidewalk that soaks itself into your shoes and socks no matter what you do!", I complained. 

Loki laughed and nodded then, knowing what I was talking about. "It almost sounds as if you enjoy the cold and the snow."

"I actually do. I miss those days I played in the _proper_ snow, making a snow angel or building snowmen. Or snowball fights! Even simply throwing powdery snow up into the air used to be so much fun since it looked so pretty! Now it only snows rarely and once it hits the ground, it melts immediately or just gets dirty."

Loki tilted his head at me and looked into my probably sparkling eyes. I really did love the beautiful kind of snow that sparkled magically. And I did miss the memory of that kind of snow. I barely noticed how his eyes changed colors, how his skin changed in it's hue. I barely noticed his slightly fearful and worried expression. All I could see were the huge fluffy snowflakes slowly floating down from the ceiling. The crystals were giant and when a snowflake dropped onto my lashes the crystals didn't melt immediately and I was acutally able to make out each snowflake starshaped crystal. 

It was magically and beautiful. I was gaping at the snowflakes around me, reaching out to the white beauties and ignored how the apartment got a little cooler. I was enchanted. A small happy and youthfull giggle escaped my lips when a snowflake dropped into my nose, leaving a tingling feeling behind. I didn't get up and spun in a circle like a fool. I was too stunned to even perform those cliché moves. 

"Do you like it?", Loki asked, his voice barely audible and cautious.

"I love it!", I cried out in joy and laughed, bubbly from the unexpected surprise. I didn't expect it was even possible for something like this to happen. It seemed almost too domestic to fit into this world of magnificent magic, superhumans that were moreextra than some drag queen and powerful beings from different realms. 

It was truly magical. Like a little girl's dream coming true. It seemed as unreal as... the fact that Loki looked pretty blur right now.

_Wait a second._

When my mind finally went out of the stupor of winter wonderland, my head snapped around and I stared at Loki, shocked and oddly intrigued.

"You're... _blue_ ", I said, still not really able to comprehend what I was seeing.

Loki met my gaze and never have I ever seen him so anxious and afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made my family watch Infinity War. They were unfaced and my dad asked each time a new person showed up on screen who they are. It went to the point my sibling and I snapped and told him to shut the fuck up and yes it is the Hulk _AGAIN_. Seriously... it was annoying. 
> 
> Also I had to. No hate or unsult intended but somehow after each break up it seems to be the other person's fault.


	28. What's The Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If humans can turn green when angry, then why cant gods turn blue when... when whatever they do that causes them to turn blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Anyone with mental health or anxiety issues:
> 
> I have the same problem myself so i understand but I also learned that only you yourself can change yourself. Love or a friend can be a catalyst, motivation or support but in the end it will be a very tiring and slow process you will have to work out with yourself in the end. My mind is still a work in progress but I do work on it since I know that if I want to be a better version of myself one day, I have to change myself. No one can change me other than me. 
> 
> So stay strong and keep going. It will be worth it one day for all of us I hope. 
> 
> If you need anyone to talk to hmu. I don't mind sharing or caring for someone if it is what helps you to keep going right now.

I raised an eyebrow at him, not really undersanding why he made this awful and pitiful expression. Ireached out go poke his nose, get him out of the dark puddle of sad feels and selfpity. He swiftly catched my hand, holding onto my wrist just before his face to prevent me from squishing his nose with my index finger.

"Don't touch me when I am like this. You'll get a frostbite", he hissed defensive and somehow worried. 

I rolled my eyes. 

"Midgard to god with double standards: Ironically you just told me to not touch _you_ because I supposedly will get hurt but it is okay for you to touch me?", I questioned, tugging on his grip on my wrist to make him aware of the fact that his skin was touching me even more than it would've if I'd poke his nose.

Loki's eyes widened instantly and he let go of my hand as if it were scalding hot iron. Or a potato. I feel more like being a potato. 

"I'm sorry! Are you okay? I will heal it, I promise!", he started fuzzing, his appearance changing to his usual look, the snowfall disappearing with it.

He again took hold of my wrist but this time incredibly gently, as if worrying he actually did hurt me. Yes, his skin was a tad bit cooler when he was blue but it didn't burn me or for whatever injury he was looking for on my skin. He seemed confused when he noticed me to be unharmed.

"Why? A Frost Giant's touch burns even the toughest armour. I've experienced it myself. Why are you fine?", he asked me, still doubtful if what he was seeing was real. 

"I don't know what you expected to happen but isn't it good it didn't? Seems like you are less harmful than you thought", I replied with a smirk. He didn't answer, just kept staring at me.

"And now let me finally do that!", I finally said, pulling my wrist out of his gentle hold and poked his nose. He blinked a few times and I poked his face some more, pinching and pulling on his cheeks even until he finally came back to his senses and stopped me by gripping onto me once again. 

I chuckled and smirked at him, not really able to comprehend why he was making such a fuss about me mentioning his skin color. I mean didn't he do it to magic up some indoor snowfall? It was absolutely delightful if anything and I thought my behaviour and actions a few minutes back spoke for themselves. I enjoyed it, didn't I?

"Stop moping, mopey snakey", I teased him and shook my head. "What even is wrong with you? First you give me a little absolutely magical and beautiful surprise and when I get all happy and giddy you turn all depressed and anxious. Do explain the logic behind that please."

Loki let go of me, shifting a bit away from me and looked down on his hands. 

"You _saw_ it, didn't you? Me turning blue. I am not an Æsir", he said quietly.

"So what? Big deal? I mean we have a human who turns green when angry. Blue isn't so far off the colour chart if you think about it. And as if I didn't know already that you weren't exactly _human_ ", I told him, not really getting his point.

"But I am a _Frost Giant_. A monster and a creature you should fear..."

"Okay, first of all: If that pretty little magical thing is what _monsters_ do, then heck make me a monsterlover since I'd love to experience it again. And second, I just poked and pinched around your face and your oh so scary ass still didn't smite me. Gods, Loki! You sang a fucking musical song with me half naked. You are like the least threatening thing to me right now. So work out whatever nonsense your mind it telling you. I don't know on what basis you consider being blue a crime but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be actually true at all."

Loki just stared at me, stunned and silenced by my words. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to say something, deny my words or something along those lines but I didn't let him. I even went as far to put a hand over his mouth to keep him from interrupting me during my little rant. 

"I will tell this to you as many times as you want to hear it but you are not a monster, Loki. I used to hate your guts enough to try and kill you so I should know best how horrible you actually are. And maybe even gods can be a little anxious every now and then", I said gently but firm.  
"But be aware that it is only all in your head and only you can change how you see yourself. I can only remind you of the truth every now and then, to bring you back on track but I can't be any weird miracle medicine. That's not how it works. Forgive yourself for whatever you think so bad of and change your own outlook on it."

I finally stopped talking and pulled away my hand from his mouth, giving him back the ability to reply. He didn't say anything though. He just jumped at me and hugged me tightly, pressing himself in some desperate need of comfort against me and buried his face in my shoulder. I was caught off-guard so I ended up losing balance, making me fall over to lean on the armrest of the couch and the angle at which he was hugging me, changed. His face was now more or less buried in my stomach and I was leaning awkwardly onto the armrest.

Seeing him so fragile and clingy once again so soon after the last time made my heart ache for him and I returned his hug, ignoring how the armrest was less comfortable than the back of the couch. This time I was able to freely pet his head, running my fingers through his soft hair in a hopefully soothing motion. I gave him a little squeeze when I heard a quiet and muffled broken voice mumble a thank you into my shirt.

_I am here for you, Loki. And I will stay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4am update. People shouting outside my window. Is murder still a crime? I am considering to silence those drunkards. Living on the ground floor right next to a pub is not a joy. 
> 
> At least the rent is cheap.


	29. Man, I Feel Like A Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your sister is not as perfect as she might seem at first and possibly truly not the right partner for Loki ever.

"Does my sister know? That you turn blue at times?", I asked him the day after when I was enjoying my Sunday off work before having to go back and return to society. 

Loki froze and looked somehow surprised. "No, actually she doesn't."

"What?", I cried out in shock. "You wanted to marry her but didn't even tell her such a thing?!"

He looked down sheepishly and tried to resume his reading.

"Well... she was so nice and wonderful that I wanted to be a better person. I guess I pretended and acted a lot only because I've felt I'd be even more unworthy of her", he admitted quietly.

I shook my head and walked over to him only to smack his head.

"Idiot! Of course my sister would be right then when she said you'd be divorced even quicker than you got together", I hissed, actually baffled that the boy wanted to marry someone who only knew a play pretend better version of himself. It wasn't fair. My sister definetly had been better off without him.

"She... actually said that?", Loki questioned, probably realizing his actions were wrong by the sound of his voice.

"Yeah and I didn't believe her at first but if you don't even tell her that kind of important stuff, of course the relationship is doomed!", I replied exaggerated.

Loki wanted to reply something but our door ringing interrupted us. I made a mental note to scold Loki later some more for deceiving my sister when I walked up to the door. To my surprise Captain America stood there, his hand holding onto the arm of another guy. Judging by his appearance and what my sister told me about the other residents of the Tower, it might've been someone she called Bucky.

Steve's face seemed clouded and he wasn't in a good mood so I didn't dilly dally any longer and opened the door for them.

"Hey, guys. Get in", I welcomed them and stepped aside so they could enter. Steve's steps were somehow hurried and I felt that he was really upset about something.

"Sorry to intrude. We just need to get out of the tower for a while and I didn't know where else to go", Captain America huffed while I closed the door. He only gave Loki a small nod as the trickster raised an eyebrow at them in a silent question. 

"No big deal. Did something happen at the tower? Is my sister okay?", I asked, getting a little worried now.

Steve huffed again, obviously still riled up by whatever happened. The dark haired person next to him shook his head and placed a metal hand on Steve's shoulder. 

"It's fine. Nothing big happened. Don't worry, your sister is fine", he said with a little peak towards Loki. "I am Bucky by the way. I don't think we've met before."

"I'm (y/n) and that's Grumpy Cat", I introduced myself to him and pointed at Loki soon after. "So what did happen to make your boyfriend so upset?"

Bucky's eyes widened a bit but he probably figured my sister or someone else told me. 

"It's nothing too big. Your parents came over for a surprise visit and made it clear they didn't really think highly of our relationship", he explained and I groaned in understanding.

"I am so sorry, guys. I am ashamed that I actually am related to them."

"It's hardly your fault, doll. But Steve is more or less also upset at how your sister handled the situation."

I frowned. What did she do to make Steve upset? She was usually so understanding.

"She asked us to act _normal_ around her parents. Like friends", Steve grumbled a bit, slowly calming down but clearly still upset.

"Please tell me she didn't actually used the word normal on you", I replied, trying to keep my disappointment unnoticed.

"Unfortunately she did. She also asked us if we could tone down our affection around her; seems she feels a little uncomfortable watching it", Bucky replied, settling on the couch and waving Steve over to join him. Once Steve sat down, he pulled Bucky into his arms, probably seeking the comfort to calm down.

"I am so sorry guys. I know she is an angel but living almost her entire life with homophobic and ignorant people did leave it's stain on her. She doesn't mean to hurt you. I am sure she will accept it all in time", I apologized. "I don't think she is even aware that she is influenced by them."

Steve seemed to be much more calm now and looked at me curiously.

"Why are you fine then? You didn't even flinch, reacted or whatsoever acted different when I almost pulled Bucky onto my lap just now", he said. 

I laughed. "First of all, being antagonized by my parents didn't place them as a role model in my life. I also do not make a difference between penis or vagina when it comes to my partner. Some of my ex even claimed I treat girls much better than guys. I don't mind couples doing the couple thing, just don't try to eat each other in front of me when I am too sober. And never fuck on my couch or bed. But those rules are the same for anyone."

"Not a fan of PDA?", Bucky said. 

I chuckled. "Not that I know of. I just treasure my privacy and don't care for people enough to see their private moments, no matter how little they care", I replied and noticed that Loki looked extremely uncomfortable right now.

"Loki, don't tell me you...", I started, not sure how to ask if he belonged to the part of society I deemed as assholes.

He quickly shook his head. "No, I am not _homophobic_ how you Midgardians would name it, dear. I just realized your sister is much less perfect than I've thought. I am originally not exactly... fixed in my appereance. Shapeshifter doesn't entail just a change of color after all."

I tilted my head and was confused, not exactly sure what he wanted to hint at. He probably felt my confusion and sighed, chosing to just show me. With a green glow and him brushing his hair out of his face that fell forward from reading his body shape and appearance changed. The eyes were still the same, the face now wearing some light make up with a black lipstick. The hair seemed the same length but his - I mean _her_ clothes changed to a comfortable female version of his previous outfit. Not really much changed about her yet still a lot. She was still Loki.

"Fuck you're hot", I gasped, still surprised over seeing Loki as a female for the first time. "And I thought I was gay for Nat..."

Loki blinked surprised and a faint blush covered her cheeks. She tried to curl up in the couch some more and hid her face a little behind her book.

"Really? That's the thing you decide to say first?", she told me, sounding a little embarrassed.

"So you are both male and female?", Bucky asked, fascinated by how easily Loki changed forms. "I bet all genderfluid people around the world are extremely jealous of you."

Loki looked at him and sighed. "You are all weird, mortals. Never have I met a group of people acting more unfazed by such a revelation. Even Verity was quite surprised when she witnessed it the first time."

I looked at her and shook my head. "I mean I _am_ surprised but it seems I've been out of the game for too long to care much for it in the face of beauty."

"So you would consider getting back _into the game_ for me?", Loki purred with a smirk and I found myself nodding in reply. With her current appereance I didn't see my sister's ex in her anymore at all and the crush I've been fighting so hard was now unrestrained. My brain and body was trying to churn out some kind of new reason for denial but the effort was futile.

"Hey! You said no PDA at your place", Bucky protested, seemingly amused and trying to tease.

"It _is_ our home and our private space so would you please stop invading our precious privacy since it seems I have to take care of dear (y/n). She seems to be quite under the influence of something so I need to urgently take care of her", Loki said with a mischievous smirk, a dangerous glint in her eyes as she looked at me. I gulped. What did my stupid mouth get me into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DarkHell616 made me use a new expression I learned from them. I tried to use it as well as I could but won't tell where or which term it it~
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read.
> 
> I am invited to a fancy restaurant later tonight so I am not sure if I will be able to update only after late into the night in my timezone.


	30. Regular

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the money rain!

Bucky and Steve didn't leave just because Loki wanted them too and I was way too embarrassed and worried to let them leave. I was afraid of what I'd end up doing if I ended up being alone with her. She seemed to have way too much fun teasing me. 

"Loki", I whined later that evening. "Please show some mercy!"

"But it's too much fun", she said and leaned even closer. I tried my best to not feel affected or reacted to her actions.

"I know. But please, don't you draw the line at crying?" I asked her.

"You're not crying."

"For now. Look, if you are not intending anything that is anything more than a joke, then please stop the teasing. It will give me the wrong idea," I explained.

Loki frowned and finally pulled away from me. "So I was friend zoned even in this form?"

"Loki!", I protested. "It doesn't matter if you are male or female, I don't want to be led to believe someone wants to date me if they are actually just considering it a joke." 

"So if I were serious, you'd let me?", Loki questioned and I confirmed with a nod.

"Yes. But you're not. So please stop it, Loki."

* * *

"You took care of customer number C-19700529 last monday, right? Do you remember him?", Mrs Tristan asked me. I checked the ID number and noticed it was the callI took from Mandy that day. 

"Yes, that was me, Mrs Tristan. Is something wrong? Did he complain again?", I asked wondering what kind of bullcrap Tony Stark got me into to take revenge for the camera trick.

"No wonder then!", she said and smiled brightly. "Well, Miss (y/n) (y/l/n). It seems like you got yourself a big catch. The customer has his own big company, one much bigger than this one and he offered our little shop a fair sum of money if we let you transfer over to his company and let you work with him."

I frowned. Please don't tell me they actually did it.

"Don't look so grim, (y/n)! It's a huge honor and since you helped us out so many times we were smart enough to negotiate a little before agreeing!", Mrs Tristan said. 

Yeap, they were actually stupid enough to do it.

"And it is _Stark Industries_! Of course you would've left one way or another so we had to try and get something out of letting you go as well."

I actually would've rather stayed. 

"So you are telling me _Tony Stark_ asked you to pick out the 'random' customer support girl he talked to on Monday and wanted to hire said person no matter who it was? Doesn't that sound a little fishy, unprofessional and certainly suspicious, Mrs Tristan?", I questioned.

"Oh no, he did receive your details and everything from us first and only asked us after to let you transfer instantly to any condition we'd demand. He was very adamant on hiring you. Isn't that good?"

"I am not sure...", I mumbled.

"Well, look over the contract details first", she said and handed me a stack of paper. "I won't force you to leave but of course we'd appreciate some extra income one way or another."

They fucking sold me. They think the money is enough to stop considering laws and stuff. I don't think handing over the details of an employee was exactly legal. With a sigh I read the details of the transfer contract. When I saw how much Stark offered them for letting me leave, I didn't blame them anymore. Honestly I felt embarrassingly proud... Not many could claim they were worth a few Millions of Dollars while performing as a mere customer support. And I would get my own quite hefty share as a reward as well.

And even the last bit of anger dissipated once I saw what conditions Tony offered to me. 

Three days I have to be on standby as a customer support for six hours a day. No real break but I was allowed to work completely from home, including providing one of Stark's headsets that I would use. I would only be the very last line if no one at the customer support department at the factory would be able to take the call or more important customers called. Apparently to help a Miss Virginia Potts out woth taking care of complains in her stead. And my pay... oh my pay was too good to be true. I would earn in one year enough to pay off any lingering debts or loans I still had, including all interest. 

It was as if the sun was finally rising over my pitiful existance. 

I _know_ I only got this offer because of my sister and 'watching' over Loki, but I wasn't a saint and such a big sum of money is certainly nothing I would refuse.

He didn't ask me to sell my body to him. I would actually have a purpose. No matter how unqualified I was or how exaggerated the pay was.

* * *

" _VVS my diamonds, I don't need no light to shine!_  
 _Iced out both my wrists, now I can barely see the time._ "

"Go to sleep. You're drunk", Loki said with a frown.

" _I just made a million and I'm still not satisfied!_  
 _'Cause I need a bag on the regular._  
 _I spend a bag on the regular!_ ", I kept singing loudly and off-key, the alcohol in my veins clouding my senses and my ability to hear what monstrosity I was creating with my voice. I was bringing shame to the song but the rush from transfering and _instantly_ seeing my share of the transfer 'reward' on my bank account made me feel high.

Maybe I made a mistake ny immediately leaving the office at my old workplace and go to a store to purchase the strongest, best and most expensive liquor from a specialized retailer. And downing it while making my way back home earlier than usually. Being drunk at 10 AM was certainly less than graceful.

Loki tried to get me to sleep when she noticed my state. She offered me water but I refused to drink it, too high off the rush and happiness. Instead I put on some music, having a one man party.

"Please go to sleep or at least tell me why you are dead drunk this early in the morning, pet."

"I _quit_ my job today!", I replied with a heavy slurr. 

"You...!? Why!? Didn't you need the money?", Loki asked, shocked and now worried. 

I laughed and grabbed my purse. Since I was feeling extra I made the bank pay me a chunk of the money out in one dollar bills and now I grabbed the stash, making it rain over Loki as if she were a stripper giving me a show. 

_Well, it's certainly a show I'd pay millions to see._

"What are you doing?!", Loki cried out confused, surprised and angered at the same time. She didn't understand what was happening and I was too drunk to explain so I simply waved my new contract in front of her face and kept dancing while she studied the document, her smirk growing. 

"Do your worst, pet. If he feels this generous, we shall take advantage of it fully."

"No more cheap whiskey!", I shouted in triumph and Loki chuckled.

"Indeed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Sorry about the late update!**
> 
> Sunday I was out with my parents and today was a super busy day. I got up at 4 am and feel extremely drained right now. Writing did reenergize me a little. But the fact that I am up for 15h now is slowly getting more and more noticable. 
> 
> And yes I quoted NCT's Regular. The song got stuck in my head after my sibling showed it to me last night.


	31. Everybody Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for 50 kudos and over 1k views! (\\*-*)/
> 
> I didn't notice before sorry >_<

Don't ask me how it came to this. I have no idea either. I still faintly remember celebrating my unexpected transfer and Loki being worried first only to allow me some of my happiness. And somehow after that things only got more and more foggy and couldn't really remember what happened.

But I certainly didn't remember getting into bed _with_ Loki. Or when he changed back to male. At least I knew nothing happened since he seemingly snatched the entire blanket and we both seemed to wear the same clothes we wore when I came back home.

Trust me, I don't even know myself what I was doing.

But hell, did my head _hurt_. My throat felt dry and the light far brighter than needed.

"Dory?", I asked quietly with a raspy voice, trying to sneak out of the bed without worsening my hangover and waking Loki.

"Good afternoon, (y/n). Nice to meet you! My name is Dory! Have we met before?"

I groaned. Right, the AI Stark installed into our apartment was rather useless if you want it to actually do something. It's main purpose was annoying Loki and entertaining me. 

"What time is it?", I asked and the reply surprised me since I've been apparently sleeping through most of the day. It would be six pm soon, time to start preparing dinner.

"Loki", I whined, flinching how my slightly raised voice hurt my head more than it was efficient in waking him. "I am hungry, go make food."

Loki didn't steer and I pouted. 

"Lokiii, I want nomnoms!", I whispered in a needy childish voice. I felt too crappy to bother about putting up a pretense of being a mature person. 

But Loki still didn't wake up and I considered tickling him but then grew afraid of what his laughter would do to my splitting headache.

So I didn't do anything more than dragging my exhausted and tortured body over to the kitchen and hope the kitchen could provide me with something simple and quick to make.

I finally found some abandoned cold pizza in the living room. It was good enough. I didn't bother heating it up again and instead just chewed on it. At least drunk me had good taste. The sun outside was already pretty low and didn't sting too much. 

I wondered what the heck happened. How did Loki and me end up sleeping in my bedroom together? I was relieved that nothing happened and probably we both were simply too drunk to think properly.

* * *

"Do you mind explaining why I woke up in your bed?", Loki asked me once he woke up too, looking like he felt much better than I did. 

"I think you might remember more from last night than me", I told him with a groan and he shook his head.

"You look utterly horrible, pet. What happened?"

"Hangover", I mumbled and hid under the blanket again, refusing to give up my compy sanctuary on the couch that one calls a pillow fort.

Hey, pillow forts are amazing when I am hungover.

* * *

"You know, lately Loki and you are getting more and more closer. Just fuck buddies or is it a crush?", Verity asked me with a smirk.

"Just _friends_ , Verity", I protested.

"Oh, another lie."

I froze. No, I couldn't do this. She shouldn't know. If she knows she will tell Loki and if Loki knows the little friendship we got back will crumble. And I was... unwilling. I didn't want to lose him again.

Fine, I never actually hated him. I missed him. I am done lying to myself. 

But he still is my sister's ex. And if he wouldn't have chosen me over her... I wouldn't blame him. But I was a little uncomfortable with the thought of simply being the... _second choice_. 

I knew it was silly and stupid and messed up. My heart, head, all of me simply was in chaos. I coudn't decide on a thing and while I don't want him to know that my crush is getting more and more serious with each day I have him back in my life, there is also a tiny voice inside me that wonders what would happen if I did tell him. Would he give me a chance? Or would it end up in the whole thing turning into an embarrassing mess? 

Somehow my mind was able to convince me at least with one thing:

_I won't tell him._

Because I know he would probably give me a chance. Because I know he would feel bad. Because I know then I would definitely be nothing more than a second choice. I wanted him to chose me on his own. Not present myself to him, forcing him to consider me as a choice. 

For once I was not okay to be the second choice. 

"Verity, please don't ask", I whispered and shook my head. "I don't want anyone to know what my heart tells me. I am not ready yet."

* * *

Verity kept thinking of what she said yesterday. She was out shopping right now so Loki woul've enough ingredients to prepare another of his wonderful meals. She sighed and Loki eyed her, wondering what was on his best friend's mind.

"What's wrong?", he asked and Verity looked at him strangely.

"Loki... (y/n) is your friend, right?", she asked, careful not to let anything show.

"Yes?", he replied, wondering what his friend was going to say next.

"Loki, you should know better than to lie to me. You don't consider her your friend. Not anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School days are hell days. Honestly, getting up at 4am simply to get in time to school is hell.  
> I will do my best to keep up daily updates. Sorry I am lagging behind on the fanfics I am reading and hope I will be able to find some more time for that soon.  
> I will have school only this week so after Friday everything will be danty again.


	32. He Ponders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He ain't no Fitzwilliam Darcy. He shall not make someone angry with a confession.

"Don't tell her, please."

* * *

Loki looked motionless at the book in his lap, pondering and weighting his choices and the consequences that would come. It was a tricky situation to say the least. Granted, he pretty much felt like beating up himself over the situation but then again he was afraid it would, once _she_ found out, cause her to believe that he believed it was a bad thing that he started feeling those things. He was prideful but certainly wasn't a Fitzwilliam Darcy who would allow his pride or shame to influence his lady of affection to believe that caring for her would be a bad thing. 

He tried to focus on the letters, words and sentences on the paper in his hand but their sense eluded him, he couldn't contentrate at all. He felt like a helpless little boy, trying to decide if he should dare to reach into the cookie jar or not. Desire crashed with responsibility. He knew the cookies would probably the most heavenly thing he tasted but he also knew that more than just tabboo. They were still in the shop and a security camera is staring right at him. The cookies are right there, tempting him, but he will definitely get caught and _judged_.

She wasn't an angel like her sister but she felt more real. Closer. Reachable. It was a completely different feeling she gave him. When she was around him he felt relaxed and at peace, could let his walls fall and would gain a little more self-confidence. She felt like _home_. Like a warm fluffy blanket that you knew would be there in a cold night to keep you warm. 

He started wondering if what he had felt for her sister was actually love. He grew to realize that possibly it wasn't love at all. And it terrified him. barassed and ashamed him. He almost made someone whom he didn't even love his wife. He would've only hurt her and himself. Was it wrong of him to be relieved that the wedding was called off in the end?

Her sister seemed to be relieved as well. Her words inthe Tower when they met woke him up out of his false heartbreak. From that moment on the sentiment of 'his ex-fiancé' died and she quickly turned to being 'only' the sister. What an unexpected change of roles. 

But he still felt guilty. What if Sigyn didn't appear that day? He would've been a married man for years and possibly sink to the level of a vile creature, turning into a cheater and dragging the person of his real affections down by ruining her reputation and making her into a homewrecker. She would've rather killed herself than turn into the person who ruined her precious little sister's marriage, he knew that. But he also knew he wouldn't have been able to stop himself. If he founs out one thing about his feelings, then it was that he absolutely and truly adored her. 

Her sister... He never actually loved her. He put the angel onto a podest, higher than he could ever reach. Sure, he haled her existence like she were a goddess. But he didn't love her as a person. He loved the idea of what she could push him to become, loved the idea of somehow turning into a perfect existance himself through her care. 

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Her sister wasn't perfect and all his adoration did for him was creatingore pressure on him, forcing him to feel ashamed of his flaws and hide them. Someday he simply started lying and acting a role that wasn't _him_. He had wanted her aknowledgement still though, wanted to become a better person. It was just the wrong way. They were never meant to be lovers, equals that supported each other. He put her too high, high enough to blind him and exhaust him.

And then there was _her_ , the one who was imperfect and not making any demands. It was so refreshing to him. That was why, when he started teaching her magic, his being got pulled more and more often to her, savouring the experiencing of feeling worthy for once. It didn't matter what other thought. All he realized was that she acknowledged him the way he was and he acknowledged her. It was an equal exchange. No god and subject. Just two friends that possibly might turn to more.

And now that he was living with her it increasingly became more difficult to resist the cookie jar watched by the shop security in front of him. He longed for a little taste, just a little bit of what he knew would be a paradise as real as it could be. But he also knew that once he took a bite, he would turn into a drug addict, dependent and desiring more or those cookies. Addicted for life. 

The way she dropped her guard a little when he was in his female form was dangerous, tempting and promising him with sweet whispers all the time. He almost confessed his sins to her that night. Thankfully he was too intoxicated to be able to stay awake or the little bit of heaven on Midgard he grew to love would shatter.

He wouldn't regret it but he would be judged and so would she? He may not regret it in fhe future but would she be happy to recieve his attention? Or would he simply end up hurting her by opening up his heart and allowing his feelings?

He couldn't decide. So for now, she mustn't know.

* * *

"I think he's falling for you too, by the way", Verity told me and I almost spit out my drink.

"What the feck?! Where did _that_ come from?", I questioned her, just like her sanity.

"Well, he actually asked me to not tell you", she admitted and I shook my head. What a faithful friend. "But I think one of you needs to know what the other feels. Only then things can actually advance."

I huffed.

"Well, thank you but we both are grown up people and can make our own decisions, be it if we want things to advance or not. Also thank you for ruining our friendship", I replied. "How do you even expect me to face him or look at him now, that I know he might be just as much of an idiot as I am?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was too exhausted and tired to write and post last night so I am posting it now at 5am before I leave for school. Only way if I want to make sure you'll still get daily updates.


	33. Verifying Verity's Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Important notice:**  
>  Your dear author mischiefinside caught the flu and will be knocked down in bed for the next 3-5 days.   
> So there will probably be barely to no updates until I am back on my feet.   
> I am truly sorry.

"You're avoiding me", Loki stated the obvious. 

"Maybe?", I avoided him and tried to escape into my bedroom. 

"Why?", he asked, and that in a very demanding tone. He seemed pissed. Please don't be pissed?

I really didn't know how to tell him and honestly, his behaviour those last few days indicated _nothing_. It was possible Verity was simply messing with me, trying to get me to confess to him. Well, no use lying to the God of Stories and Lies, so why bother. Verity was the one to blame after all.

"Verity told me that you like me more than a friend. And I just don't feel comfortable looking at you, knowing I was told something you didn't want her to say to me", I replied and he sucked in a breath with a quiet hiss.

Well, at least he didn't look angry anymore. More like shocked and horrified.

"And your discomfort was due to guilt or more... unpleasant feelings?", he asked quietly, studying my expression carefully.

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't you dare use the _I am a monster why are you not disgusted trope_ on me. Everyone's tired of it and you should know better by now that I am absolutely _smitten_ with your smurf form since you make that pretty snow fall for me each time!", I replied.

"Smurf form?", Loki questioned and I simply shrugged. He should get what I meant. Blue and all that jazz. "But then why did you keep evading me? You are not one to hide from rejecting someone."

"Guilt mostly. I knew that I was told something that wasn't meant for my ears. And why should I reject you? It's not like you actually do have feelings for me, I already gathered that from your behaviour those last few days."

Loki looked at me with a deadpan expression. Somehow I think something I said displeased him.

Seriously, what was his problem?

"You gathered from my behaviour that I dislike you?", he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest and raising one eyebrow.

"Not dislike but not more than friends?", I replied with a questioning tone, unsure what he was coming at.

"And what if you're wrong?", he asked. "What if I'd tell you what Verity said is true?"

Wait, what?

* * *

Loki kept his gaze on her, wondering how she'll react. But somehow he felt like he would have to wait quite a while. It was very visible that her circuits were fried. Her face went slack with shock and confusion and just kept staring at him, not able to react at all.

He waited a minute, two, three and it went on and on, until slowly panic build up inside of him. He didn't know where exactly his courage had come from once ten minutes passed. What did he even think when he said that? It was insane! Didn't he say himself he didn't want to admit to his feelings until he was able to determine if it was actually okay to feel this way?

Then finally a few words escaped her lips and it was certainly nothing he expected her to say.

"We're fucked. We're so fucked."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super short and late chapter!
> 
> As I said in the important notice at the top of the chapter I am sick pretty badly and will not update until I am better. I am sorry but I need to take care of myself right now and my head is honestly killing me and my throat feels no better than being choked by Thanos so please forgive me.


	34. Friends Until Further Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all? Would you want to know more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not fully back to good health but well enough to write again and not drown in fever induced sleep! Yey....! Frick frack I missed Halloween.....

I mean honestly, who would've thought he'd confess such an atrocious thing? What was I supposed to say? 

_Hey, I am crushing on you too. Let's go on a date!_

No. Certainly not. It was the worst possible thing. I mean he was my sister's _ex-fiance_! Of course it was wrong. It almost made me feel like a home wrecker. And being the one who could've possibly ruined my sister's married life? Yikes.

I _know_ it was all hypothetical, a future that could've been and what else. But you know, I tend to overthink. Overthinking is my specialty. Living alone and being an introvert usually grants you the possibility of perfecting that art. 

"We're fucked", I said. What else was I to say? "We're so fucked."

"Excuse me...?", Loki replied with a confused look. He really didn't expect this reaction? Really, how many times did I have to repeat myself in my mind?

_What else was I to say?_

"We can't!", I told him firmly, almost taking a judging and motherly tone. "We mustn't start crushing on each other, Loki!"

Loki frowned, clearly startled and not sure what to make of my statement. "On each other?"

"Yes! See, by how willingly Verity told me about your feelings, I wonder how she hasn't told you yet about mine but I am certainly crushing on you too and it is _not good_! And I have a feeling you know that pretty much yourself as well. You're not stupid after all."

All smart people tend to overthink. It happens. If you overthink, consider yourself smart. Congratulations. Simple people don't think. Especially not too much. And if you are smart and don't overthink then even more reason to congratulate you, because your life is freaking perfect and certainly easier than mine.

"Are you talking about your sister?", he questioned, making sure we were thinking of the same thing. I knew we'd be on the same page. So I only nod.

"I think I know what you mean then", he admitted, looking down. "I thought about that as well and came to the conclusion that I am not sure what to make of it yet myself."

"I don't want to feel like a home wrecker, Loki", I told him, opening my worries to him.

"And I don't wish to feel like a bedswerver", he replied honestly. "So what are we to do?"

"Maybe just keep going like we did before and stay friends?", I suggested. Hey, even the smartest people had their stupid moments.

"Will it work?"

"I don't know. But do we have a choice? At least until we both made up our minds. We can talk this over once we both are sure of what we want to do and where our morals stand", I offered. 

"Fine. Then so be it. Friends until further notice."

"Friends until further notice", I agreed.

* * *

"Please, doll. Just for tonight!", Bucky begged me and I groaned. 

"Fine! You can stay here. But I doubt the couch will be big enough for the two of you!", I relented. It was hard to deny anything to the two oldsters who were capable of the most adorable blue and brown puppy dog eyes. Especially since they were already standing there ready with bags right in my living room.

"Don't you have a guest room or so?", Steve asked me and I shook my head. 

"The apartment came only with two bedrooms since I refused to allow Stark to buy any bigger one."

"You could sleep in my room with me and let those two stay in yours. It is only for a night after all", suddenly Loki's voice came from the kitchen while he was coming up with something for dinner that would be enough to feed a super soldier, an ex assassin, a god and a human. Trust me, feeding Loki and myself alone would've proven to be very difficult if I still would've had only my small pay from before. Now, with being paid generously by Stark Industries, it was certainly easier.

"Excuse me?", I asked and turned to Loki. "Why would I want to share a room with you? You only have one bed!"

"What is wrong about two _friends_ sharing a bed? A sleepover. Doesn't it sound like fun?", he added eith a smirk.

 _You fucker..._ , I hissed in my mind.

I put on a fake smile while my eyes shot daggers at him. 

"You're right. What could possibly go wrong? It is just two _friends_ having a sleepover."

Steve and Bucky looked back and forth between Loki and me, trying to figure out what the heck they've missed. 

"Erm... Are you sure it's okay? You sounded more threatening than happy just now, doll", Bucky asked me doubting.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's just fine and dandy. Don't worry. You can stay for tonight!"

* * *

Later that evening after we had dinner I finally dared to ask why exactly they had escaped the Tower and came to our place once again. The answer wasn't anything I expected.

"Your sister caught us making out the other night. It was late and we didn't expect anyone to be awake anymore so we didn't really try to be... decent, if you know what I mean", Bucky explained, Steve way too shy to say it out loud. 

I've already heard from Nat that Steve had the biggest problem from the two of them to accept he wasn't straight. Apparently it defied what he was told was a 'propper and prideful American'. Oh man, how did I love this society.  
Thankfully he did come around and tried to take more pride in his relationship. Everyone deserves to be happy. And no matter with whom. 

"So what? She didn't make a scene, did she? It wouldn't sound like her to cause drama", I replied, taking some ice cream out of the tub from the freezer and putting some into four bowls. 

"She didn't say anything. You know she dislikes fights and drama", Steve replied. "But that doesn't mean she had to say anything."

His voice sounded so bitter, so hurt. I was sure whatever my sister did, she didn't mean to upset him. She was an angel after all. The one light that always stood on my side. 

"What did she do? Just get out with it", I told them and put the tub of ice cream back into the freezer once I was done preparing our portions. Loki picked up two bowls and helped me carry them to the table in front of the couch. I used magic to summon the spoons.

"She tried to hide it but she acted differently ever since. She didn't look into our eyes anymore and even if any of us as much as would get close to her, she would actually get goosebumps."

I stared at Bucky in shock. That sounded so not like her. 

"You're exaggerating, surely", I said, eating a spoonful of ice cream. "I know her. She wouldn't have such a strong reaction. She was fine when I revealed to her I was bisexual and even shared a bed with me multiple times after that without any weird reactions."

"Unfortunately not", Steve replied, stabbing the ice cream with his spoon as if it had dared to put a scratch on his dear shield. "It was more obvious than she wished it to be but her reactions were there."

Loki looked at me, spoon in his mouth still, his gaze full of confusion and questions. It seemed he didn't know what to believe right now either and the only one who could answer them or find a way to answer what was going on with my sister would be me. 

I hated having these kind of conversations with my sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Brit mistook me at work for a British person today. He actually thought I was a native when I spoke English with him. And something I said made him chuckle amused near the end of our conversation.  
> I was embarrassed a long time after that still.  
> I mean I was flattered my English was deemed good enough to be from a native brittish person but that chuckle confused and embarassed me.


	35. Fading Barrier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think not, just feel.

"I can't help it", she said. "I am so sorry. I know he is one of Sam's best friends. I really don't mean to do this to them."

"I know, sweetie. Maybe moving back in with our parents wasn't the best idea. Especially since unlike me you actually still care about them. They influence you."

"But I can't just block them out of my life. I am the only thing they still got. Maybe Sam and me should just consider moving into our own place."

* * *

"Did they go to bed already?", I asked once I got off the phone and rejoined Loki in the living room.

"Yes. Asleep already as well, it seems", he replied and pulled me into a hug once I sat down next to him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine", I mumbled, leaning into his embrace and watching absentmindedly the characters on the tv screen. "I'm worried about my sister. My parents are changing her and not being able to be around her as much as I used to is not helping either. I can't protect her from them anymore."

"It's not your fault", Loki tried to sooth me and I sighed, not sureif I should believe his words. 

"She isn't changing for the better, Loki. It's quite the opposite. She believes she can't abandon them yet lets them influence her into becoming a worse person."

"She's still the sweet girl we know. She won't turn into the same person your parents are. Don't worry. She's too smart."

I barely noticed how his hand rubbed my back with a soothing motion and how I slowly but surely melted in his arms, snuggling closer to him. My body was seeking his warmth and comfort. 

I stayed quiet, just enjoying being comforted and tried to not think too much about the whole situation. It was ridiculous, really. I never thought my understanding and sweet sister could be influenced into becoming someone who couldn't tolerate non-straight affections between two people in love. It was something I deemed impossible. She always had been so kind and open-minded. If a truly angelic person like her could be tainted by other people's stubborn hatred and narrow-mindedness, then I was unsure if anyone would ever be safe from being made to believe something else. Maybe that was simply the human's nature. Fickle and easy to change.

"Do you want to use the bathroom first? I'll clean up. Go and get some rest, love", Loki said quietly, making me sit up straight again with a few gentle movements. 

I groaned from the loss of physical warmth and touch and nearly pouted. I felt like acting childish right now. Thought of complaining, demanding more cuddles but was it really something a friend would do? We weren't lovers after all. Just friends. For now.

I didn't really want to think of the future yet, thinking of how to explain what I felt was slowly turning into more than a simple crush. Living together was really not helping it and the seemingly unimportant information, the knowledge I wasn't repulsive to him, that he had at least some semblance of romantic thoughts towards me... it tore me apart in the sweetest way.

I wasn't full of myself, but I wasn't entirely insecure either. I never have been the most beautiful in class, school or whatsoever and certainly couldn't hold a candle to my sister's perfect appearance. But I wasn't ugly either. Sure, I could lose some pounds to reach the perfect weight according to society but I knew always that society was merely what you told yourself it was. If you felt pressured by some imaginary rules that you had to follow to be accepted, then it was you only. Sure, if you wanted to reach a certain point or certain people, you had to adjust. But there would always be someone to accept you the way you were no matter what you did. 

So I was able to live with my head up hight, my own kind of confidence and assurance of staying in the shadows. Being just another passer-by, a mere figure in the background that set the scene. I wasn't anyone's main character. I wasn't even the main character of my own life.  
I was content and knew what to expect. I didn't have high expectations and wished for crazy things. I only wanted to be able to settle down one day. 

So this slow falling in love was way out of what I ever expected. I never expected to fall for anyone so far out of my league. I always thought I had my emotions in check and yet here I was, slowly falling for the guy I once swore to kill with my own two hands. It was silly and humerous.

He was so... gentle. I always knew he was. But seeing those gentle actions used on me was something I never thought I'd experience. They had been meant for my sister or anyone else as wonderful as her. Not for plain old me. It was more than my heart could handle and could resist. I wasn't sure if it was just part of his personality or if he meant to melt me with his actions. If the kindness had a purpose or if it was just me being thirsty for attention.

My brain knew we agreed on being friends for now. But my heart revolted. 

I watched his figure carefully collecting the bowls and spoons from earlier, carrying it over to the kitchen. My thoughts were a mess, my emotions even more so. Even if I tried to see him as my sister's ex-fiance, I found myself more and more unable to do so these days. It's as if the last barrier that kept me away from him started crumbling.

* * *

He felt her gaze on him and he tried so hard to ignore it, focusing on the task at hand. Going even so far as to wash the bowls by hand. 

The thought of her warm body in his arms merely a few moments ago excited him and send his thoughts into disarray. He had let go of her before he coul've done something stupid. Something a friend was not supposed to do.

* * *

I forced myself to enter the bathroom, brushing my teeth and getting ready to head to bed. I watched my expression in the mirrior. My eyes seemed more lively than usually, sparking in the faint light of a woman in love. The thought made me blush, so when I noticed the pinkish tint on my cheeks I looked down to the basin, refusing to meet my own eyes again. 

Get a grip, girl.

* * *

He settled down on the couch again, grabbing a book to distract his mind.

_They would share a bed tonight._

A sleepover, he reminded himself. Just a mere sleepover between two friends. No reason to get excited.

Afraid, he would be unable to hide his body's reaction to her at night he chose to shift into his female form. Loki sighed in distress as she tried so hard to focus on the words printed on the paper.

Trying to not think of the woman in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My ao3 decided to glitch so I am not sure how long this chapter even is. Yimes.
> 
> Hope you guys like it.


	36. Nightly Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't promise yourself to the wrong sister.

I changed in the bathroom, too afraid to exit the little bit of safety I had in this rather small room. My heartbeat was noisy, it's drumming reaching my ears and my throat felt like I was wearing an awfully tight choker. I couldn't go outside and face Loki. Not yet at least.

* * *

“I see you are still holding on to this family, leeching off their kindness shamelessly and without learning any better, it seems”, a female voice came from the kitchen behind Loki, stunning her and causing her to feel a certain type of dread.

“Sigyn”, Loki hissed and looked at her once-wife, now ex. “What are you doing here? Coming to try and once again ruin my happiness?”

“Don't worry, Loki. I am still as faithful as ever. At least one of us is.” Loki twitched at the little jab, glaring at the woman sitting comfortably on the kitchen counter. Sigyn looked oddly content and prideful, didn't offer her ex any hateful or possessive glances and merely studied the living room that was visible from the open kitchen. “I merely came to protect you from tying yourself to the wrong girl again.”

“Protecting me? I doubt that is actually your intention. I am a grown woman and can judge for myself, I believe”, Loki replied disgusted. Those excuses again. Again the same reason Sigyn claimed for her sudden appearance on that disastrous day two years ago. Reusing words and means to justify her attention-seeking behavior. Always appearing when Loki was about to reach out for happiness. 

“You of all people should know I am not lying”, Sigyn replied with a sigh and Loki hated that she indeed felt no lie in her words, fearful of what it would imply.

“So you claim you know which girl I am destined for?”, Loki asked with a grunt, trying to keep her anger in check. Shouting and accusing Sigyn loudly would only alarm the girl in the bathroom.

_(y/n)... Norns, I hope she doesn't misunderstand once she comes out..._

“I am afraid so. That is why I stopped you that day and refused to release you until I was sure you would be taken back too easily”, Sigyn explained and shook her head. “I didn't expect to miscalculate. I always kept away since I knew of your fate, faithful to you and your happiness but seeing you throw away what would bring you perfect bliss is something I can't allow myself to do. I won't watch you destroy your own future, Loki.”

“Sigyn, I swear, if you dare to try and pull some tricks again, you will feel my wrath. Leave us alone and let me decide what my fate is and whom I am happy with! I don't need a caretaker!”

“I won't watch while you promise yourself to the wrong sister, Loki.”

“The wrong sister? What is even going on, guys? And what is _she_ doing here?”, Loki heard another voice ask and it hit her like freezing water.

* * *

“Sigyn, I swear, if you dare to try and pull some tricks again, you will feel my wrath. Leave us alone and let me decide what my fate is and whom I am happy with! I don't need a caretaker!”

“I won't watch while you promise yourself to the wrong sister, Loki.”

I didn't expect to see the beautiful Sigyn on our kitchen counter once I step out of the bathroom again. I've heard faint voices so I decided to check if maybe Bucky or Steve came to get something. I certainly didn't anticipate that I would instead see Loki fighting with Sigyn. 

“The wrong sister? What is even going on, guys? And what is _she_ doing here?”, I asked, confused and slowly feeling the anger bubbling up inside of me. I wasn't sure what they were talking about but that sentence from Sigyn hit a nerve. Promising herself to the wrong sister? Did she imply that I was the wrong one? Would she be forcing my sister to take Loki back? Oh hell, no. Over my dead body. No one threatens my sister's happiness!

Sigyn looked at me stunned, her eyes widened in slight shock and confusion at the hateful glare I threw at her. 

“You're living with her? It seems I misunderstood and not all is within my knowledge”, she mumbled, seemingly not sure of what to say next, her beautiful facial features in a frown. “I apologize for disrupting you then and will take my leave. I hope you won't stray anymore from your path, Loki. Good luck and be happy.”

Wait, what?

Loki looked as equally confused as me, merely watching as Sigyn's figure faded away and disappeared. Silence enveloped us, no one sure of what to say next.

“What even...?”, I mumbled, still feeling dazed and looked concerned at Loki whom still didn't move. “Are you okay?”

Loki blinked, meeting my gaze. “Are you asking me if I am okay?”

I nod.

“I think I am... confused, but fine. Are you feeling fine? I am sure suddenly exiting to such a scene must have been quite a scare...”, she said quietly and seemingly unsure of herself.

“I am fine. No big deal. She wasn't harassing me after all and trust me, your expression spoke for itself. I've never seen anyone look more furious in my life”, I replied and chuckled a little, slowly relaxing again after the odd situation. “What did she want from you?”

“She claimed she merely wanted to make sure I end up with the girl destined for me but I would advice to not trust her words easily”, Loki replied and shook her head, her expression softening now too. She relaxed and increasingly looked more tired. It seemed that unexpected meeting drained her as well.

“Whatever, we can talk about this tomorrow morning. The bathroom's free now. You look like you could use some rest”, I offered and gave Loki a little squeeze before heading over to the bedrooms. 

“Thank you. I will be there in a minute”, she replied with a small smile and seemed thankful I didn't press the subject or blamed her for the incident. Was Loki really not aware of how disgusted and angry her expression has been? It was more than enough to tell, that Sigyn invited herself in and wasn't here on invitation.

I headed over to my bedroom door only to freeze dead in my tracks.

Right. Sleep-over. 

I was supposed to share Loki's room for tonight. Tensing up again in nervousness, I turned and faced her door, opening it and stepping into the pretty unfamiliar bedroom. I've gotten a glimpse when we moved in but I never was actually inside once this place became more homey and Loki actually spend quite a while in this room.

I turned on the light and looked around, taking in the scene that just might as well turn into my location of death tonight. Norns, help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo a little bit of the intensity taken down but maybe you can already read a little into Sigyn's reaction to suddenly realizing it is Reader that was in the bathroom. Maybe? Not sure if I made it clear enough.


	37. The Night of Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear future husband~

I was stiff like a board.

The soft cover over my body felt awfully heavy and I felt like I was sweating more than usually, especially awkward during an actually cool winter night. I couldn't blame it onto the heat of the season, couldn't even blame it on her body temperature since hers was lower than mine by a few degrees. Refreshingly cool but not cold enough to chill.

I didn't dare to turn around or move excessively. I acted like it was my biggest duty to lie as still as possible. I was awkward and felt positively awful.

How was I even to survive this night?

* * *

Loki sneaked a peek at the girl next to her. She seemed uncomfortable, her body oddly tense. It was no secret, that the girl wasn't sleeping yet. Loki could tell so easily yet wasn't sure if she should open her mouth, as if she was feeling okay or if anything bothered her.

Maybe this whole situation was bothering her.

* * *

Was Loki already sleeping? I tried to keep my heart calm as I glanced over to her direction, trying to see if she was already in deep slumber. She was not.

Our eyes met.

I snapped my head back, away from her gaze and embarrassment filled my whole being. Was running away and hiding under a blanket an option? It didn't feel like it. Couldn't I just die? Please? Being dead sounded so much easier than dealing with those complicated feelings right now.

Loki chuckled quietly at my reaction and something inside me melted. Her laugh was wonderful and the slight nervousness in it calmed me down a little. It assured me to know that I wasn't the only one who had the jitters.

It seems even Loki got a little anxious or excited in the face of this little sleepover. 

The moment I lied down I just knew that this was much more than just two friends sharing a bed. Lying next to me was the gorgeous woman that I fell for and when Loki joined me in bed I just knew that it hit me bad. No backing out anymore. I wasn't sure about how Loki felt but I've made up my mind. I had difficulties keeping my hands off her. I was surely not seeing her as my sister's ex anymore. She was so much more.

Was I being stupid? Heck yes. But somehow knowing that we were lying in the same bed alone triggered something in me. So I spoke up. Loki and I agreed on thinking over things. I am done thinking and wasting my time.

"I don't have any preference to your gender so you won't have to worry about anything in the future", I said quietly.

Loki looked at me, her gaze curious and intrigued. 

"I also prefer sleeping on the edge, away from the wall side. I'd get anxious thinking I could wake you up if I need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night or suddenly get thirsty", I kept talking, the courage fueling me as long as it lasted.

"I want a day on the weekend where we make pancakes every week without fail. I need a pancake day. And also a day in the month where we eat the most unhealthy take out we can find. At least once per month. And I get grumpy when hungry or I have my period. So you better beware during those timed. Chocolate usually helps. Or ice cream."

"Why are you telling me this?", Loki asked, confused over my motives.

"Well, I am not Meghan Trainor and can't write you a song about what I expect or want from the future so I have to say it out loud instead, don't I?", I replied.

"And those things concern me because...?", Loki questioned and I rolled my eyes.

"Honestly, that depends on you. Maybe you don't need to care about what I say at all and forget it instead. It depends on what choice _you_ make. I simply made mine and if you want this to work then you should know my expectations", I explained.

Loki took a deep breath. "So you made your choice?"

I nod.

"And yours is... to stay and give it a chance?"

Again a simple nod. As the realisation in Loki's eyes slowly grew my nervousness came back and the little courage I had escaped me.

"You care for me", Loki stated.

"Surprisingly so."

"And I care for you", she continued.

"Questionable, but if you say so", I added and earned myself a frown from her. "I want a cat one day. I don't care much for children right now. But maybe one day."

"You will get the cutest kitten you can find, love. About the children thing... I have time and will wait readily", Loki commented with a smirk.

"So you're in?"

"Partners in crime?", Loki retorted.

"Partners in crime", I agrred with a grin. "For I feel like a filthy sinner allowing this but it feels too good to stop myself."

Loki laughed darkly and turned to her side, her heated gaze on me. "Thank you, milady, for giving me the permission to court you propperly."

I didn't get to reply. My lips were sealed my hers in a kiss that held so much more than we could express in words. The knot of conflicted emotions and messy thoughts inside of me slowly loosened with the gentle movements of her lips on mine and my heart sped up when she carefully cupped my face in her hands like she was holding something precious. 

I let go and wrapped my arms around her in a peaceful bliss. It felt like I finally got some time of rest and relief after the days of worry, thinking and doubts. It was so relaxing and soothing. I melted in her arms and drowned myself in the emotions I've felt, let the warmth and love wash over me. 

There weren't any fireworks or explosion in my mind. It was much more calm and peaceful. It felt like finally coming home after years of yearning for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am exhausted and my head hurts like heck. Being still sick and yet having to work is the dark reality of an adult and I freaking hate it. 
> 
> Gotta keep myself together tho and withstand the troubling times. Once this trial is over I will ve rewarded surely.


	38. Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and pancakes invite mischief and the guests can't stop any flirting happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drank an energy drink this morning and I usually never drink those so I feel like a bunny on crack, wanting to   
> jump up and down   
> and up and down   
> and up and down   
> but I am at work and I mustn't!

The morning after we kissed felt oddly peaceful. It was so calm and refreshingly relaxed. I didn't feel the usual stress weighting down on me or felt uncomfortable about being alive, existing in this moment. It was a soothing warm morning when I woke up wrapped in the cool slender arms of the raven haired female next to me. 

The kisses after that first one had been a fight for dominance and even in her female form Loki gave me only little leeway but that shall change with time. I didn't plan on being submissive all the time. Switching was more fun anyway. I think we came to a silent agreement last night that the question was still open for discussion.

I groaned, annoyed I woke up and would actually have to get up since we actually had guests I couldn't just abandon. I didn't feel comfortable about someone, no matter how close a friend, would stay in my apartment alone unsupervised and could go snooping. 

Loki opened her eyes and chuckled at my tortured expression. 

"Come on, it's way past your usual time. Get up", she encouraged me while also hugging me a little more tight, betraying her words and revealing her actual feelings. She didn't want to get up either.

"Damn, those two owe me big time", I grumbled and forced myself to pull out of our embrace. I felt oddly cold without her presence, not enough to chill but certainly less save and more uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling.

"So much hatred this early?", Loki joked and got up herself. 

"Very. We should make them pay for disrupting my plans of staying in bed all day", I complained.

"A little mischief?", Loki suggested, offering me her hand with a smirk full of devilish charm.

"Partners in crime?", I retorted, my mood lifting a little at the face of upcoming pranks or other fun.

"Partners in crime", Loki agreed.

* * *

"Guys, please stop", Bucky complained. "I'm getting dizzy."

"Stop what?", I asked innocently. "I have no clue what you mean." I waved my hand again and let another pancake float towards me, the honey and the pancake both making a few circles around Bucky's and Steve's head before landing in front of me.

Loki and I have been doing this for a while now, making things float around them before they reached their actual destination. The things flew close enough to their faces to make them stop eat and freeze, careful not to be hit, unable by instinct to ignore the flying objects but they weren't close enough to actually hit them. We made sure of that. And definitely too fast and unpredictable for them to catch them or react to them before they already flew towards us.

"It's getting annoying, really", Steve agreed and sighed when Loki made another pancake and some chocolate cream float around his head. "What did we do? I thought we were friends."

"Friends?", I hummed. "So I can officially say proudly I am Captain America's friend? People will get jealous, you know?"

The pancakes were amazing. As expected of Loki. I was addicted to her food now. No way I would be able to go back to eating my own mediocre dishes anymore. My taste buds were spoiled now. Was I repeating myself? Possibly. I tend to do that. My memory was just as mediocre as my food.

"That's not the point, doll. And you know it", Bucky intervened. 

"Why not? Doesn't everyone want to be friends of the Avengers? If things between my sister and Sam go well, I might even become related to them. Isn't that something to boast about?", I replied with a grin.

"That's not the subject at hand right now, (y/n)", Steve said, gradually getting frustrated.

Loki sighed. "Fine, we'll stop. For now."

I pouted. "Do we have to?"

"For now, love. Be a little patient. You'll get to have more fun later", Loki told me with a smirk and winked. "Once those two are gone we'll be all alone and free to do whatever I have planned for you."

"Oh my, do I have reason to be afraid? Should I start running already?", I asked with raised eyebrows as I put another bite of the delicious pancake in my mouth. Next I should use the chocolate cream.

"You wouldn't get far, love. I am quick on my feet", Loki answered and chuckled. "Don't even think of escaping me."

Bucky and Steve looked at our playful banter and while Bucky simply shook his head with a knowing smile, Steve seemingly was a little more embarrassed and cleared his throat, letting an awkward cough out after.

"Can you please not discuss such plans at the breakfast table? I don't wish to know what you plan on doing to each other once we're gone", Steve asked, a slight tint of pink to his cheeks.

"Let them have their fun", Bucky commented. "Remember how we were once we finally got together officially."

"You mean how _you_ decided it was fun teasing me every morning and showed off to the others in the team?", Steve replied, looking a little more embarrassed.

I chuckled. _Good job, Bucky_ , I thought to myself. _He should be teased some more._

"I didn't think you'd be one for mischief", Loki told Bucky and tilted her head. "It seems we might become good friends if that is the case."

"Only a little bit. Steve can only handle very little teasing. At least in public", Bucky admitted and shrugged. 

"Why hold back?", I asked curiously. "I am sure a little training will make him a bit more resistant and teach him not to gasp at every swear or blush from every flirting."

"Hm... Maybe you're right, doll. I guess it is a thought worth trying out."

"No!", Steve protested.

I shushed him and smirked at Bucky, him returning a grin himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got my own phone today at work! Eyyyy! I was deemed capable enough to have my own phone! It is tiny and cute actually. The stand-by screen shows two people facing each other lying on their stomach and above it says "Be inspired". I don't know why my boss decided on this phone for me and why this stand-by screen but I love it??
> 
> Only downside: I will have to do _customer support_ now too, since I don't have the excuse of not having a phone for not doing it anymore...


End file.
